The Way The Cookie Crumbles
by Mae M.G
Summary: The one person that gets on her nerves is the one person Lily Evans must spend her last school year with in close proximity. How James Potter made Head Boy was an enigma to her. However, working closely with James makes Lily see a different side of him she never knew he had.
1. Prologue

**THE WAY THE COOKIE CRUMBLES**

**Prologue**

"Evans!"

Rolling her eyes, Lily Evans continued walking down the hallway with no intention of stopping. She was still furious at him and everything that happened. The more she thought about what happened, the angrier she got. Sure! She knew it was meant to be all fun and games, but they had gone overboard.

And he had stood there! Once again, she was stuck being the bad guy. _I'm always the bad guy_, she thought miserably. The thing that ticked her off the most was that he had the audacity to ridicule her while she was in the middle of telling off his friends.

She wondered if she had gone a tad too far when she slapped him. She squared her shoulders when she realized it wasn't her fault. He had deliberately goaded her to slap him. If he weren't being an absolute prat then she wouldn't have gone to extreme measures.

She had turned the corner and spotted the Portrait leading into the Heads' common room when a hand wrapped around her elbow forcing her to slow down.

"Hold on, would you?"

She sighed then turned around to face James Potter. She looked him straight in the eyes. Judging from his expression, she knew he felt bad. He had the makings of a sad puppy dog face.

"What is it now, Potter?"

"Well, I was going to-" he began, letting go of her arm.

"Apologize? Why even bother? You don't mean a single word of it. You keep on doing it over and over again."

James raised an eyebrow. "Evans, c'mon! I know you think-" he started, before Lily interrupted him.

"That's right. I do think you're an arrogant bullying toerag," she said, scowling at him. She pushed at his chest. "And I also think you need to grow up. Some day, you're gonna realize that the world doesn't revolve around you."

She turned to leave, but James grabbed her upper arm.

"Don't do this!" James gasped. "Look, I know I shouldn't have-"

"Called me bossy know-it-all who has no sense of humor and doesn't know how to have fun?" she asked, fixing James with a dirty look. She tore her arm away from him. "Or the fact you said it in front of everybody? It's not just that you made fun of me. You didn't do anything! You just stood there. You made me out to be the bad guy-"

"You can't hold that against me," he said, crossing his arms across his chest. "You did that all by yourself, Sweetheart."

"Because you won't!" she cried out. "Believe it or not, what your friends did was wrong! And _someone_ had to be the bigger person. Just because you don't have the balls to stand up to your friends doesn't mean I won't."

She opened her mouth to continue, but James silenced her by placing a hand over her mouth.

"Are you going to let me say something now?" he asked.

She watched him smirk celebrating his small achievement. With a strong urge to wipe that smug look off his face, she sank her teeth into his hand.

"Ow! Damn it, Evans!" he shouted as he yanked his hand away. "What is wrong with you?"

"Stop being a baby," she said with a roll of her eyes as she headed towards the portrait again. "I didn't bite you that hard."

"Bloody well almost took off a chunk," he murmured, following her. "That wasn't nice."

"Yeah, neither was you tormenting Sev-"

_"__Silencio!" _

Wide-eyed, Lily turned to James. His wand was still trained on her. A slow smirk appeared on his face. Clearly amused, he twirled his wand between his fingers waiting for her reaction.

Lily's eyes narrowed. She opened her mouth to shout at him, but nothing came out. She let a muted scream of frustration.

"You need to lighten up. It was just a joke. Harmless even," James told her. His eyes twinkled. "And Evans, where are you manners? Biting people isn't how you solve anything. I suggest with the time you're given, you reflect on what you've done."

Winking at her, he turned and started down the hallway towards the portrait leaving Lily standing there with her jaw dropped.


	2. Chapter One

THE WAY THE COOKIE CRUMBLES  
Chapter One

"James Potter!"

Lily watched in amusement as James jolted awake at the sound of Professor McGonagall's voice and toppled backwards in his chair. A roar of laughter accompanied the scene and she couldn't help but join in. Oh yes, seeing an embarrassed James Potter sprawled across the floor was well worth the laugh.

"Nice of you to join us, Mr. Potter," Professor McGonagall muttered, waiting for James to set himself straight.

Once he was back in his chair again, he glanced around the classroom. His eyes landed on her and she gave him a dirty look. His eyes narrowed slightly before he turned his head to Sirius who was clapping a hand on his back. Remus and Peter were at the table in front of them. Remus was shaking his head at his antics, but there was a slight smile tipping the corners of his mouth.

Lily glanced at her best friend Mariana who was trying to keep her own laughter in check. She couldn't help but share a smile with her. When they were all finally let out of class, Lily and Mariana were walking behind the Marauders who were still ribbing James. She couldn't help but stick it to him too.

"James," she called out to him. All of the four Marauders turned to face her and Mariana. "Maybe next time, you shouldn't stay out so late then these things wouldn't happen to you all the time."

"They don't happen all the time," James muttered darkly.

She gave him a knowing look. "It's okay James. It happens to the best of us."

"And how do you know he was out late?" Sirius asked Lily. The expression on his face showed he was up to no good. "I didn't know you had that much of an interest in James to know his whereabouts at the darkest hours of night."

Startled, James glanced at her. "Why do you know I was out late?"

"Well, I heard you leave." Lily blushed realizing she may have made a huge mistake in admitting that. "And I didn't hear you-"

"Wow, James, it seems she stalks you just as much as you stalk her!" Sirius cried out, interrupting her. "Congratulations! It took you how long? You finally wore her down!"

"Sirius, shut up," Lily hissed as she glared at Sirius. She turned to James. "Remember, we have rounds tonight. I'm certain the stupid girl you're seeing can wait until you're done."

"I wasn't with-" James began only to be interrupted by Sirius.

"Do I detect a hint of jealousy, Miss Evans?"

"Do I detect points being deducted coming along, Mister Black?" Lily shot back. Sirius was wise enough to keep quiet. "Don't forget, James. I'm not picking up your slack, because you obviously aren't cut out to be Head Boy. I don't know why Dumbledore ever believed you would be a good fit."

She noticed something flash in his eyes. She swore James was going to lash out at her. Instead, he remained silent and just scowled at her. She smirked at him before she turned away from him and walked ahead of the Marauders with Mariana trailing after her. It wasn't until they had turned the corner that Mariana grabbed her arm.

"Lily, that was a little harsh. James hasn't done a bad job being Head Boy. Sure, he isn't rigid about rules, but he is pretty fair. He even treats the Slytherins fairly and you know how hard that is for him to do."

Lily sighed as she looked at Mariana. "I know, I know. Sirius got underneath my skin."

"I don't know if you realized it or not, but James has changed a lot. Yes, he still jokes around and still does his share of pranks, but he has a good heart even if you don't see it."

"I _know_ Mariana," she whispered. "We do happen to live together."

This time Mariana smirked. "So maybe Black's detection of jealousy isn't unfounded?"

"I think you've hit your head," Lily countered as she began to walk back to the Head's common room. "Do you want to come in and study?"

"Sure, but I need to grab my stuff at my dormitory, okay? I'll see you in a few."

Lily watched her best friend dart off. She waited a moment too long, because James stormed around the corner and plowed right into her. She gasped as James quickly used his seeker instincts and snatched her falling body up into his arms. She threw her arms around his neck and squeezed herself against him. When a few moments passed, she realized she was no longer in danger of falling. She quickly pushed away from him.

She gulped as her eyes met his. The surprise of the near accident wore off and those eyes of his began to ice over. He broke eye contact as he quickly picked up his fallen books. He ran a frustrated hand through his already messy locks as he pushed passed her to get to their dorm. She must've really got to him if he was still harboring a grudge.

Before she realized what she was doing, she hurried after him down the hallway and grabbed his arm.

"James."

"I don't want to talk to you," he said as he continued to walk forward letting her hand slip off of him.

"But I do," Lily gasped quickly rushing ahead of him and stopped right in front of him.

"Well, Sweetheart, you don't always get what you want."

"I'm sorry!" she blurted out. "I didn't really mean what I said."

"You sure about that, Lily. You seemed pretty certain about it to say it in front of everyone in the hallway."

The hurt clearly in his eyes fascinated her, but not in a sick or perverse sort of way. Lily watched the expressions change with the emotions he must be feeling. What she hated was the fact that she made his usual smile disappear. As much as she hated to admit, she loved to see him smile and laugh almost as much as she loved to see the flare of anger in his eyes. She didn't know why she had felt she needed to take James down a notch. She used to say it was, because he deserved it. He was could be pompous and arrogant. He could be a bully at times too.

She chewed her bottom lip as James attempted to once again pass by her, but she grabbed him again. She cupped his cheek and stood on her tip toes as she pressed her lips against his. It was a quick and chaste kiss. She stroked the skin of his cheek with her thumb as his surprised eyes look down into hers.

"James, you have a good heart," she murmured. "Dumbledore knew exactly why he selected you."

He still was in shock when Lily quickly came back to herself. Her actions had been so unlike her so impulsive. She just wanted to wipe out that hurt to see the happiness in his eyes. She cleared her throat as she stepped back away from him.

"L-Lily-" he stammered.

"Don't ever let anyone tell you differently."

She looked over his shoulder and felt her entire world crash down. The rest of the Marauders and Mariana were now standing behind them staring at them in shock. She blushed as she turned on her heel and took of down the hallway. She heard Mariana call after her, but it was Sirius who cried out: "I knew it!"

**...**

Mariana burst through her bedroom door. Lily looked at her best friend from where she was sprawled out on her bed clutching a pillow to her body.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

Mariana chuckled. "_That_ didn't look like nothing. You guys kissed."

"No." Lily shook her head as tears threatened to break through. "I kissed him and he didn't kiss me back."

"Lily, I'm sure it's not like that."

"He just stood there staring at me."

Lily twisted around to face the other direction as she began to cry into her pillow. She didn't know why it affected her so much that James didn't respond back favorably. She knew it was her fault that James didn't like her anymore, but she had hoped somehow that he still held a little bit of a torch for her. She was wrong though.

She couldn't even blame him. She had been horrible to him throughout the years even now, but she didn't think he would give up on her. He had continually asked her out throughout the years. Wasn't it just a few weeks ago that he asked her to Hogsmeade? The one thing she had always praised about James Potter was that he never gave up. He always went after what he wanted and got it at whatever cost.

"Lil, the guy has loved you for like forever. His feelings wouldn't just change. You didn't so how much you crushed him earlier with your remarks."

"Uh huh, and now, he hates me for it."

"No. I don't think he hates you. I think he, like all of us, were in complete shock."

Lily sighed still convinced that he had given up on her. She felt the bed sink and Mariana begin to rub her back. She could hear James and the rest of the Marauders downstairs in the common room. She could hear him laughing. How could she have been so stupid to fall for James? Now that he got what he wanted, he obviously didn't want her. The chase was over now, wasn't it?

It was all a game to him, but it wasn't to her. She sniffled as she clutched the pillow tighter to her body.


	3. Chapter Two

THE WAY THE COOKIE CRUMBLES  
Chapter Two

Lily had been grateful to Remus when Mariana had informed her that he could do her rounds with James. Mariana had attempted to keep the conversation and study session light and cheerful, but Lily knew it was just an act. They had studied until almost curfew. Mariana, finally having enough of the intense study session, headed back to Gryffindore's dormitories.

She heard James leave to do rounds with Remus and heard him come back at a respectable time. She kept really quiet in her bed as she heard the portrait door open and heard James downstairs in the common room. He and Remus were having a whispered conversation. She couldn't make out what they were saying, but after awhile, Remus left and she heard James shuffle around in the common room before heading up the steps to the first landing. She heard him pause there for a moment before heading up the steps to his bedroom. When she heard his door shut, she let out the breath she was holding.

It was early morning when Lily woke up. She was known to be an early riser. She found late in the evenings and early mornings to be favorable times to reflect and plan accordingly. She needed to mentally prepare herself for today. She was Head Girl not some simpering lovesick Potter fanatic. She would not become one of those girls that would pine and obsess after the boy as many girls in Hogwarts did. No, she had too much dignity and respect for herself. In a moment of weakness, she had given into her emotions and just acted upon them. It wouldn't happen again. It couldn't. They worked together and she needed to be professional.

She took a shower in her personal bathroom letting the events of yesterday wash away as well. She wanted to start fresh, because it was a new day. She looked into the mirror after her shower and sighed at her less than desirable body. She often favored the girls who were lithe, toned, and skinny. Unfortunately, she wasn't fated to be a part of that body type. She noticed the curves and slight chubbiness around her stomach. She groaned realizing why James didn't respond back to her. Why would he want to? She was too fat. She had always been self-conscious about her body weight. She bit her lip as she checked herself in the mirror. She was much heavier on the top and bottom than the girls that were usually chased by the boys.

She groaned as she wondered if it was time to once again keep an eye on what she ate. Maybe Mariana and her could take more walks around Hogwarts. She licked her lips as she inspected her face. She looked quite plain except for pretty emerald eyes staring back at her. _Such a sad thing for pretty eyes to be wasted on me_, she thought herself savagely.

"Stop it," she said aloud to herself. "There's other things to do than obsess about your weight."

Nobody except for Mariana and her family ever knew about her struggle with her weight. They didn't know that at one point she had an eating disorder. Wouldn't that shock everyone that perfect Lily Evans used to throw up everything she ate? She groaned ripping herself away from her reflection. That was quite enough sulking. Some day, a guy would find her attractive and want to be with her just the way she was.

She quickly tugged on her school uniform made certain everything was in place. She thrust her arms into her Hogwarts robe. She did a quick check in the mirror and decided to yank her up into a single ponytail with a secure clip. With a quick swipe of tinted lip balm on her lips, she quickly pocketed the container and slung her book-bag over her shoulder. She opened the door and rushed out of her room managing to grab an apple along the way that was in a bowl on her dresser.

She wouldn't think about James Potter anymore. However, that was easier said than done. She was amongst the first to arrive in the Great Hall for breakfast. She sat down in her usual seat and grabbed a couple pieces of buttered toast. She promptly slathered it with raspberry jelly. She then helped herself to a helping of scrambled eggs and a few sausage links. It was when she poured herself a cup of tea that she noticed James walk in. James and his group usually didn't walk in until well into breakfast.

But there he was amongst the early risers, but to Lily's humiliation, he wasn't alone. He was accompanying a fellow Gryffindore who Lily recognized as one of the sixth year prefects. The girl was a looker, there was no shocker there. She was everything Lily wasn't – slim, slender, and petite. The only trait that Lily possessed was perhaps petite, but slim and slender she was not. Once again, that self-conscious part of her bitterly reminded her why James would never actually desire a girl like her. Lily was too fat compared to all the other girls.

Lily quickly looked away as the pair took a seat further up the table. She continued to eat, but glare at the food as if it were her enemy. It wasn't until she felt Mariana slide in next to her for breakfast that she realized how long she had been in her head.

"Hi."

"Nice of you to finally greet me," Mariana said. "I had been calling your name for better part of a minute. I was wondering if somehow we were in a fight I didn't know about."

Lily blushed. "Oh, sorry. I have a lot on my mind."

"Would it happen to be about that pretty little blond James seems to be chatting with?" Mariana asked as she began helping herself to the food.

"No. Of course not."

"Sure, it's not. I wouldn't think much of it. She's on the Quidditch team with James and Sirius," she told Lily. "They're probably talking about the upcoming game. All of them are training pretty hard with long practices. I saw Sirius on my way here. He looked about ready to fall asleep on Remus. They had an early morning practice."

So the girl was also athletic and obviously had a common interest with James... that was another strike against Lily. Lily wasn't that interested in Quidditch. She had only been to the games once and awhile when Mariana dragged her. Most of the time, she was present for the after-parties in the common rooms during the years. She used to escape upstairs so she wouldn't have to deal with the drunken idiots. She heard about the many stories of those infamous nights. The flashback of coming downstairs and bumping straight into a sobering up James came rushing back. She never would admit to anyone except of course Mariana, but she always had a huge crush on James. It was that early morning that she had decided to keep her affections to herself when she had come across James and a girl in a year below them making out in the hallway.

Any question if James was still a virgin dissipated and so did her desire to be with him as well. Lily had looked at the girl and knew she would never be like her. She had gotten so depressed about it that she had fallen into a toxic eating disorder. If it wasn't for Mariana catching her one night, Lily was certain she would still be suffering from it. However, eating disorders didn't necessarily go away either no matter what people thought.

"You have nothing to worry about, Lil," Mariana said drawing her out her mind. "She's not his type."

"Neither am I," Lily argued.

Mariana chuckled as she glanced down the table. "Oh, I think you are definitely his type."

Lily followed her eyes as she came across James staring right at her. Sirius, Remus, and Peter had finally graced the Great Hall with their presence sitting by James and the blond prefect. The look in his eyes was inquisitive at first but then they darkened. She gulped at the intense and fierce determination that reflected in them. Then he looked away when Sirius said something causing the group to laugh.

"You know, I think he looked at only one thing like that."

Confused, Lily looked at Mariana. "Which would be?"

"The Snitch."

**. . .**

Lily was not looking forward to meeting up with James for their weekly progress report. Since she knew James was quite busy, she had accommodated him by only setting up weekly meeting to go over anything that needed to be discussed. She had effectively not had to discuss much of anything with James in the past few days and avoided him. She was certain this meeting would be a breeze considering she was certain that James would want to get to sleep early tonight. The game tomorrow was against Slytherin so it was much more hyped up.

She was nervously waiting for James to come back to the Head's common room. They would usually meet after his Quidditch practices. When she heard the portrait open, she looked towards the entrance and saw James walk through. He was still clad in his Quidditch gear. She tried not to stare so openly, but it was hard not to.

"Sorry. I know I'm late," James apologized as he strode towards the staircase leading to the bedrooms. "I'll be right out. I just need a quick shower."

Lily just nodded. He gave her a smile before he rushed up the steps and disappeared into his room. She heard the shower turn on and waited patiently until it shut off. She just wanted to get this over so she could go back to avoiding him.

She heard him rush back downstairs. This time he was just wearing sweatpants and gray shirt. The gray shirt did nothing to hide his muscular physique he had achieved through playing Quidditch. He peered at her through his glasses and ruffled his already messy wet locks with a hand.

"Tonight's easy," she told him as he sat down on the sofa adjacent from the chair she was sitting in. "You just need to look over the rounds and check off on it. That's pretty much it. We didn't have any problems this week concerning patrols."

James nodded as he eyed the lists of names. "So you changed our rounds?"

"Yes, I figured it would be easier. Remus and you get along. You don't need me getting on your case about stuff."

"Is that really the only reason why you changed the schedule?"

Lily flushed. "If you don't want me to change them, I won't."

"I think we need to talk." James placed the paper on the table and fixed his eyes unto her. "You've been avoiding me all week."

"We still got our work done, James. I don't see why that's a problem."

"Well, we're both Head Boy and Head Girl. I think we should be consolidating our expertise and our efforts," James told her. Lily cringed at the same words she had often spat at him in one of their arguments over him stepping up to be a better Head Boy.

"James-"

"Now, Lily, you wouldn't want to be known to go back on your word, would you?"

Lily swallowed as he gave her a look that meant he was in rare form today. He would fight her tooth and nail on this matter. She licked her lips looking down at her hands.

"Maybe, you're right," she whispered. "We-We should stick together."

James nodded. "Good. I'm glad you feel that way," he said. "Well, it was a rough practice. I hope you don't mind if I head to bed, because we have a huge game tomorrow. That is... if everything is really all settled now?"

"Everything is fine."

"Okay, then, I'll see you tomorrow," he said as he got to his feet making his way to the staircase. "You are coming to the game, right?"

"May-Maybe," she stammered.

"You should. It'll be a good one to see."

James continued to walk away from a seemingly casual conversation. Confused, Lily didn't know what to make of what just happened. How in the world had James managed to switch the momentum and use her own words against her? She had been certain he'd take Remus over her, but she was wrong. Instead, he insisted they stay together.

Abruptly, he turned to face her on the first landing. He crossed his arms and looked straight into her eyes. "We still need to talk later on."

"About?"

"You kissing me," he said simply. "No, wait. You kissing me, running off, and then avoiding me. Yes, that. We need to talk about that. Anyways, sleep well."

Before Lily could respond, he disappeared up the steps leading to his bedroom. Her eyes stayed frozen on the spot where James had been standing.


	4. Chapter Three

THE WAY THE COOKIE CRUMBLES  
Chapter Three

Gryffindore won against Slytherin. Although, Lily couldn't really give anyone the score of the game or what names of each plays were done, she did know when Gryffindore won. The entire section began cheering when James caught the Snitch ending and winning the game. Lily couldn't help but cheer along with the crowd. The entire Gryffindore team surrounded James on the ground and lifted high up in the air.

From where she sat with Mariana in the stands, she had indeed seen a spectacular game. She felt bad that she didn't know the specifics of the game, but she loved the drama and dynamic. It had been awhile since she just enjoyed the event. Everyone got so into it. Too bad it took her this long to figure out she actually enjoyed watching it. She had spent so much time being irritated with James that she swore off everything he was passionate about.

"That was such a great game!" Mariana cried out as she turned to Lily. "I'm surprised you let me drag you along with me."

Lily just shrugged. "I needed something to do."

"This was one of the better games," she admitted. "They deserved to win it after Rhydes sent a Bludger at James. Blimey, I don't even want to think about what could've happened if James didn't react that way!"

Lily didn't want to think about that moment either. James had been dangling dangerously from his broomstick. He had already been manhandled off his broomstick and barely managed to make a grab for the handle. She was watched in horror as Lincoln Rhydes purposely sent a Bludger right at James. He managed to dodge it by swinging his body to the side. It did clip his side, but thankfully, he didn't take the full brunt of it. She held her breath as she watched James swing himself side to side and then kick his leg up over his broomstick. Once he was finally back on top of his broomstick, he abruptly took off. That's when Mariana grabbed Lily's arm and told her that James spotted the Snitch.

She thought it was a good thing it was over. She didn't know how much more she excitement she could take. She noticed a bunch of the Gryffindores, who were in the stands, had made it on the field celebrating with the team. She was smiling down at the celebration until she watched the same blond from the other day throw herself at James. Her heart sank when she threw arms around his neck and gave him a passionate kiss. It was reminiscent of the one she gave James only with more passion and fire. This time though, he kissed the blond back.

She turned to Mariana who had went wide-eyed and her jaw had dropped.

"I told you she was his type."

"Lily, he doesn't mean a bloody thing about that kiss and you know it!" Mariana gasped while Lily attempted to leave. Mariana had grabbed her arm preventing her to leave. "All of them are fired up. He's reacting on instinct."

"What am I then?" Lily hissed. "A foreign invader?"

"You're Lily."

"That doesn't make any sense!"

Lily once again attempted to break free of Mariana's grasp, but her best friend held on to her. She gave up with trying to get away and sagged her shoulders in defeat. Devastated, she looked back on the field and noticed Sirius had come up to James grabbing his attention. Sirius then proceeded to point up into the stands where she and Mariana were still standing. James looked towards where Sirius was pointing and he froze when he saw her. It was if he came to himself and realized who he was holding his arms and what he had done. The blond had also looked up in the same direction, but even being at a distance, Lily noticed the smug look on her face.

Lily's eyes widened when he broke off from the crowd abandoning both Sirius and the blond. Offhandedly, she noticed Sirius grab the blond's arm keeping her from following. She watched James mount his broomstick and zip up towards the stands.

"Bloody hell," Lily murmured as she scrambled towards an exit.

She didn't want to be confronted by James. Her broken heart was already handed back to her. She didn't need his apologetic explanation. She didn't want a bloody thing from him now. She heard Mariana call after her. She looked over her shoulder to see James land next to Mariana on the steps and Mariana nodded at something James had said as he handed her his broomstick.

_Bloody traitor._ Lily groaned at Mariana's accommodating behavior. Wasn't Mariana supposed to be on her side? When James continued up the steps towards her. She quickly headed down the steps leading to the ground floor. Unfortunately, he was more in shape than she was. She knew James was gaining on her.

She had made it to the ground floor where she could hear the roar of people still celebrating the win. It was still utter chaos. People were everywhere. Some were heading back to the castle and others just mulling about enjoying the festivities. She gasped when she felt someone grab her arm and drag her backwards into the shadows of the staircase.

She wasn't surprised that she was looking up at James. She had just wished she had the time to outsmart him and escape from this miserable conversation.

"You don't have to do this."

"Do what?" he asked in confusion.

"Explain anything."

"I was just going to ask if you were coming to the party."

She frowned. "Really? That's why you chased me all the way down the staircase to ask me if I was-"

He caught her off-guard when he yanked her towards him wrapping one arm around her waist and the other swept up into her hair. She gasped in surprise which only made it easier for him she came to realize when he rendered her speechless with a deep and passionate kiss. He backed her up against the wall. The coldness of the stone against her back did nothing to soothe the heat rising from the pit of her stomach and outwards encompassing her entire body.

James evidently knew how to kiss a girl senseless to the point words and logic had no place to much of Lily's chagrin. The moment he stopped kissing her, the reality settled in around her like ice in her veins. His dark eyes looked into hers and she wasn't quite certain how to respond.

They both heard someone coming down the steps of the staircase. James pulled away from her and smirked. He nervously ruffled his already messy locks. Lily watched Mariana draw back in surprise when she came around the last few steps dragging James's broomstick.

"Oops," Lily heard Mariana mutter.

James chuckled. "We were just... finishing this conversation."

Conversation? Lily questioned silently as she raised her eyebrows at that. She opened her mouth to protest, but Mariana beat her to it.

"About what exactly?"

"She said she'd be delighted to attend the after-party in the Gryffindore common room, isn't that right, Lily?"

Lily's darted a look at James then nodded slowly.

"Seriously? I thought you hated those parties ever since you bumped into him making out with that girl in..." Mariana trailed off realizing she had blown Lily's secret. "Never-Nevermind. I-I think that would be a great idea."

Lily slapped a hand over her face as James eyed her suspiciously. "Go, James. Now. Please? Just go."

James looked from Lily to Mariana before he took his broomstick from Mariana then slowly backed away and out of the staircase. "Alright then. See you ladies soon."

When James finally left, Lily looked at Mariana who was looking down at the floor sheepishly. She shook her head at her so-called best friend. She realized it was pretty useless to get upset with her at this point. The damage was already done.

"So what really happened?" Mariana asked her knowingly.

Lily just sighed. "He kissed me."

"See, I knew you were his type."

"And aren't you supposed to be my best friend? Why in the world did you help him out, Miss-Let Me-Take-Your-Broom-So-I-Can-Make-It-So-Much-Easier-To-Catch-Her?"

"Because he chased after you."

"Mariana, that doesn't even make any sense."

"Lil, he cares enough to run after you when you're upset. Think about it, okay? You're the one that thrives on logic here. He wouldn't have chased after you all these times if he didn't give a damn about you, would he now?"

**. . .**

How many times had James chased after her when she was upset? Lily found herself asking in her mind when Mariana dragged her down the hallway towards the Gryffindore common room. She wasn't even certain if she wanted to attend the after-party considering the last run-in with James had turned out differently than she thought. She was so sure he was going to give her that _'lets be friends'_ speech now that the blond had captured his undivided attention.

She chewed her bottom lip. To be honest, she and James never really had been friends either. Once upon a time, when she had been civil with him and had been head over heels infatuated with him. It had crushed her when she found him making out with that girl. She had vowed then she would never let James get underneath her skin ever again. That worked out well, didn't it?

Now here she was being pulled into the Gryffindore common room and Lily wasn't attempting to stop her best friend from doing it. She should be shaking her head at her contradictory behavior. She had set up those walls and barriers for a purpose so she wouldn't get hurt again.

"Glad you two finally made it!"

Lily looked up to see Sirius leaning against the wall by the portrait drinking some firewhiskey. Sirius handed her the bottle and smirked.

"C'mon, Head Girl. Live a little."

She looked down at the bottle in her hands. She did a quick scan around the room and noticed James talking to the blond again. They seemed to be having an intense conversation. Why had she even come? She glared at Mariana who was flirting up a storm with Sirius. She groaned at the way she practically threw herself at him. Well, if Mariana could throw caution to wind so could she especially now as she witnessed James and the blond disappear into the darkness of the stairwell leading up to the boy's dormitories. So, she was a fool she decided. Well, she was going to be a drunken fool she decided.

Without another torturous thought at what James and the blond were doing, she knocked back what was left of the firewhiskey.

"Bloody hell!" Sirius cried out.

After she was done wincing, Lily handed the empty bottle back to Sirius. "Is that all you got?"

"N-No. I have more in the dorm."

"Well, good. I kinda like the taste."

Sirius smirked. "A girl after my own heart."

"Lily?" Mariana called out as they both watched Sirius head to the boy's dormitory. "Are you alright? You just drank firewhiskey. You absolutely hate that stuff."

Lily recalled the memory when she had bumped into James in the hallway making out heavily with some girl. He smelled like Quidditch, Firewhiskey, and sex. She shrugged maybe it was time to make some good memories with the smell of Firewhiskey, Quidditch, and sex. James was toying with her heart. She might as well enjoy the night being numbed out by booze than to slink back to her bedroom and cry herself to sleep.

"I think I could learn to love this stuff."

"Lil."

"I'm good, Mariana."

Sirius reappeared with another bottle of firewhiskey. He had opened it and had already drunk some of it. He tipped the bottle towards her offering her it. Lily smiled at the reappearance of Sirius and firewhiskey. She snatched the bottle from Sirius from his hand and took a big gulp. She was already feeling dizzy.

There was a huge grin that appeared on his face. "I'm liking this new side of Lily Evans."

"Oh, you haven't seen anything yet."

Lily surveyed the common room. There were people dancing in the common room having a grand time. She grabbed Mariana's arm and pulled her towards the crush of people. Mariana must've dragged Sirius along, because he was there in front of her when she turned to face her best friend.

"Mariana, you like to dance!" she gasped enthusiastically.

Mariana raised her eyebrows. "Lily, are you sure you're alright?"

"Hey, you," Sirius chuckled, winking at Mariana. "Don't spoil this. This is a rare moment. Where'd James go? I can't believe he's missing this."

Lily grabbed the firewhiskey and took another long gulp. She offered it to Mariana who eyed Lily then the bottle before caving in with a sigh. She took a gulp of it and hissed at the taste. She shook her head obviously not a fan of the sting.

"Hits the spot, don't it?" Sirius teased Mariana.

When Mariana finally let loose, Lily followed suit dancing along with her. Sirius just watched enjoying the view until Mariana yanked him towards her. Lily just laughed and grabbed the firewhiskey from Sirius who was obviously preoccupied at the time to care about it. She danced around taking sips of firewhiskey. People she sort of knew but didn't ever truly associate with pulled her into the group dancing and laughing.

She gasped when she felt arms around her. She knew it wasn't James, but for a moment, she pretended it was. She swayed to the music letting her body mold to the body behind hers. She continued to drink deeply from the bottle. Her entire world seemed hazy and off-kilter, but she couldn't bring herself to care. She saw Mariana in front of her and watched in slow-motion as Sirius and Mariana began to make-out.

She felt herself being turned around. She took in the face of the guy she was dancing with. He looked familiar, but she couldn't put a face to him. She heard him tell her his name. She just giggled in response and once again took another swig of firewhiskey. When she let the bottle fall away from her lips, she felt the guy cup her cheek and kiss her. It was a sloppy and messy kiss. Nothing like how James had kissed her earlier, but she was being kissed. That was nice, wasn't it? To be desired... to be kissed... She frowned when suddenly all she felt was the icy chill of air.

She opened her eyes to see the guy who had been kissing her was a little ways away on the ground rubbing his jaw. James was standing over the guy shaking out his hand. He turned to face her. He looked absolutely pissed off. She wandered over to him stumbling a bit.

"What's wrong?" she asked. "Why so angry?"

"Lily, he kissed you. You just let him kiss you and you just stood there."

"Oh, hush." She giggled when she placed her fingertips across his mouth. "It was just a little kiss."

Shocked, James raised his eyebrows at that pulling away slightly.

"Just a kiss?" he asked.

"Potter, I think you need to lighten up a bit."

She offered him the bottle of firewhiskey. His eyes widened. He kept glancing at her then the bottle then back at her.

"You hate firewhiskey," he said.

"No, I don't hate firewhiskey," she muttered as he took the bottle from her and swallowed down a gulp of it. "I hate the fact I bumped into you screwing a girl against the wall smelling like firewhiskey, Quidditch, and well, obviously sex. That's why I may have been disgusted at the time with firewhiskey. Oh! And of course, Quidditch too."

James coughed violently choking on the second gulp he had taken. Lily patted his back and rubbed it.

"Bloody hell," he croaked. "I need some air."

"Oh, okay. Have fun."

"Lily, c'mon. I think you've had enough."

"But I want to dance-"

"We can dance on top of the astronomy tower."

Lily looked at James for a moment. Her eyes swept over him. She wanted to know what it felt like to be wrapped into his arms just once even if it was a drunken moment on top of the astronomy tower. She sighed as she held out her hand to him. He accepted it and curled his fingers about hers.

"I might be up for dancing on top of the astronomy tower."

"Good," he said as he began to weave through the crowd to leave the Griffindore common room. She heard him whisper to himself, "Because I wasn't going to leave without you anyway even if I had to drag you out."

She smiled to herself when he ushered her out of the common room into the empty hallway of the castle.


	5. Chapter Four

THE WAY THE COOKIE CRUMBLES  
Chapter Four

Lily woke up with her throbbing headache. She groaned at the bright light streaming through the window and filling up the entire room. She squeezed her shut while flinging her arm over her face to shield her eyes. Then she felt movement beneath her. Why was her so-called bed moving?

With that, Lily quickly opened her eyes realizing she was definitely not in her bedroom. She tried to muffle a gasp when she squirmed against James. Panic began to rise up within her. What in the world happened last night? Hazy memories began to surface from the recesses of Lily's mind. She had attended the after-party celebration at Gryffindore common room. Glimpses of the night flashed inside her mind.

Her breathing slowed back to normal. James had taken care of her drunken self. She scanned the area realizing she was in the Head's common room on a couch. Well, correction, she was just lying on top of James who was sprawled out on the couch. His arms were loosely wrapped around her. Their limbs tangled up in a warm and fuzzy blanket.

She peered up at James watching him sleep peacefully. She couldn't help but smile. She had just settled back into his arms when there was loud knocking at the door of the common room accompanied by familiar voices. The sound jolted James awake. He frowned in confusion before it all came back to him as well. She waited until his eyes settled on hers.

"Morning," he murmured with a lazy smile.

She returned the smile. "Morning." She sighed when there were more knocks at the door. "Seems as if we have visitors."

"Mm, unwanted visitors," he mumbled.

She grinned at that. They began the process of detangling their bodies as they forced themselves up. She watched him stand up and stretch. There was another round of knocking with Sirius calling out, "Prongs, wakey-wakey! You don't want to miss breakfast!"

"Just hold on!" James shouted then shook his head.

He was making his way towards the steps when he stopped and looked over his shoulder. Lily blushed realizing she had been caught eyeing his body in appreciation. Amused, he raised his eyebrows at that and smirked.

"Well, c'mon," James said. "I'll meet you back in the common room and we'll all go get some food."

Lily smiled nodding her head in agreement. Both of them rushed upstairs. She quickly pulled on a nice sweater and a pair of slightly baggy sweatpants. It was the weekend thankfully. She could get away with dressing comfortably.

When her eyes came across her reflection in the bathroom mirror, she grimanced at the mess. She quickly dragged a brush quickly through her red locks. She also brushed her teeth in record time. She splashed her face with water and examined her reflection.

She sighed realizing it was better than nothing. There was no sense in worrying about it. It was only breakfast, right? As an afterthought, she glazed her lips with a gloss before heading down to the common room to meet up with James.

Just like he said, James was waiting. He was in dark jeans paired with a long-sleeved navy shirt over a white undershirt. He smiled when he saw her.

"Ready?" he asked.

Lily nodded and they headed out of the common room to collide into the rest of the Marauders and Mariana. Sirius was the first to complain.

"Finally!" he cried out pushing off the wall. "I was about to starve."

James chuckled. "Then why didn't you just head to the Great Hall and we would've just met up with you guys there?"

"I had suggested that," Remus told James before giving Sirius a look. "Except he insisted on bothering you."

"I wanted details!" Sirius said stubbornly.

Both Mariana and Remus rolled their eyes as Peter stared at Sirius wide-eyed in disbelief.

"You sound like a girl," Mariana muttered as she walked up to Lily. "Lets go. Lack of food makes me cranky."

Lily nodded as she began to walk down the hallway with Mariana. The others followed suit. Lily heard Sirius haggling James for details. When James refused to give anything away, Sirius only pressed him further. It was to the point that Lily couldn't help but to come to his rescue.

"Sirius, we shagged. We shagged like rabbits," Lily said looking over her shoulder. "Tried every wizardly position known twice. James didn't let me up all night. I don't even know how I'm walking."

Both James and Remus raised their eyebrows in amusement over her very unlike 'Lily' response. Peter's mouth dropped open and Mariana burst out laughing. Sirius froze then smirked.

"See, I told you I like this new side of Lily," Sirius said. "We should supply you with firewhiskey more often."

Mariana chuckled. "New? That's laughable."

Lily grinned at her best friend. James crossed his arms and gave her a questioning look. She had the grace to blush when he said, "Well, I didn't realize you had this wild side either."

"Ah, well, you've been missing out," Mariana said winking at James.

"I guess you'll just have to wait and see," Lily responded saucily.

James took a step towards her. His eyes burning into hers with unbridled heat. "And what will I find?"

Although Lily felt alarmed by the heat in his eyes, she refused to back down. She wouldn't let him get the best of her. If he wanted to play games, she'd toy with him too.

"It's a surprise," she said. "Just wait and see. I wouldn't want to spoil it for you."

"Sheesh you two," Mariana gasped pulling Lily away from James. "Little first years don't need to see you two shagging in the middle of the hall now. You guys are better than the characters in romance novels."

Lily chuckled. "Mariana, that's not real. It's only fantasy."

James walked by her as he whispered, "I bet we can be better than any scene is a romance novel."

"That's why I'm saying," Mariana cut into Lily's overreactive imagination. "You can cut the sexual tension with a knife. Better than fantasy."

"Hey, what am I? Chopped liver?" Sirius cried out eyeing Mariana.

"You fell asleep on me!"

"Before?" Lily asked.

"No, during."

The group burst out laughing as Sirius turned red at Mariana's remark. He tried to protest, but he was met by Mariana's dark glare. Remus chuckled patting his back as they came up on the Great Hall.

"Well, I can rectify the situation, Mariana," Sirius said as he grabbed her elbow stopping her. "If you allow me, I'll show what a real wizard can do."

Lily exchanged a look with James as he looked over his shoulder at the new development. She watched Mariana sigh then pat Sirius's shoulder.

"Sorry, Sweetie," she told him. "You said that last night too and the night after the win against Ravenclaw. This was your chance to redeem yourself. Total epic fail. Sometimes, it's time to move on to better pastures."

Sirius growled. "We'll see about that," he muttered as he strode past the group into the Great Hall.

"You think I hit a nerve?" Mariana asked Lily and James who watched Sirius slam himself down in the Marauder's usual spot.

"You think?" James chuckled.

"I guess I could've been nicer, but where's the fun in that?" Mariana said as she decided to head over and take the spot across from Sirius who refused to look at her.

"Should I be worried?" Lily asked noticing the hostility Sirius was showing Mariana.

James shook his head. "No, but she should. She just issued a straight up challenge. His rep is on the line for being a sex god."

"I thought that was your rep," Lily whispered. James frowned looking down at her confused. "Oh, oops? You didn't know."

"I'm not a sex god. I don't shag all the time."

"Oh, I see. Not as good in the sack as everyone claims you to be?" Lily smirked eyeing James up and down. "It's okay. It happens to the best of us."

She started to walk away to sit next to Mariana when she heard an outraged "Hey!" come from James behind her. She continued walking without stopping even though James called after her.

She had sat down next to Mariana who was eyeing Sirius in amusement. When James sat down across from her giving her a dark look, Lily couldn't help but take it a little further in the teasing.

"It seems as if Sirius isn't the only one whose rep is inflated."

Mariana's eyes widened and glanced across the table at James. "Aw, Lil, that's a shame to hear."

James turned to Sirius who glaring at his pumpkin juice. "Sirius, mate, I think it's time we give these ladies a run for their money," he told him. "It seems as if our reputations are at stake."

Sirius eyed James before a big cheshire grin appeared on his face.

"Operation seduction?" he questioned knowingly.

"They won't know what hit them," James agreed.

Remus just groaned obviously knowing what that entailed. Lily frowned at the exchange. Remus had taken a seat next to her so she looked at him. He sighed as he gave her an apologetic look.

"I'm going to regret teasing him, aren't I?" Lily whispered to Remus.

Remus gave her a weak smile before delivering a sympathetic pat on the hand. "You thought he was bad asking you out all the time. Nothing will compare to what you're in for now."

"Ah, bloody hell," she muttered as she returned her gaze to James who was already staring at her.

"Can't take the heat. Don't issue a challenge."

Lily deciding to turn the tables a little bit as she let her foot hook on his leg and run slowly along his calf. He jumped slightly at the contact.

"Same to you," she said cheekily. Virgin or not, she had a few things hidden up her sleeves.

**. . .**

After breakfast, Lily and Mariana parted ways with the Marauders. She was saddened by the fact that she didn't really discuss with James the events of last night. Yes, they had this so-called challenge issued now, but she couldn't help but feel as if a lot of things were left unsaid between them. They didn't have time to discuss it in the morning, because they had been ambushed by their friends. Now, they were heading off into different directions. Since it was the weekend, she didn't know when the next time she'd see James until classes on Monday. Since one of the Ravenclaw's prefects had fallen ill and was currently in the hospital wing, Lily had no choice but to do Saturday's nightly rounds.

Before it never mattered to her if she came across James. Sure, she always had this obsession with him, but it had never amounted to anything not like now. She never liked to admit she was head-over-heels bat-crazy infatuated with him. She had covered it up perfectly with disgust and hatred. Okay, hatred was a strong word, but ever since she had bumped into him with that girl, she couldn't help but openly hate him. She hated the fact she felt so strongly about him and he didn't take her seriously at all. The rift between them deepened. It only gotten worse when she noticed that James was becoming increasingly popular amongst the ladies. When the Marauders began their crusade of pranks, she had taken it upon herself to purposely be on the opposite side of the fence.

It was only Mariana who saw through all of her anger. Mariana had been there the entire time when James Potter had broken her heart into pieces. She had been there through her depression and eating disorder. She had tried to encourage her to forgive James, but when James started to get a reputation for being a sex god, Mariana let that go. Ever since then, Lily had held all her bottled-up hurt and transformed it into fury. It probably wasn't the healthiest way to cope with everything, but Lily didn't know how else she was supposed to handle it.

Mariana must've noticed she had gone quiet and was deep in thought, because she dropped her quill she had been using. She had crawled up on the couch and sat on the opposite side from where Lily sat.

"You look troubled," Mariana remarked, concerned.

Drawn out of her gloomy thoughts, Lily gave her a slight smile. "Just thinking that's all, y'know, about everything. I mean just days ago I hated James-"

"You and I both know that's not true. You never hated James."

"I hated him for making me fall for him."

"True," Mariana agreed.

"What if this is just all some game to him?" Lily asked softly as she curled her knees up to her chest. "I never did ask him about the blond."

Mariana snorted. "Lil, nothing is going on with him and that blond."

"I started drinking heavily, because I saw him talking with that blond again," she countered. Her heart clenched at the memory of watching him disappear with her. "He had disappeared with her for a bit. For all I know, he's toying with both of us."

"I don't doubt the blond has it bad for him." Mariana watched her closely as she squirmed on the couch. "James is a sought after bloke, sweetie. That's a known fact. I just wouldn't let your insecurities get in between what may be happening between the two of you."

"Oh, you mean operation seduction?" Lily chuckled shaking her head at that.

"No, not about that," Mariana said with a smile. "He really does care for you, Lil. You don't see how he looks you when you're not looking."

Lily blushed. "You're just pulling my leg."

"I never told you, because you were always so stubborn about him saying that he only wanted one thing from you. I was there that infamous day when little James declared his love for you and promised that one day he'd marry you," Mariana giggled at the memory. "You were so mad at him for embarrassing you."

Lily sighed welcoming a trip down memory lane. She glanced at the clock and noticed she had a few hours before she had to patrol the halls for any romantic liassons taking place. They had skipped dinner by accident she realized. She heard her stomach grumble and she wondered if a little trip to the kitchen would be worth leaving the warmth of the fireplace. She chewed her bottom lip eyeing the journal she had been writing in. Maybe, it was worth a little adventure to get some food.

As if on cue, the portrait door opened and voices broke through the cozy silence. Lily turned her head eyeing the Marauders as they waltzed through and walked towards them. Both James and Sirius were armed with picnic baskets and Remus had a rolled up blanket tucked underneath his arm. Peter, however, wasn't to be found, which was strange since the boy followed the three around like a dog on a leash at times.

Both Lily and Mariana eyed the picnic baskets as James and Sirius deposited them on the ground beside the coffee table. Remus had made quick work of getting the coffee table cleared off then he uncurled the blanket over the table. All three of the guys began to take out the contents of the picnic baskets. When James noticed the incredulous looks on both Lily and Mariana's faces, Lily watched him just shrug his shoulder. A slight blush graced his cheeks.

"We noticed you guys didn't eat at all the rest of the day," he told them.

Mariana eyed the thermos that Sirius had taken out. "Please, tell me that's hot chocolate?"

Sirius looked at Mariana as if he was trying to decide he was still mad at her. He just shrugged finally and dug into the basket taking a mug. He continued to pour her a mug of hot chocolate then handed it to her. Mariana accepted it happily knocking the book she had on her lap on the ground. Sirius grabbed the book it and eyed it.

"Poetry," he said. "At least, it's better off than your usual reading material."

Mariana rolled her eyes as she sipped at her hot chocolate. "Sulking still I see."

"Nothing to sulk about," he told her flippantly. "Why would I sulk when your assessment about my sexual prowess is absolutely devoid of any truth?"

"Surprising," Mariana said dryly. "Big words, Black. I'm surprised they are in your vocabulary."

"Just because I'm not up to par with the likes of those Ravenclaw blokes you oh so love to rave about doesn't mean I don't know a thing or two."

"Jealous much?"

"Mariana!" Lily gasped noticing an argument was about to be unleashed between those two. "They just brought us food. They didn't have to."

"Well, tell him to play nicely!" Mariana cried out. She glared at Sirius. "It's not my fault you were too drunk to get it right."

"Well, then, I see where I'm not wanted," Sirius growled as he got to his feet. "Prongs, Moony, I'll see you later."

"Oh, c'mon, Sirius!" Mariana gasped charging after Sirius as he strode towards the door. "You're acting childish!"

"Bloody hell, woman!"

Sirius turned to her and grabbed her suddenly. He wrapped his arms around her body kissing her senseless. Lily watched as Mariana weakened then melt into Sirius's arms returning the kiss. Then he abruptly flung her away from. His eyes were incredibly stormy as he regarded her.

"When we have sex, and yes, I did say when, you will be literally begging me for more," he told her darkly. "Mark my words, Mariana. None of those fantastical romance novels are going to prepare you for what I have in store for you."

With that, he stormed out of the common room. Wide-eyed, Mariana stood frozen staring at the spot Sirius had been. Lily couldn't believe it either. Sirius was always in a good mood and always joking. This side of Sirius was a little dark and little mysterious. Although, Sirius openly was against his family and what they believed in, Lily knew that he definitely had some "Black" in him. Maybe not by belief but definitely by cold determination. She bit her lip as Mariana slowly turned to the rest of them near the fireplace.

"I-I didn't think he'd be this mad about it," she said honestly.

James shrugged. "Don't worry about it, Mariana. He just needs to cool down."

Lily frowned at the way James completely skimmed over the outburst like it happened every day. She sighed realizing that of course James would know this side of Sirius. He was his best friend. She watched as Mariana eye the entrance to the common room for a moment.

"Maybe, I should track him down," Mariana said nervously. "I really don't want him to be mad or anything. It was just some harmless fun."

"If that's what you really want," James told her. "I wouldn't recommend you to go search him out much less talk with him. He's pretty fired up."

"Just want to clear the air."

"Alright, when he gets that mad, he usually goes to the Pitch to beat the bloody pulp out of the Bludgers. But I'm warning you, Mariana, you probably should let him calm down."

But Mariana didn't heed his warning and she hurried out of the common room in search of Sirius. Lily raised her eyebrows as she watched her best friend go. She turned to James and Remus who were exchanging a look of concern. They looked like they were mentally having a silent conversation. Remus nodded his head as he got to his feet suddenly.

"I think I'm going to go for a walk," Remus said casually as he started towards the door.

"He wouldn't hurt her, would he?" Lily questioned bringing Remus to a stop. She looked back and forth from James to Remus.

"Physically no, of course not," James told her honestly. "I can't say he won't verbally abuse her."

"I'll see you two later."

Abruptly, Remus took off leaving Lily and James alone. She frowned at Remus's hasty exit and eyed James. He sighed staring at all the food and shook his head.

"I guess we won't have to worry about tomorrow," he said.

Lily smiled at him. "The gesture was nice though, James."

James looked into her eyes and held hers. Lily could feel the heat in her cheeks rising as she quickly broke eye contact and looked away. When James decided to sit down on the couch, Lily couldn't help but to gravitate towards him. He was staring down at the food focused on his thought until he jerked and turned to her abruptly. She drew back slightly, but he pinned her with a shocked look.

Lily frowned at his strange behavior. "Um, James? What-"

"You!" he cut in. "Sirius doesn't let anything get to him. Ever. But he's so pissed off at Mariana. He wouldn't get that upset over anything as small as that if he didn't have strong feelings for her."

"Uh, true. That's true."

James eyed her through narrowed eyes. "Then why did you hate me so bloody much? At first, you were just merely embarrassed then you just went into being a straight up-"

"Language," Lily warned instinctively.

He gave her a look before continued. "Brat," he supplied. "When you were drunk, you confessed that you didn't hate firewhiskey or Quidditch. You hated the fact that you caught me screwing a girl against the wall smelling like firewhiskey and Quidditch."

"You also smelled like sweat too."

"Exactly. Why would firewhiskey and Quidditch cause that much of an adverse reaction to you? Because it reminded you of me screwing some girl?" he questioned. A light went on in his eyes. "Why would you even give a bloody damn that I was screwing another girl if you didn't care?"

Bollocks. Lily bowed her head. She mentally cursed both Sirius and Mariana for indirectly revealing a deep and hidden secret that she never wanted to come to light. She gulped as she quickly got to her feet. James did as well as if he was ready to block her if she tried to run. Her heartbeat was pounding against her chest. She rubbed her sweaty hands against the material of her sweatpants. She kept silently refusing to reveal anything to James or to herself.

But when James drew closer and forced her to turn around. "I lost my virginity to that same girl you saw me screwing that night."

"I-I know."

"That was in Fifth Year. And that was around the time you started acting just as bad if not worse than Sirius is acting towards Mariana."

"I know."

"Lily, how long have you had feelings for me?"

Humiliation caused tears fill Lily's eyes. "When you declared you loved me all those years ago and said that you would one day marry me," she told him softly. Her eyes lifted and burned into his. "I fell in love with you in Second Year when you sent me a Valentine's Day card telling me I'd always be your Lily-flower and had sent me a waterlily frozen in time."

"Lily..." he murmured.

"Then you broke my heart in Third Year when Clara stole your first kiss and I knew you had just been lying to me," she whispered. "I felt like I was dying in Fourth Year when you went out with your first girlfriend. Fifth Year, I bumped into you losing your virginity to some Ravenclaw who had crashed the Gryffindore celebatory after-party after you won the Cup."

"Lily-"

"No, you want to know!" she gasped as tears fell down her cheeks. "Here's the bloody truth, James Potter. Sixth Year, I was so depressed that I could never look like any of the girls you were truly interested in so I threw up everything I ate." She noticed his eyes flash then darken at that. "If it wasn't for Mariana catching me over winter break when I couldn't go home, because my bloody sister hates me so bloody much she demanded in a letter that she didn't want me home. Sixth Year, I absolutely loathed you. Everything about you."

She had noticed he had been inching towards her through her entire revealing of her darkest secret, but when Jame grabbed her arms and yanked her towards him.

"Don't you _ever_ think that way about yourself again."

She started to laugh suddenly breaking away from him. "Seventh Year, I saw you bump into Beth crying in the hallway before the Welcoming Feast and made her smile when you told her that she was a beautiful girl that she didn't need Amos. Beth, like all the others, is beautiful and thin. I relapsed and threw up that first night as Head Girl," she told him. "Aren't I just a bright shining example of the perfect Head Girl? You want to know how long I've had feelings for you then, well, there you go. Are you happy now?"

Before he could grab her again, Lily whirled around fled the common room. She knew he was after her. She once again cursed at her weight and being out of shape as she attempted to stay ahead of him. When she made a sharp turn and headed towards the astronomy tower, she thought she finally escaped him. She looked out at the stars. She remember what happened last night and how it felt to dance with James underneath the stars. How did everything just fall apart so quickly?

She frowned thinking she had heard the door open then close, but when she quickly looked around, she saw nothing. She was completely alone. James would never date her now. He'd never want someone as sick and messed up as her. She let out a scream which was then muffled when someone grabbed her from behind and placed a hand over her mouth. When she forced to turn around, she found herself face to face with James. How did he get up here?

"Shh, calm down," he soothed as he brought her close to his chest and wrapped his arms securely around her body. "Just calm down. It's okay."

She clung to him as he continued to hold her letting go years of pain and sorrow. She noticed something though that made her feel a spark of hope - he wasn't leaving even after all the things she confessed. He was staying right by her holding her close.


	6. Chapter Five

THE WAY THE COOKIE CRUMBLES  
Chapter Five

Later on, James had decided to accompany Lily while she did her rounds. He had told her that they could cover more ground as well. After, they could relax in the common room and pick at the still untouched picnic. Lily didn't know what James was thinking as they walked side by side down the hallway.

James seemed focused in patrolling, but Lily knew that wasn't what was on his mind. It wasn't the reason why he wasn't so talkative. He usually peppered her with conversation, but not right now not after what had just happened. Lily wondered if he was weighing if it was better to ditch her or stick with her. She bit her lip as she stole glances in his direction. He didn't seem to catch her. At least, he didn't acknowledge it if he had been noticing. Lily sighed feeling her body sag with disappointment. The tension was wearing on her nerves. If James didn't want to be with her, he didn't have to be with her. She reached out and touched his wrist. Startled, he stopped and glanced at her. She looked into his concerned eyes and groaned shaking her head.

"This isn't going to work," she said in frustration. "I'm always going to wonder if you're thinking about it. You're always going to be thinking about it and you will always be concerned that I'm doing it-"

"Hold on! That's not fair. Lily, you just told me all this a little while ago. You need to give me time to adjust to _everything_."

Lily crossed her arms as she fixed him with a glare. "James, I don't need you to babysit me. I know it doesn't seem like I am, but I have been doing better. I can function just fine without somebody always looking over my shoulder."

She turned on her foot and stormed off. Maybe it was wrong to get angry with James considering he was only trying to be helpful, but she didn't want that for him. She didn't want him to worry about her all the time. What relationship was built on that sick and twisted need to be concerned all the time for somebody's welfare? She had made it down the hall when she felt a hand on her arm. She growled knowing it was James, but he refused to be ignored or avoided. He tugged her around to face him. She swallowed hard when she saw a fierceness lit in his dark eyes as he focused on her. He walked her backwards until she was against the wall. Both his hands on either side of her body effectively trapping her between his arms.

"Lily, you can be the most stubborn girl I've ever met," he said. A forced calmness strained in his voice. "For years, I've wanted you. For years, you wanted me. I didn't know you cared for me _at all_. You never let on how you were feeling. It's this not telling me thing that is getting to me. You can act all tough and brave, Lily, but there's something you should know and I want to make this very clear."

Lily eyed James. She was glad the hallways were dimly lit now due to the lateness of the hour. She cleared her throat nervously.

"What would that be?"

"You can fight me, push me away, and bloody tell me this isn't going to work, but I'm not going to let you walk away from me," he told her. His eyes softened when he lifted his hand and stroked her cheek. "I'm not going anywhere, Evans."

"James, you don't want to take on a mess like me." A few tears escaped and slipped down Lily's cheeks as she looked away from him.

He lifted her chin and forced her to look in his eyes. He leaned in placing a firm kiss on her lips.

"I'll take you on, Evans," he whispered against her lips. "Plus you're not so bloody bad. A little strict, certainly, but I bet I can snap you out of that."

Lily thought about a snippy retort to say, but she couldn't think when his eyes were burning into hers. She blushed instead and grabbed the collar of his shirt with both hands. She yanked him towards her and kissed him. She let his arms fold around her in a protective embrace. However, they quickly tore apart when they heard rushed footsteps heading in their direction. Lily waited for an unsuspecting person to walk around the corner and was surprised when Mariana appeared disheveled. Her clothes were skewed and soaked through. Her hair was messed up. She cried out when she almost plowed both Lily and James over.

"Lily!" Mariana gasped.

Lily frowned as she cast a glance at James. They exchanged looks noticing Mariana's appearance. Her lips looked red and swollen. Her skin appeared to have the makings of a slight bruising on her arms. She had a speechless expression on her face as she looked from Lily to James.

"I-I think I did something really stupid," she said. "I just slept with Sirius."

Lily's eyes widened. "What?"

"Bloody hell." James looked like he was trying not to laugh.

**. . .**

The entire night carried on. After promising Mariana that she'd meet her for breakfast tomorrow, Lily and James had finished the rounds where they caught a few couples up to no good as well. It was pretty easy work tonight. She was grateful when she and James curled up by the fireplace armed with food finally breaking into the picnic feast. She had fallen asleep in his arms again.

When she had woken up in the morning, Lily had realized the time. Mariana would be waiting for her at the Great Hall. She sighed not wanting to leave the warmth of his arms, but she forced herself up off of James. He stirred momentarily and gave her a quick chaste kiss before falling back to sleep.

Lily smiled to herself as she got ready for the day. When she got back downstairs, James was still in the same spot she left him. His face was entirely relaxed devoid of any pain or sorrow. She liked when he was asleep and dreaming. He looked beautiful sprawled out on the couch. Her thoughts began to take a downward spiral with dark desires. She bit her lip and shook her head. Virgins aren't supposed to fantasize about that, she told herself sheepishly.

She headed out of the common room to the Great Hall. She came around the bend and saw Mariana waiting for her at the entrance. She took a deep breath. Well, this was going to be an interesting morning, she decided as she approached her best friend. Mariana looked absolutely relieved to see her.

"I'm so glad you made it," Mariana gasped.

Lily smirked. "How could I not? You threw me through a loop last night."

"I-I didn't mean for this to happen."

Lily and Mariana walked into the Great Hall. It was their usual early bird time. Not many people were up since it was a Sunday and there was no classes. They sat down together side by side. There was a few moments of silence as they prepared their plates with food until Mariana sighed drawing Lily's attention. Mariana was staring gloomily down at her teacup as she stirred it with her spoon.

"So tell me what happened?" she asked with an encouraging smile.

Mariana eyed her hesitantly as if she was thinking that if she didn't tell anyone anything then it never happened. Lily watched her groan as she gave in and pushed the teacup and the saucer aside. She looked around to make certain nobody was in hearing range.

"I went after him, y'know," she told Lily. "I didn't want him to be angry with me. James was right. I found Sirius at the Pitch smashing Bludgers. It had started to rain when I got there and I approached him."

Lily nodded. "How did that go?"

"He was still furious. He warned me to leave, but I didn't," Mariana admitted. "I started getting mad at him, because he started ignoring me. I don't even remember what I had been saying, but it got Sirius riled up again. He packed up the stuff and dragged the trunk back into the locker room. I followed him in. We were yelling at each other pretty loud. I was glad there was thunder storm going on in full swing. I'm certain if there hadn't everyone would've known we were having a row."

"Okay, then what happened?" Lily asked patiently.

"And then I got desperate. He was going to leave. I just started panicking. I don't know what came over me, Lily. I was just so scared that he'd leave and nothing would be resolved."

"So you slept with him?"

"No! I mean, well, yes, technically speaking," Mariana gasped turning red. "I just wanted him to not be so mad at me. I didn't want him to walk out of the locker room still _hating_ me."

"Sweetie, I don't think Sirius ever could hate you."

"I've never seen him this mad at anything or anyone like this. I just wanted him to stop being so angry. I wanted the old Sirius – the laughing and always joking Sirius Black that we've all come to know. So I kissed him. He tried to pull away, but I kept kissing him wanting to melt away his anger. He started kissing me back and things kind of just happened."

"And _then_ you slept with him."

"Yes, against the lockers then again on the benches and the floor." Mariana blushed when Lily's eyes widened at that. Lily opened her mouth to respond when Mariana continued. "And in the showers."

Lily continued to stare at Mariana for a few seconds before shaking out of her shock. "I take it he's better sober?" she joked in disbelief. Mariana gave her a look. "What? I mean you bloody went on about him not being able to satisfy you when he's drunk."

"I know, I know," Mariana huffed. She eyed her food miserably. "When we were, y'know, finished, he went to take a shower. While he was in there, I scrambled to put on my clothes and booked it."

"You didn't even wait for him?"

"Lily, he's a guy. He just shagged me. I didn't want that little speech that _it's been good but I'm not interested in anything past shagging_," Mariana explained. "At least, when he and I were drunk, we could blame it on the Firewhiskey. We were sober, Lil."

Lily frowned for a moment eying her best friend closely. As if light bulb went on, she let out a gasp. "You have feelings for him, don't you?"

Mariana turned her head sharply to face her. She opened her mouth to respond to that before hesitating. She groaned when her eyes flicked to the entrance of the Great Hall. Lily looked there as well and noticed that the Marauders had indeed entered. They weren't alone. They never were, Lily thought to herself dryly, as that same blond and her friend tagged along.

James didn't even seem to be paying attention to the conversation. Lily smiled when he looked around and found her. He smiled in return. Sirius seemed to having an animated conversation with the blond and her friend. There were only a few things that held Sirius's attention that long and the same for James other than mentioning sex was Quidditch. James broke away from the group and headed down the aisle to sit on the other side of Lily. Both Mariana and James greeted each other, but Lily noticed Mariana was definitely distracted by Sirius talking to the blond.

Mariana sighed as she glanced at Lily.

"I guess it doesn't matter if I do, huh?" she murmured. She got up from the bench and placed a hand on Lily's shoulder. "Thanks for listening to me. I think I'm just going to head back to the common room."

"I can come by and we can take a walk around the castle later on?" Lily suggested.

"Sure, I'd like that," she said softly. She gave a wave to James as she made her way to exit the Great Hall.

Lily watched her best friend walk around the rest of the Marauders still standing near the entrance. Mariana had made certain not to even acknowledge Sirius, but she did smile and wave at Remus and Peter. Lily thought Sirius didn't even realize Mariana was leaving since he was in deep conversation with the blond and her friend. However, she noticed Sirius watch Mariana walk out the Great Hall. She chuckled when Sirius seemed to bow out of the conversation after a moment or two and head out of the Great Hall.

Well, the walk later on would be definitely an interesting one, Lily mused as she shook her head in disbelief. There was definitely something blooming between Sirius and Mariana. She suspected it had always been there, but those two were close friends and never dared to breach that line until now.


	7. Chapter Six

THE WAY THE COOKIE CRUMBLES  
Chapter Six

When Lily turned the corner to walk up to the hallway to the Gryffindore common room to meet up with Mariana for that afternoon walk, but she stopped in her footsteps when she heard familiar voices. She realized it was that blond that her eyes set on the Marauders. She had heard her voice in the prefect meetings so she knew what she had sounded like.

She never one to really eavesdrop on a conversation, but she found herself hanging back as she heard the blond talking to one of her friends. She forced herself to keep still during their conversation.

"It's seems as though James Potter is preoccupied with Lily Evans," the blond's friend told her. "Are you sure it's even a good idea to keep after him?"

The blond snorted. "James will tire of her. He'll get what he wants and toss her aside like the trash that she is," she predicted confidently. "There is no way that James would actually find her attractive. I mean look at her. All this time, she badmouthed him and ridiculed him. I bet he's after one thing."

"Cate, I don't know," her friend said unconvinced. "Everyone knows he's been infatuated with her since first year-"

"He's only infatuated with the fact that she's the only girl that he can't get. You wait and see. He'll play her like a violin. He'll change his tune once he's done with her. He'll move on. He always does! And he'll come back to who? _Me_."

Lily's stomach was in knots, but her heart literally broke when she heard that. So she had been right assuming that the blond or rather Cate was his type. They did have a relationship and by the sound of it a physical one at that. She bit her lip as attempted to keep her tears from falling. The seeds of her greatest fears had taken root and she didn't know if she could handle the outcome.

Her heart began to ache as she thought about what Cate was saying. Cate had assumed he was doing this to get back at her. Lily could see where there was some truth at that. She had treated him poorly in the past. She cringed at the flashback of memories that swamped her over all the different occasions she laid into James and humiliated him. She flushed realizing just how valid Cate's assessment and claim.

She groaned pressing her back against the wall. How could she have been that stupid? Tears of frustration and pain filled her eyes. She knew James could never truly take her seriously. She and him had always been on different wavelengths. He was always the easygoing, comical, and foolish prankster. This would be his greatest prank if he pulled this off pulling the wool over Lily Evan's eyes and making her think that he could ever love her.

"I still don't know, Cate," Cate's friend insisted as they walked past where the two hallways met. Thankfully, they didn't even notice her. "He did turn you down after the game."

"He always does that when he finds another passing distraction. It'll be no different than any of the other times. He'll come crawling back to me when he can't manage to get virgin Lily to spread her legs, you'll see."

"Um, Cate, doesn't that just make you easy?"

"Shut up, Rebecca."

Lily had enough of the conversation as she quickly turned the corner. She gasped when she came face to face with both Mariana and Sirius. Mariana looked surprised to see her and Sirius had a frown on his face in the beginning before surprise took over his features. She flushed realizing like her that they had also heard Cate and Rebecca's conversation.

Mariana glanced at Sirius for a moment. The look in his eyes grew suspicious as he regarded her when the surprise wore off.

"Did you just happen to hear-" he began.

"Oh, wow, look at the time," Lily cut in as she grabbed Mariana's arm tugging her away from the spot. "Mariana, wasn't it time for that walk?"

Mariana's eyebrows shot up. She cleared her throat as she nodded her head. "Um, yes! Yes, it is!" Mariana gasped. "Well, Sirius, it-it was great bumping into you. I think it would be wise if we headed to our own respective paths to hang out with our _friends_."

A moment passed by before Sirius seemed to nod in understanding. "Yes, you're right. I should go figure out where my friends are. Good of you to suggest that Mariana," he rushed out awkwardly. "See you two later."

Lily watched as Sirius broke away not even heading back to the Gryffindore common room. She knew which one of his friends he was going to hang out with. She turned to eye Mariana who flushed at the accusatory glare that Lily was now giving her. Mariana bit her lip as she looked away.

"When are you ever on my side? First with helping James with the damned broomstick-" Lily hissed breaking away from her so-called friend.

"Lily, c'mon! Stop!" Mariana cried out chasing after her. "You seriously can't believe that tramp. That blond just has a stick up her butt, because she can't land James. The only times she managed to weasel her way into his bed was when he was too drunk to figure out which way up from down."

"Well, maybe, he shouldn't bloody get that drunk!" Lily snapped.

"You were that drunk on Friday."

Lily turned around sharply to eye her best friend. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you shouldn't be that hard on him, Lily. Wasn't he also the one that took care of you that night? He could have taken advantage of you, but he didn't." Mariana's words sank into Lily's mind causing her to reconsider what currently circling with her. "I know you and James haven't really seen eye to eye, but I have gotten to know James as well as all of the Marauders. James wouldn't do that to you."

"How would you know?"

Mariana bit her lip before let out a sigh of resignation. "Remember when I lost my mother in Fifth Year?" she asked. Lily nodded knowing how hard that period in Mariana's life had been. "I was having a bad night one night. I had come downstairs to the common room in tears. I was so embarrassed when I realized James was down there, but we had a huge heart-to-heart. Lily, he was the one that I said that I think I met a guardian angel during the night."

She remembered that moment when Mariana began to perk up again and start living again. She hadn't realized that it had been James that helped Mariana through her suffering. She chewed her lip feeling the conflict waging an intense battle within herself. It would explain why Mariana was always quick to defend James. It made sense why she thought so highly of him.

She eyed her best friend warily. "You better not be making this up, Mariana."

"I'm not." Mariana sighed putting an arm around her. "Look, I know you always wondered why I gave him the benefit of the doubt and told you he was a decent guy, because he truly is. He's a rare one, Lily, and he loves you."

"No, he doesn't," Lily argued immediately with a shake of her head.

Mariana chuckled. "You have no idea how much that boy loves you. He talked a lot about you that night. He talked about how much it hurt him that you didn't even give him a chance to show you that he wasn't a bully," she revealed. "I'm not even supposed to be telling you this. He and I promised that the details of that night would never be mentioned."

Lily looked like she wanted to protest. Logic told her to run far away from James, but she was beginning to wonder if it was because it was through illogical reasons. When it came to him, he always elicited an explosively emotional reaction whether be out of anger, annoyance, amusement, or an other responsive shade. Even as a virgin, the thoughts running through Lily's mind surprised her to the point of fear.

She sighed looking at Mariana before crossing her arms. She walked over and leaned against the wall. She shut her eyes as she tried to gather her emotions and thoughts. When she opened her eyes, she looked at her best friend.

"I'm trying to sabotage a good thing, aren't I?" she whispered. When Mariana gave her a smile then a nod, Lily finally let it all out. "He makes me feel things, Mariana, that I'm not ready to put a finger on yet. I-I don't know if I can just let him in without feeling so vulnerable."

"Well, can you afford to lose him if you can't open up to him?" Mariana questioned honestly. "Can you trust him, Lily? I mean take the logical side out of it for once. I want you to give me a straight up answer. What does your gut say?"

"That I can trust him with anything and everything."

The answer caused Lily's eyes to widen in shock at how quick her response was. It was a surprise that it came from her. She blushed when Mariana just smirked at the easy answer that floated off her tongue without a single thought. Lily swallowed hard as she realized what it meant. She was head over heels in love with James Potter and she was in deep trouble.

"What if he doesn't feel the same way?"

"I vote for he does," Mariana said with a wink. "Sweetheart, he's not asking you to marry him. Wait a second, I take that one back. He did say he was going to marry you. I'm saying just see where all this takes you two. Let the haters doubt you, but you and him know the truth behind what's truly there."

Lily nodded at that. "I want to be with him, Mariana, but I don't know how. We haven't even officially gone on a date. We aren't officially a couple either." She chewed her bottom lip. "Technically, he could still get laid by Cate and I wouldn't have say over it."

"Then do something about it."

**. . .**

Lily walked back to the Heads' common room with Mariana by herself. She was certain Sirius and the rest of the Marauders were comforting James. She hadn't been back all day. She and Mariana did go on a long walk talking about her situation and what needed to be done. She realized belatedly that they never got to talking about the situation involving Mariana and Sirius. She reminded herself to bring it up as soon as possible, but right now, she had something to tend to.

When she reached the portrait, Lily felt the chill of fear raising up her spine. She bit her lip glancing at Mariana who gave her an encouraging smile and tipped her head towards it. Lily took a deep breath and whispered the password. The portrait door open and both of the girls walked through into the common room.

The Marauders were indeed there surrounding James. He had his head bowed into his hands as Sirius patted his back. Remus was sitting on the armrest and Peter was nervously pacing in front of the fireplace. When they came in, they all had looked up in their direction.

Lily blushed when all eyes focused on her. James licked his lips nervously as he slowly got to feet his feet. He looked as if he was ready to pounce and stop her if she decided to bolt for the stairs to get her room. Soon all the Marauders got to their feet and she couldn't help but feel a rush of warmth. They all wanted James to be happy and would stand by him. She knew they would be there with him every step of the way even if it was heartbreak that occurred tonight.

She glanced at Mariana.

"Go on," she urged in a whisper pushing her forward.

She started towards James shyly. When he looked straight into her eyes, she felt a rush of confidence and something else she was still trying to put a finger on. All she knew that if she didn't step out from the shadows of her fears that she may very well miss one of the best things in her life. She was not going let him slip between her fingers.

Her decision cemented her strength and determination. She was certain there was this new light within her, because she felt different. James met her in the middle of the common room.

"Lily, Sirius told me what you overheard Cate saying," he began quickly as he started to explain. "Look, I'm not going to lie to you, okay? Yes, Cate and I have slept together. I'm not proud of some of things I've done in the past, but I want you to know that what she said was absolute bollocks."

"Potter-"

"You got to believe me. I would never do that to you. I know I can seem like the most inconsiderate and insensitive bullying toerag-"

Lily shook her head as his explanation continued on. She sighed. _Too much talking not enough doing..._ So she did what she wanted to do to silence him. She cupped his face and bowed his head as she gave him a demanding and passionate kiss devoid of any tenderness and hesitation. She wanted him. She wanted him to know it. She wouldn't tread lightly on this issue. He plowed through all her logic and walls. She was exhausted of running from the truth.

When she released him from her possessive kiss, Lily didn't even notice the shocked expressions on their friends face. Her eyes locked unto his in an unwavering gaze preventing him from looking away.

"James Potter, you have been a nuisance from day one since I've met you," she said. "You've always managed to get under my skin. I hate to admit it, but you're the only one that can rile me up the way that you do. I know we don't always see eye to eye, but I'm okay with that."

"O-Okay," he muttered.

"I want you to listen very closely to me. I'm not one of those girls that will give it up to you like the others," she said referring mildly to Cate and any other girls lurking in the past.

"Lily," he began, but she shook her head and placed a finger over his mouth.

"I'm not done. I'm a lady with standards, Potter. I understand you have a bit of reputation of being a heartthrob and a player. Well, I'm not having that, do you hear me?" she demanded. "I want a real relationship. I'm not going to settle for anything less. It's either all or nothing with me. If you can't handle that then I guess this is where we head in our different directions."

James looked at her then smirked. "Demanding, aren't we?"

"I just know what I want," Lily responded back. "I want you. I've wanted you for a long, long time. It seems like you've tattooed yourself on me and I can't get you off my mind. I'm tired of fighting how I feel. If you want this and you want me then there won't be any issues, will there?"

"No, I guess there won't be," he said clearly amused now. The fear that had lit his eyes had faded.

"Good, because I'm very impatient." Lily eyed him who seemed incredibly relaxed even though she was dealing out all these demands. "Now, you've never taken me to Hogsmeade and if I'm not mistaken we have a trip next week, right?" He nodded to that. "Well, if you really are with me on this, you will ask me to Hogsmead for our first date and afterward, if we haven't killed each other, you will ask me to be your girlfriend."

"That's a good plan, Lily. A real good one," James told her. He sighed then shook his head. "But it doesn't work for me, Sweetheart." Lily tried to withstand the sinking feeling of disappointment that was mounting. She looked away, but he grabbed her arm and forced her to look him straight in the eyes when he placed two fingers along her jawline to anchor her. "Now, I've heard all your demands, Sweetheart. I agree wholeheartedly, but there's just one thing that needs to be changed. I will ask you _first_ to be my girlfriend _then_ depending on the answer, of course, I'll ask you to Hogsmeade. Do you agree with the changes or am I going to have to insist?"

Lily flushed at that. James always left her speechless. She could only nod her agreement as a huge smile crossed his face. She gulped when he stroked her jawline as he gazed down at her.

"Lily," he whispered. "Will you be my girlfriend?"

She nodded with a small smile. "Yes, of course I will."

"Will you go on a date with me to Hogsmeade next weekend?"

"Yes."

James leaned in and placed a tender kiss on Lily's mouth. She melted into his embrace as he wrapped his arms around her body.

"Finally!" Sirius called out causing Lily to realize they had an audience. From where she was in James' arms, she looked over at Sirius. "Good, maybe you two loverbirds can do a double date with me and Mariana. I know Mariana just argued that it would be best that we should just be friends, but I think she's bloody scared to take a chance. I know no risk taking. What kind of Gryffindore are you, love? Maybe, this beautiful display of risk taking and chances changed your mind. What do you think Mariana?"

Lily turned to look over at Mariana who looked shell-shocked as she regarded Sirius cautiously.

"Yes, wouldn't it be fun, Mariana?" Lily asked. "Weren't you just saying something about following your instincts and your heart that you're basically wasting time if you don't take a chance? Y'know, can _you_ afford it?" Mariana glared at her which Lily just smirked at her in return. "Well, shouldn't you do something about it?"

Mariana eyed Lily and Sirius. She opened her mouth then closed it. Sirius just smirked. Lily raised an eyebrow at Mariana daring her to argue.

"Bloody hell, fine. I will go on a date with you, Sirius Black," Mariana gasped glaring at him. "But this is _only_ to prove to you that I'm right that-that we are just friends and better off as just friends."

Lily watched Sirius shrug. "Whatever you say, love," he murmured. "Whatever helps you sleep at night."

Mariana's face scrunched up in a scowl before she groaned. She rolled her eyes as she gave a tense wave at Lily as she strode off and out of the common room. Lily looked up at James who was trying not to laugh.

She looked over at Sirius. "If you hurt her, you know I'm going to have to kill you, Sirius."

"Yes, yes, I know." Sirius sighed as he looked over at James. "Sorry if I stole your thunder."

James chuckled. "It's okay. I got what I wanted."

* * *

**This chapter was inspired by listening to "Madness" by Muse and "Breakdown" by Prospect Hill. ****This is not the end. Just getting started! I hope you're liking this story so far. **


	8. Chapter Seven

THE WAY THE COOKIE CRUMBLES  
Chapter Seven

When everyone left them alone later on that night, Lily, who was wedged up against the armrest of the sofa and James, peered up at James. She blushed when she realized he was staring down at her already. She quickly looked away and she heard him chuckle.

"Lily?"

"Yes, James?"

"This is what you want, right?" he asked softly.

Lily glanced up into his eyes. "Could I have been more obvious, Potter?" she blurted out. Her bluntness surprised her. When James started laughing at her obvious surprise in her own behavior, she groaned shaking her head. "I think you're rubbing off on me too much. Where is my tact?"

"Oh, Sweetheart, it's not so bad," he said. He cupped her cheek and stroked her skin with the pad of his thumb.

When he brought his mouth down on hers, Lily couldn't help but melt into him. All the tension that had been in her body released. The kiss was tender and almost hesitant as if cautiously exploring new terrain. In truth, James was, because Lily knew he never had the freedom or the right to kiss her before. She hadn't been his girlfriend. It must be new for him, because he was actually kissing his girlfriend who happened to be none other than a girl who had publicly claimed that she would never be involved with James ever.

Bollocks, Lily thought to herself as she cursed her brain. She indeed thought to much. It was a kiss – a beautifully sweet one at that. She sighed finally letting her mind turn off and just melt like her body was doing. Then the kiss seemed to deepen and the intensity seemed to flare up drastically as did the heat. She gasped and felt his tongue touch hers. She groaned as she became an active participant in the kiss. She reached up and clutched his shoulder pulling him closer.

Her heart began to beat faster when the kiss became fierce and passionate. Her desires and hormones made want things, need things, and crave things she wasn't quite sure what she wanted. She wasn't certain she was even ready for them. Fear rose up in her and Lily quickly shoved James away. Everything was moving so fast – too fast.

"I'm sorry," she whispered too embarrassed to look at James.

She knew he wasn't new at this. She was though and that was the problem, but before she could attempt to explain herself, James placed a hand over hers.

"Too much too soon?" he guessed.

Lily blushed before nodding her head.

"It's okay."

"I know this may come as a shocker," she told him. "Considering I'm probably the only one left in our year, but I'm-I'm a virgin, James. Those rumors are actually true. I may have come on strong back there and I know my actions during the celebratory party seen contradictory, but-"

She gasped in surprise when James pulled her into a firm but short kiss effectively silencing her. "Look at me, Lily," he instructed, which she did. "I know. I figured as much. And no, I don't think there's anything wrong with that."

"That-That's not going to be a problem?" Lily asked in a small voice.

He chuckled. "Why would that be a problem? Lily, unlike me, you're won't lose it somebody that you won't even remember their name or face the next morning," he said. "You're too smart for that. I actually envy you. I don't really remember my first time. It just happened, y'know?"

"You don't even remember?" she asked in surprise.

He shook his head. A surprising hue of red crossed his cheeks. "Lily, I was drunk. I don't remember much of that night," he admitted. "I do remember seeing you though. You didn't look happy at all. I guess I figured I lost any chance now so I just let go and did what I wanted."

"Oh," she murmured. She thought about all the time that they had missed if she had just given into him and told him how she felt, but she was had been too scared. She sighed as she glanced over at him. "You're going to need to go slow with me, Potter. I hope you're ready for that."

"Born ready, Sweetheart."

"Good, because you never know. I could wait until my wedding day, y'know?"

"I'll wait forever."

Lily flushed at his quick reply. James was being totally honest about it. She could see it in his eyes. She couldn't help but feel the warmth that spread through her. She placed a hand on his cheek and leaned up to give him a quick kiss.

"Not forever," she whispered against his lips. "Just until I'm ready."

"No rush, Sweetheart. Y'know what they say, the longer you wait, the sweeter it'll be."

"Well, Potter, I'm going to hold you to that. You may be eating your words, "Lily told him as she got up off the sofa and looked down at her boyfriend.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

The confusion was etched his face, but Lily couldn't help but smile. She leaned down and kissed him passionately. He groaned as he attempted to behave himself. When she pulled back, she swallowed at how his eyes had darkened with obvious desire. She bit her lip as she took a step back.

"Because of that," she said. "You may be able to keep your hands to yourself, Potter, but I can't say I'll be good."

He got up from the sofa slowly. He took a deep breath as he regarded her. "You're going to be the death of me."

"Possibly. I bet you'll cave before me," Lily bravely wagered.

"Are you sure you want to play this?" he asked gravely. "It's a dangerous game."

"I love games. I also like winning."

"Mm, I also happen to love games. And I also happen to like winning. How about we make a wager then?" he said casually. "Sweetheart, I didn't want it to come to this, mind you. I bet you can't resist me and you'll cave into me begging for me to... deflower you."

She raised an eyebrow. "At least, you didn't say shag. I was going to hex you if you did," she said. "I bet that you won't be able to last that long. I bet you cave and will be on your knees begging me to let you deflower me."

"Fine. What are the terms?"

"None," she said with a shrug. "Honestly, knowing you lost is enough of a prize for me."

He smirked shaking his head. "Fair enough. Same goes with me."

His eyes darkened again as he drew closer. He once again pulled her into a kiss, but this time it was more than gentle and tender. It was filled with a promise of dark desires and needs that had only begun to awaken inside of her. She groaned as he masterfully deepened the kiss as he pulled her flush against him.

When he pulled back, Lily looked up at him dazed. She opened her mouth to say something, but she couldn't seem to form any words.

"Mm, good luck, Lily," he said with a wink as he dropped a quick kiss on her mouth before sweeping around the sofa. "Good night."

Lily watched in shock as James continued to walk upstairs. It was only when she heard his door close to his bedroom that she shook out her trance. She groaned shaking her head. What had she just agreed to? All she knew now was that she was definitely in a lot of trouble.

She frowned suddenly. "Did I just make a bet on losing my virginity?" she asked herself aloud.

**. . .**

The next morning, Lily got up early as usual to get breakfast. She was surprised to see Mariana in the Great Hall already there sitting at the table. When she walked over and sat down next to her, Mariana immediately turned to her. She must've been lost in her thoughts, because she had jumped when her eyes met hers.

"Oh, it's you," she muttered darkly.

Lily chuckled at her response. "Still mad I take it?"

"Way to spin it against me," she gasped exasperatedly. "Your situation is so different from Sirius and mine. It's so not even funny."

"Really? Is that what you think?"

"Sirius doesn't really like me? I mean, yes, he likes me now, because I'm this amusing distraction, but he'll change his tune when he gets bored," Mariana promised. "Mark my words, Lily. By then, the bloody arse will have captured my heart and I will be blaming you for your interference."

"I merely suggested you go on a double date," Lily protested with a smile on her lips.

"Shut it, Lily. You bloody insisted!"

"I think he likes you a lot," Lily told her honestly.

Mariana growled shaking her head. She was about to argue even more when she stopped herself. She took a deep breath and let it out. Lily could tell this entire situation was getting to her best friend. She placed a hand on her arm.

Mariana looked to Lily. "I don't want to get hurt, Lily. Sirius has a reputation of getting hooked quickly only to lose it quickly as well."

"Um, Mariana. So does James."

"James has had a thing for you since first year. He hardly counts," Mariana pointed out. "Yes, he may in his past relationships have been careless, but he has always held a torch for you even when you were... less than classy with him."

Lily chuckled at Mariana's word choice. "Fair enough," she said with a shrug of her shoulders. "What makes you think Sirius doesn't hold a torch for you?"

"Because he's Sirius Black and Sirius Black doesn't do relationships. His words not mine, might I add. When you hang out and fall for a good friend, it's hard not notice all his hang ups, my dear."

"Ah! So you _do_ like him!" Lily cried out.

Mariana blushed as she looked around to see if anyone heard her. When she was certain everyone was back to their own conversations, she glared at Lily. "Quiet you," she gasped. Lily smirked as she noticed the Marauders had come into the Great Hall and Sirius was pretty much now in earshot. "I don't think I want everyone to know I have a thing for Sirius Black."

Lily raised her eyebrows as Sirius stopped short. She grinned pointing him out to Mariana. "Well, speaking of the devil?"

Mariana turned to spot Sirius and groaned. "Devil incarnated."

Sirius bounced up and sat right next to her. Lily tried not to laugh when Mariana rolled her eyes. When James sat next to her, he dropped a kiss on her mouth before he started to arm himself with food.

"Oh, the sweet endearments you bless me with," Sirius said. He put an arm around Mariana.

"Oh, Merlin. I'm going to throw up."

Sirius frowned at that then shrugged. "I tend to have that effect on people." He looked around the table at the others. Remus and Peter had taken the seats on the bench across from them. "Why do I seriously have that effect on people?"

The rest of the Marauders burst out laughing at that as did Lily. Mariana shrugged off his arm from around her shoulders. Lily sighed watching as Mariana pushed her food away from her.

"I come to find that I'm not as hungry as I realized," she said darkly.

"Oh, c'mon," Sirius said glancing at Mariana wide-eyed. "I don't cause that much of negative reaction to you. You act as if I'm repulsive."

Mariana looked at Sirius. "You are repulsive, Sirius."

"Fine, I see how it is. I'm still holding you to that date."

"You are insufferable!" Mariana gasped as she got up from the table effectively gaining people's attention. Lily could tell she was so riled up that she didn't care. She waited for fireworks. "You think I'm just some easy lay, don't you?"

"Well, I wasn't the one that threw themselves at me," he said in a clipped tone. He was attempting not to explode. Lily could tell by how he had to restrain himself by curling his hands into fists. "As I remember, I had all but decided to slight you. You decided to come after me, Mariana, not the other way around."

"It was a damn mistake!" she cried out.

Sirius growled getting to his feet as he got straight into his face. He scowled at her giving her a glare. He opened his mouth ready to fire something back when he took a deep breath and sat back down.

"If it was a mistake, Mariana, why did you come after me in the first place?" he asked simply.

Mariana flushed realizing the change in the atmosphere. "Because I..." she trailed. "Because you... Because I..." She looked over at Lily for help, but she just shrugged her shoulders.

"Because you cared." Sirius's eyes fixed unto hers as he once again glared at her. "If I were you, I'd be very careful on how you approach this conversation, love. It may turn ugly."

"Why can't you just leave this alone?" she whispered desperately.

Lily watched Sirius take another deep breath in then let it out. She watched an unexpected display of emotions cross his face before he turned to face Mariana. There was so much emotion in his eyes that it took both Lily and Mariana's breath away.

"If you can't figure that out, I'm not going to spell it out for you." With that, Sirius got up from the table and looked down at Mariana before glancing at everyone else. "I think I seemed to have lost my appetite too."

Everyone at the table watched Sirius walk back up the aisle and exit the Great Hall leaving everyone in a state of surprise. Lily glanced at James asking with her eyes if Sirius was okay. His response was sigh then a shrug of his shoulders. Mariana continued to stare at the spot Sirius had been before she just groaned.

"Bloody hell," Mariana muttered before she gave a desperate look over at Lily before she took off after Sirius.

Lily looked around the table. James and Remus looked at each other exchanging looks as if they were talking to each other in their minds. Remus broke eye contact and noticed Lily staring at him. He gave her a weak smile.

"I predict they'll get together," he said.

James smirked. "I bet they'll get together at Hogsmeade."

"No, I bet they'll get together during this week," Lily put in her two cents.

"I bet they'll get together at the end of this month, but no sooner than the last week," Remus predicted honestly.

Peter just shrugged not bothering to participate in the bet. Lily, James, and Remus looked into each other's eyes then all of them smirked.

Lily didn't see Mariana in the first class of the day. She did happen to see Mariana slide in before the second class started. It seemed that both Mariana and Sirius managed to make it to the second class. She smirked glancing over at James who gave her a knowing look. Sirius quickly sat next to James and Mariana rushed over to where she was.

When Mariana sat down, she looked over at her. Lily watched Mariana blush as she looked her over. Her hair was slightly messy and she looked like she was glowing. Lily once again gave her the same look James had given her when both Sirius and Mariana had sneaked inside the room.

"I don't want to talk about it," Mariana whispered.

"Talk about what?"

"About what just happened," she said. "Well, not right now. After class maybe."

"Do you want to copy my notes from last class later?"

Lily watched Mariana quickly nod her head as the professor walked in ready to teach. She just smiled when Mariana hurriedly took out her stuff and noticed a reddish tint on Mariana's neck. She stifled a giggle when she realized Sirius had left a token of his affection on her skin.

Mariana frowned at her as did some of the others around them including James and Sirius. Lily put her hand up covering her face leaning forward so her hair swept forward hiding her. Her shoulders still shaking with her laughter.

"What's so funny?" Mariana gasped poking her side.

"You forgot to charm his love bites."

Lily watched Mariana's eyes widened as she immediately placed a hand on her neck knowing exactly the location of the mark was. Lily's eyes slid to where James and Sirius was sitting. James realizing what had happened shook his head and Sirius also realized what happened as well. He just smirked as his eyes darkened possessively. Lily knew then that Sirius had done that on purpose especially when he winked at Mariana when she gave him a glare.

**. . .**

Lily and Mariana were sitting at the table in the Head's Common room when Lily attempted to breath the subject. She cleared her throat drawing Mariana's attention. Mariana stopped the stroke of her quill when she looked up.

"So, Mariana, where were you?"

Mariana gave her a look. "You already know the answer, Evans. Don't sit there twiddling your thumbs playing stupid."

"Fine, fine," Lily chuckled. "It seems that every time you get Sirius mad you just want to get him to stop being upset. Why is that?"

"Well, Doc," Mariana scoffed giving her a pointed look. "I don't know why I feel the urge to chase after Sirius Black when he's upset with me. I get this fear inside of me and I run after him. I don't know why I do. It just happens."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "Well, I know why I chased after James the first time when he got mad at me when I embarrassed him in front of everyone that day in the hallway," she said. "I didn't like seeing the pain and hurt in his eyes. So I wanted to make him feel better. Doesn't that sound familiar?"

"Vaguely."

"You are the most stubborn girl I know," Lily said with a shake of her head. "James claimed I am, but you take the cake."

Mariana shrugged as she went back to copying Lily's notes. Lily decided it was best to keep her mouth shut for right now. Mariana didn't look at all like she wanted to have heart-to-heart about Sirius so Lily dropped it. She knew when the time was right Mariana would come to her when she needed her.


	9. Chapter Eight

THE WAY THE COOKIE CRUMBLES  
Chapter Eight

James threaded his fingers into her hair cupping her skull. She gasped when he yanked her towards him. His other hands forced her chin up as he dipped his head down to capture her lips. His tongue traced the curve of her bottom lip and she groaned. With the slight opening, his tongue swept inside demanding entrance.

She innocently touched her tongue against his. His hand on her face curled beneath her armpit and curled around her back pressing her body against his. She gasped as she felt the lines of his body against hers. She flushed feeling the need to get closer. She didn't know why, but she needed to get so much closer to him.

She tore her mouth away from his as she roughly shoved him back. She smirked as she watched as he stumbled back on the back on his bed. She moved between the v of his legs and she grabbed his shirt pulling him towards her. She then dove her fingers into his hair as she tempted him with a deep kiss.

"Bloody hell, Lily," he rasped as she drew back. She playfully nipped at his lips, but when his fingers toyed with the hem of her shirt, she shook her head. "You're killing me, Sweetheart."

Lily smiled as she clutched at his shirt and pulled it over his head. Her eyes explored the muscular planes of his chest. Quidditch had been good to his physique, she realized impressed. She was not one to care about such things, but she couldn't help but appreciate the lines of his abs and the toned muscle. She traced her fingertips along his skin and reveled on how smooth his skin actually was.

She once again drew closer as she tentatively explored his body. She loved the quick and sharp intakes of breaths when she touched a sensitive spot. She wanted him, but she didn't quite know what that meant either. Her body burned. The heat was overwhelming her. She became fascinated with how his skin felt against hers. Once again, she pulled back and stepped a few steps backwards causing him to protest for a moment. Her eyes locked unto his as her hands smoothed over body and his mouth dropped on slightly as he watched her.

Having teased him enough, she boldly began to lift her shirt up. She let the material drift upwards feeling the cool air hit her heated skin. She bit her lip against the sensation. When she finally pulled the shirt off, she gently tossed it aside. Her eyes focused on James as her hands touched the top of her sweatpants. She slowly untied the bow and felt the instant looseness of material around her hips. She hooked her fingers on the material of sweatpants and watched him as he watched drag them down the length of her legs.

She traced her fingertips up her bare legs as she straightened up. Here she was standing in only her bra and underwear in front of James. The sound of her racing heartbeat thudded in her ears. She licked her lips as she watched his eyes slowly wandered up her body all the way to her eyes.

He got up from the bed and walked over to her. His eyes met hers. She shivered at the dark desire in them. To see the same craving that tortured her reflected in his eyes caused her breath to hitch. She began to shiver as he swept an arm around her and pulled her against him. The skin on skin contact made her dizzy. She wondered if she was breathing.

"So beautiful," he murmured in her ear before he pressed a kiss below her ear.

She gasped at her sensitive skin prickled. She let out a moan and he chuckled as he kissed his way down to a spot on her neck that caused her to tense up at the swirl of blinding pleasure shot through her. She was shaking when he touched his tongue to her skin. She grabbed unto James dragging her nails down his back as he drew her earlobe in his mouth.

He hoisted her up further up his body. She curled her legs around his waist as he supported her against him. As he walked them over to the bed while drawing her in a battle of tongues, she marveled his strength and skill as he carried her on the bed and held her to him until he placed her comfortably on the bed. There was no fumbling. Just smoothness in their movement.

He continued to kiss her senseless. He made quick work removing the rest of her garments. Then his hands and lips were everywhere – exploring every crevice and every inch of skin. Her eyes rolled back as he continued his mindless pursuit of driving to the painful point of the insanity. She began to shake until she squeezed her eyes shut as she tensed arching her back. She cried out as he pushed her forward and she crashed over the edge. She could feel her body just fall apart in his arms.

When she felt herself begin to fall back towards earth, she opened her eyes to look James straight in his eyes.

"Are you certain?" he whispered placing a tender kiss on her lips. "You can say no if you're not ready, Sweetheart."

She swallowed searching his eyes before she nodded her head giving her consent. He gave her another gentle kiss before he drew back. She stayed still staring up at the ceiling as he took off the remainder of his clothes. He once again returned to her. His eyes looked down at her before her reached for his wand. He whispered an incantation and she watched a yellow glow shimmer over their bodies before he placed it back on the nightstand.

He once again looked into her eyes asking her silently again if it was okay. She nodded her head nervously. He gave her another kiss before he looked down between their bodies as he spread her legs apart. She waited for the moment that she knew was coming and then...

* * *

_Beep... Beep... Beep... _Lily groaned at the sound. What in the world was that? She opened her eyes and immediately wanted to scream. It had all been a dream. There was no way it could be a dream. She blinked as she stared up the ceiling of her bedroom. She shook her head. Why in the world was she dreaming about that?

She sat up quickly as confusion flooded her. Why did she feel that plunging disappointment when she realized it wasn't real? She blushed realizing how much she wanted it to be real. Did that make her wanton? Did that make her worse than Cate wanting James?

She bit her lip. She wasn't ready yet for a physical aspect of their relationship. They hadn't even gotten through a week of being together. They didn't even have their first date yet and she was having sexually charged dreams of him. Although, she had to confess, she had secretly daydreamed what it would have been like to be with him. She had fantasies that it was him that was teaching her the ways of lovemaking, but she never would admit that to him.

Nope, not in a million years! Lily shook her head as she hoped out of bed. She had hardly ever needed to set an alarm, because her body usually knew what time to get up. She was actually late to breakfast compared to the usual early bird time she went. She quickly got up and got dressed. She had thankfully showered the night before as she grabbed her belongings and rushed downstairs.

She stopped short when she came face to face with none other the guy hunting her dreams and the rest of the Marauders. All of them looked at her surprised knowing that she usually was up way before this time.

"My, oh my," Sirius teased. "This is a surprise. What do we owe the pleasure of walking you to breakfast?"

She blushed as she looked into James's dark eyes behind his glasses. Flashbacks of that heated dream caused an ache inside of Lily that made her feel out of control. When his eyes narrowed suspiciously, she quickly looked away. If only he knew what she had been thinking about.

"I-I got caught up," she blurted out. She groaned at her choice of words. "I mean I slept with you." She slapped her forehead as the verbal diarrhea that continued to spew out of her mouth. James's eyes widened. "I-I mean I slept in late. Bloody hell, I don't have time to deal with this right now."

Her entire face felt on fire. All of them were looking at her like she had grown four heads. She quickly turned on her heel not even bothering to wait for the Marauders as she marched out of the common room. She wanted to absolutely die of humiliation. Way to go, Lily, she berated herself as she headed into the Great Hall. She spotted Mariana finishing up her food.

She hurried down the aisle. Mariana noticed her.

"Finally!" she said. "I was wondering-"

"I need to talk to you. Right now."

Mariana's eyes widened at Lily's response. Her best friend just nodded her head as Lily grabbed a couple of scones and pieces of buttered toast. She glanced at the entrance of the Great Hall noticing the Marauders had entered. She tugged on her best friend's arm as she tried to get her up.

"I can't talk to you about her," Lily whispered. "It's really embarrassing."

"Oh, okay."

Mariana got up. Both of them were rushing out of the Great Hall passing the Great Hall. James frowned at Lily when she just blushed and grabbed Mariana's arm ushering her out of the hallway. She heard Sirius ask James what that had been all about, but she didn't have time to care if her boyfriend thought she was crazy.

When they were a little bit away, Mariana jerked her arm away from Lily's grasp. She began to rub her arm.

"Wow, Lily, what's up with you?" she asked.

Lily blushed as she looked at her best friend. She had always shared everything with Mariana. She bit her lip. How was she going to breach this subject without dissolving into a humiliated puddle of mush? She groaned shaking her head as she walked over across the hallway and leaned her head against the wall.

"That bad, huh?"

Lily took a deep breath turning to Mariana. "When you were a virgin, did you ever dream about... not being one?"

"Well, I..." Mariana trailed off. Her entire face lit up. "Oh, Merlin! You had a sexy dream of James, didn't you?"

Lily groaned feeling her entire face heat up again. She eyed her best friend before nodding her head. Mariana chuckled patting her shoulder. In turn, Lily just glared at her realizing she was having too much entertainment at her expense.

"Y'know, this isn't funny!"

"Oh, yes, dear Lily, it's hilarious. Was he any good in your dream?"

Lily just gave Mariana a look but remained silent.

"Oh, c'mon!" Mariana giggled. "He had to be good. From the rumor mill circling around this lovely castle, he's pretty damn good at it."

"I-I didn't want to know that, Mariana."

"I would if I was dating the guy," Mariana told her with a shrug.

"You're not helping."

"Well, wouldn't you want to know if he was good at, well, y'know?"

Lily shook her head glaring at Mariana. Mariana continued to stare at her wide-eyed not getting what the problem was. Lily groaned while she knocked her head against the wall. Mariana quickly grabbed Lily's shoulder and pushed her around to stop her from doing it.

"Seriously, Lil," Mariana told her. "I'd think it's a good thing James is good at it. It sucks when you get a guy that doesn't know what the bloody hell he's doing. It's a pathetic mess when that happens."

"Mariana, I'm a virgin. I don't know what that like," she remained her grimly. Mariana opened her mouth to say something, but she obviously better of it and closed her mouth.

Mariana leaned her back against the wall joining Lily as people began to walk the same hallway. Lily looked down at her feet and noticed Mariana tapping her foot.

"Lil, seriously though, I would think it would be a really good thing that James is good at what he does seeing that you're a virgin. He'll know what to do when he, um, err, well, de-virginizes you?"

"Nicely put," Lily moaned as she placed her hands over her face. "I'm not even close to being ready to do _that_. But I don't want to suck at it either, Mariana. What if I do suck at it? He's going to be good at it and I'll suck."

"Well, honey, not to sound mean, but you're a virgin. You _are_ going to suck at it."

"Gee, Mariana, you make me feel so much better."

"Don't worry. Y'know what they say, practice makes perfect," she told her wagging her eyebrows at her. "And that's where all the fun is."

"You're absolutely no bloody help at all, y'know that?"

"I know, I know. But you still love me." There was a pause as Mariana waited for a beat. "So you didn't tell me, was he any good in your dream?"

Lily blushed as she swatted at Mariana. Mariana just grinned back at her as both of the girls started walking to their first class. Lily had to rush to eat the food she had grabbed at the Great Hall before she rushed out with Mariana. When they got to their first class of the day, both she and Mariana took their usual seats.

When James and the rest of the Marauders walked in, Lily blushed when James looked directly in her eyes silently asking if she was alright. She gave him a weak smile before bowing her head and looking away. Mariana smirked as she patted her back.

"That good, huh?"

Lily eyed Mariana miserably before nodding her head.

* * *

"Are you ready for our first date?" James asked as they patrolled the hallways.

Lily turned to look at her boyfriend. Even though she had managed to put a damper on her desires, she still felt a little breathless when she looked at him. This did not bode well for her. Although, they had a bet going on about her virginity, it wasn't that was brought up. If she actually confessed to James that she indeed had a very vivid dream about him, she was certain he would never let her live it down.

He wouldn't put pressure on her. She was very impressed at how well in control of himself when it came to her. She had heard from other girls how they had been pressured to have sex early on in a relationship. She was pleasantly surprised that even though James had a reputation of being a Sex God that he was above else a gentleman.

"I heard it was going to rain," she muttered offhandedly. "Everyone is excited, because it's the first one."

He nodded as he eyed her closely. She cursed herself, because there had been a slight shift in their dynamic. She knew she acting strangely to him, but she couldn't help it. They continued walking doing their rounds amazing not coming in contact with anyone out of bed.

When they passed an empty classroom, he grabbed her arm and tugged her in. Lily gasped when he shut the door behind him. She swallowed hard looking at James cautiously.

"Okay, what's up?" James asked. "You've began acting really weird the last few days. Did I do something wrong?"

Lily shook her head quickly.

He sighed at her quick response. "You would tell me if I did something stupid, right?"

"Potter, you do realize who you're talking to, right?"

"Just making certain," he said with a shrug. He walked around her to sit on the edge of the professor's desk. "So tell me, what's going on? Why have been acting so... jumpy for lack of a better word lately?"

She worried her bottom lip as she looked at James. Would he think she was so innocent and naïve? Would he laugh at her? These types of matters she wasn't ready to bring up just. She sighed when she recognized true concern reflecting in his eyes. He only wanted to know the truth.

If they were going to be in a relationship, Lily needed to communicate even if it was embarrassing. She walked over and leaned against the table across from the desk. She looked into his eyes before she took the plunge.

"I-I dreamed about you."

"Um, okay?" James said confused which only caused Lily to blush.

"No, James. I dreamed about you."

James frowned as a speculative look crossed his face. He crossed his arms while he continued to look at her. "What do you mean about-"

"Like y'know," she gasped. "We were, y'know. Well, I mean we were about to before-before-"

"Oh! That type of dream!" James responded looking wide-eyed at her. A small smile appeared on his lips, but he quickly smoothed his mouth out to a serious line. "It's normal, Lily, to y'know feel that way."

"I-I know that. It's just I'm not used to feeling like this."

"Feeling like what, Sweetheart?"

"You make me want things, y'know, desire things I've never, well, wanted," she muttered embarrassed. She looked away. She was glad it was dark in the classroom, because she was certain she was blushing. "I don't know how to handle it. It-It scares me."

James sighed as he pushed himself off the desk. He walked straight up to Lily and looked down at her.

"You don't have to be scared of me, Lily. I'm not going to let anything bad happen – not if I can help it."

"I'm not scared of necessarily that," she said as she bowed her head looking at her feet. "It scares me, because of how badly I wanted it. How much I want you sometimes. We haven't even been dating long, y'know? Would you even respect me?"

"Lily, of course I respect you." He sighed as he touched her arm. She dared to look up into his eyes. "Sweetheart, I get it. I'm glad you're attracted to me. I'm attracted to you. We'll take it slow. I promise we won't do anything you'll regret later on, okay? We'll take our time."

"You promise?"

"Yes, I know we made a bet about your virginity. I'm still holding you to it, because I never back down from a bet," he told her honestly. "However, I'm not going to let you regret your first time. Lily, I want this to work out between us. I'm not here to deflower you or whatever. I'm here, because I want to be here."

Lily's heart warmed at that. A smile touched the corners of her mouth. She almost felt like crying for joy, but she managed to keep herself under control. She stepped into his arms and adored the warmth of his embrace when he wrapped his arms around her. He dropped a kiss on top of his head.

"So can we go back to part where it wasn't so awkward now?" he teased.

Lily chuckled nodding her head. She pulled away from him and he checked her eyes to make certain they were on the right page. He nodded his head at the confirmation she was certain was shining in her eyes. He smiled in return as he grabbed her hand and he walked her to the door of the classroom. He opened the door and they continued to walk the rest of their rounds hand in hand.

"So, James," Lily said as a sudden thought came to her mind. "I hear you're pretty good at it."

"At what?"

"Y'know, _it_."

"Oh, bloody hell," James said shaking his head. "Nevermind. I take it back. Let's go back to being awkward."

"Too late," Lily said smiling_._

James sighed rolling his eyes. He looked down at Lily. Lily just continued to smile when he tugged her towards him and gave her a quick kiss before they finished up their rounds for the night.


	10. Chapter Nine

**First, I'd like to gives thanks for the reviews before I forget. I appreciate them and your feedback! This chapter was inspired by two songs - "Heart Attack" by Demi Lovato and "Too Close" by Alex Clare. **

* * *

THE WAY THE COOKIE CRUMBLES  
Chapter Nine

"Bloody hell!"

Lily jumped when she heard Mariana's shout. She raised her eyebrows and opened her mouth to ask if she was okay when there was a crash from behind her bathroom door. She winced at that then heard a curse. She once again tried to ask if she was alright when Mariana flung open the door. She jerked back slightly at the abruptness of Mariana's actions.

"I'm not going!" Mariana cried out shaking her head.

"Um, Mariana?" Lily said glancing over her best friend's appearance. Mariana was all dolled up and almost unrecognizable. "You look-"

"Absolutely bloody horrible."

Lily's eyes widened at that response. Mariana looked absolutely beautiful standing in the open doorway of her bathroom. She was dressed in a pair of dark blue jeans that shoved off her curves. She had a lavender flowing top on with billowing transparent sleeves. The stitch work of black pearls sewed just below her bust to accent her tinniest part of her waist. She had the perfect hourglass shape beneath those robes of hers apparently the promised full bust and hip ratio.

Mariana's usual straight dark locks were styled in beautiful waves of curls that cascaded down her back. Lily wasn't a fan of make-up, but Mariana's had used some to accentuate the exotic shape of her teal eyes that seemed to now just pop against her pale skin. A dark shade of lip gloss was smoothed over her lips.

"You're joking with me, right?" Lily questioned chuckling. She gestured to Mariana. "You look awesome."

"I look stupid, Lily," Mariana argued furiously. "I mean look at you. You can just wear that and look beautiful."

"I highly doubt that I look beautiful. I pale in comparison to what you're flaunting," Lily said then smirked. "Someone wants to look pretty for someone special."

Mariana just scowled before opening her mouth to snap out a retort, but she instead just shook her head and went back into the bathroom. She eyed her reflection nervously before she turned back to face Lily.

"You don't think it's too much?" Mariana asked.

"I think if you wanted him to stop chasing you, I'd change into something else and quick. It's about to head into Hogsmeade."

"Well, I just don't want him to y'know ditch me in the middle of the date to go after something shinier," Mariana muttered lamely. Lily crossed her arms and gave her a look of disbelief. "What? Sirius gets distracted easily."

"I'm certain you'll capture his attention just fine. C'mon! Time to go."

"Fine, fine. Don't get your bloody knickers in a twister."

Lily rolled her eyes at that as she grabbed a light jacket in case it got cold. Halloween hadn't even passed yet and the weather had been particularly nippy. She quickly headed downstairs smiling when she saw both James and Sirius were in the common room waiting for them. James noticed her and returned her smile. Sirius turned around from his seat on the sofa to look at them. Sirius offered her a smile then his eyes widened in fact both Sirius and James reacted the same way catching sight of Mariana.

Lily smirked as she looked up the staircase to see Mariana walk down apprehensively. When Mariana reached the bottom step, she glanced at the guys then to Lily.

"Hi, we good to go?"

"Y-Yes," James stammered shaking his head as if he was shaking himself out of a trance. "We need to get down there, Lily. We need to walk the young ones into Hogsmeade."

"Oh, yes, definitely," Lily said nodding her head. She eyed Sirius then Mariana. "Meet up with us at Three Broomsticks?"

"Sure," Sirius managed to get out as he continued to gawk at Mariana.

To Lily's amusement, she turned to Mariana and grabbed her arm. She leaned close to whisper in her ear. "See, I told you. Who is he really going to distracted by? You're shiny enough."

"Three Broomsticks, got it, Evans?" Mariana reminded sharply as she glared at Lily.

Lily just gave her a smile before she looked at James who gestured her to follow him out. She hurried after him meeting him at the entrance of the common room. She risked a look back over her shoulder and watched as Sirius and Mariana awkwardly engage in conversation. She couldn't help but chuckle at their behavior.

"Let the games begin," James muttered leaning against the open door of the portrait also watching the scene between Sirius and Mariana play out.

Lily couldn't help but agree with his assessment as she stole another glance at their friends before she and James realized they had somewhere to be. They quickly left Sirius and Mariana.

* * *

The first years and second years were a handful, but Lily and James managed to get them into Hogsmeade safe and sound. They instructed the first years to stay behind after they told the second years the meeting place if they wanted to walk back together and what time. Lily recommended the buddy system and to keep safe to the first years. However, it was after her safety speech that caused her to fall even more for James if she hadn't already been falling. James passed around these charmed buttons and swiftly launched into an explanation that they would be around Hogsmeade. If they had any questions, needed any help, or if they were in danger to press their thumb on the surface of the button and think up a brief message. He held up two mirrors saying he had charmed it with the buttons to alert him and Lily who it was, the message they were thinking, and where they were located.

When they dismissed the first years, James turned to Lily who staring at him speechless. He arched an eyebrow at her expression. She shook her head and offered a small smile.

"Wow, Potter, I never knew you had it in you," she whispered as she gestured to the mirror. "See, when you use that mind of yours for the good of others, you're absolutely are amazing. That's a bloody fantastic idea!" She watched him blush at the praise. "You did this all by yourself, didn't you?"

He nodded. "I was going to tell you, but I wasn't sure if it would work out the way I planned it," he told her. "It's not that big of a deal, Lily."

"Wow, for someone who basks in attention, you're shying away from it," Lily chuckled placing a hand on his shoulder. "This whole side of you is pretty new. A huge turn-on actually. I'm surprised you didn't this to get my attention in the first place."

"Would you even have taken it seriously?"

"No, probably not," she admitted then sighed. "There's a lot about you I underestimated."

"Well, I was being a prat in my earlier years, Lily."

"You really are full of surprises today."

"C'mon, Lily," James gasped blushing fiercely. "Three Broomsticks."

Lily nodded her head as James grabbed her hand and pulled her through Hogsmeade toward Three Broomsticks. When they walked in, they noticed Sirius and Mariana sitting at a booth immersed in a serious conversation. Sirius saw them and waved. Both of them walked over to the table wondering if they had interrupted something. They themselves plunked down in the open seats.

When Lily eyed Mariana asking her silently if she was okay, Mariana gave her a smile. James was in the middle of ordering his drink when a commotion began to break outside. There were screams and from what they could see out the window people were running. Lily gasped when she felt the mirror James had charmed and given to her began to vibrate in her pocket. James jumped slightly as well and they both pulled out their mirror. Their eyes widened in surprise as the mirror began citing locations of individuals. The messages weren't even full sentences but phrases. One thing that threaded in all of them was the aura of fear.

Someone came rushing into Three Broomsticks. The man's face had gone pale. He had stumbled in with his arms full of bags. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Finally, he forced it out and it brought a shocked silence.

"Death Eaters."

Then the entire place was in an uproar. People began to take cover. People trying to figure out what to do and where to go. Sirius and James exchanged solemn looks. Lily glanced at Mariana who looked panicked at the prospect of death eaters. She was too. She had heard that they were a cruel and ruthless group that targeted "impurities" in the wizarding community. She swallowed knowing out of them – she would be a target. All three of them except for her were bred from pureblood families.

She felt a hand wrap around hers. She looked up noticing James who gave her a tense smile.

"It's going to be okay," he told her firmly staring directly into her eyes. "Evans, listen to me. There are a bunch of first years out there that need us. We need to get everyone back to the castle safely. You need to stay strong and keep yourself together." He got to his feet and she followed too. "Both you and Mariana need to spread the word to head back. Round up the first years, okay?"

"What're you going to do?" she gasped grabbing his arm as he began to break away from her.

James once again exchanged looks with Sirius who was getting to his feet as well. Mariana looked up at all three of them nervously. Lily watched as James looked down at her.

"Protect the innocent."

"James, it's not time to be brave!"

Sirius sighed rubbing the back of his head. "Lily, it's not about being brave," he said honestly. "It's doing what is right. James is right. There are plenty of kiddies out there right now that are scared. They need our help. They look up to us. We need to set the example, Lily. They'll be looking to us for help."

Lily looked to James who refused to look in her eyes. She grabbed his face and forced him to face her. "No bloody heroics, do you hear me, Potter? Don't do anything bloody stupid!"

James smirked. "Be careful, you hear me?" he whispered softly before giving her a rushed chaste kiss on the mouth. "Remember, round up the first years."

He headed for the front door. Sirius was about to follow when Mariana grabbed his arm. He frowned looking down at the girl. He smirked.

"Sorry, love. It seems we won't be having a proper date."

"Sirius, you were never proper." Mariana just shrugged then sighed. She reached up grabbing his head as she gave him a passionate kiss. Sirius looked down at her in surprise. "I'm falling for you, Sirius Black. You better not get yourself killed out there."

Sirius gave her a quick kiss before rushing after James towards the door. When James and Sirius got to the door, they both turned back to Lily and Mariana looking at them before they disappeared outside. Lily swallowed feeling the panic and paranoia began to rise within her.

"Lily? Lily!" Mariana shouted at her. Lily turned to her numbly. "What do we do now?"

Lily forced her brain to work. She remembered the mirror and thought out a message to broadcast to all the First Years. She charmed it project a holographic map to pop out of the message. She told them to come to her blinking dot. She turned to Mariana feeling her adrenaline kicking into high gear.

"C'mon, we need to go," she said grabbing Mariana's arm.

The two of them rushed outside bracing themselves whatever may or may not happen. Lily just hoped that at the end of this all that it wouldn't be the last time she saw any of them. She gasped when she was almost knocked over by the flood of people attempting to escape. Mariana yanked her out of the way and they both found themselves squished up against the wall. Lily watched in horror as she looked up the street to see sparks coming from wands flying all over the place. She groaned she didn't want to think about what could be happening.

"Lily!" a bunch of first years began to group around her.

Lily blinked at them not certain if she had it in her to deal with this. All she wanted to do was duck and run for cover just as everyone else was doing. She looked over at Mariana who had squeezed her eyes shut no doubt attempting to calm herself. She looked down at the small faces in front of her who were looking up at her frantically.

_Protect the innocent... _His words washed over her. James was counting on her to lead them to safety. Lily nodded her head. That's what she would do. She looked around and she forced the calmness to overtake her.

"Okay, all of you!" she called out to them. "Follow us! Don't look back! Just keep walking!"

Lily pushed Mariana as they headed in the opposite direction. They couldn't take the other way they had come. The fight was in that direction. The best thing they could do was keep going until help came to fight against the Death Eaters. She had to believe that the further they were away, the better off they were. The little ones followed her dutifully as they made their way throughout the frantic crowd.

When she felt they were clear out of the way, she directed all of them to remain alert. She paced back and forth in front of the first years. Abruptly, Mariana gasped as she began to jump and down.

"Oh! Oh! I have an awesome idea!" she gasped.

Lily frowned at her. "Okay?"

"I've been working on a cloaking enchantment. I've been getting pretty good," Mariana told her. "You're amazing at it. We could combine our efforts and we could cloak them all."

Lily's eyes widened then nodded her head enthusiastically. Both of the girls stood in front of the crowd of first years. She lifted her hands up to tell them what they were going to do. She told them they needed to be quiet when they cloaked them. The first years nodded.

Lily looked at Mariana as they took out their wands. They began to focus on the incantation and their wand movements. They watched as the First Years began to disappear. When they were all invisible, she looked at Mariana surprised they managed it. She frowned when she began to feel vibrations in her pocket. Her heart lurched as what she read. There was a few First Years trapped in one of the stores a block away from the fight.

She looked at Mariana. She couldn't ask her to come with her to save them. Besides, somebody needed to stay with the other First Years. So much for telling James not to do anything heroic or stupid. She sighed as she embraced Mariana quickly.

"In case, I don't come back," she whispered softly. Mariana tensed at that.

"Wait! What?"

"Somebody needs to stay here to watch over them until the Aurors come."

"Lily?"

"There are a few First Years trapped in a store near by the fight."

Mariana began to shake her. "No! Lily!" she cried out. "You told James no bloody heroics!"

"I know, Mariana. I know, but I can't just let them be sitting ducks there, okay?"

Lily put on a cloaking enchantment on herself and vanished before her best friend's eyes. Mariana looked panicked and absolutely furious. Lily took off back down the street hearing Mariana call out her name. It was easier to navigate the street, because everyone had already attempted to escape. It almost felt like a ghost town. She was approaching the fight and gasped.

Bodies were littered the streets. Dark clouds streaked up into the air the circled back down to the ground. Sparks were flying from wands. There were shouts and shuffling of feet. It was chaos. Thick blankets of smoke made it harder to see.

She almost screamed when a body went flying in her direction. She watched the body slam against the wall then crumpled lifelessly on the ground. Her heart constricted as she took a closer look at the body realizing whoever was dead. She looked ahead and noticed a figure in black in a metallic mask come out from the smoke. She held her breath as the figure pointed at the body then deciding that whoever was indeed dead turned back around.

Lily watched the figure rejoin the fight. She nearly stumbled when she saw James and Sirius holding their own against the Death Eaters. She watched them for a moment wondering how in the world they had acquired that type of skill to battle Death Eaters. They knew spells they didn't teach them at Hogwarts. A vague memory of little James boastfully telling others that both his parents were Aurors popped in her mind.

She shook out of her trance as she heard screams of young ones. She looked to her side watching as two Death Eaters drag out those missing First Years. Their faces were streaked with dirt and tears. Their clothes were scuffed with dirt and mussed as if they had been roughed up a bit.

Anger flared up inside of Lily that seemed to make all of her fears disperse. She watched as the Death Eaters literally threw them in front of them. Both James and Sirius looked on the scene wide-eyed before the same fury that pumped through Lily's blood reflected in their eyes.

"Look, what we have here!" a female voice cackled. "It seems as we have some Gryffindore brats to toy with!"

"Leave them alone!" Sirius shouted.

"Or what?" a masculine voice behind a mask taunted.

"Are you going to come to their rescue?" the female questioned. She pointed her wand at one of the young ones. "Want to see how I play? Crucio!"

Lily watched in horror as the spell hit one of the First Years. Her heart literally stopped as the boy twisted in pain and his little body arched off the ground. Both James and Sirius fired off a spell which the other Death Eater blocked as the female kept the boy under the forbidden curse.

Something was building up in her. The shock began to wear off. James and Sirius may have had help perfecting their skills, but she had read up a few things. She knew wandless magic and she had been practicing skills that most people in her year didn't know how to do. Call her an overachiever, she just wanted to be prepared.

She sent a spell right at the woman and watched her with sick satisfaction as she flipped up in the air causing her to smack against the wall with a loud bang. The other Death Eater turned around facing her. Lily realized belatedly she had blown her cover and she was now seen. With the energy to perform some spells, it required her to weaken others. She didn't have the energy to remain cloaked.

Both James and Sirius stared at her in both shock that transformed into horror. The Death Eater began to approach her with malicious intent.

"Who do you think you are?!" he roared. "Do you think you can get away with that? Coming to the aid of these pathetic kids? Bad idea, little girl. Very bad idea!"

"Leave her alone!" Jame yelled.

The man looked back at James then at Lily. "Oh! I get it! You care for this little girl!" he laughed harshly. "It's a shame. She's quite the looker! It's a shame that she's going to die today!"

The fear that flashed on James's face caused Lily to realize how serious this was. Not that she didn't know how serious these circumstance were, but she liked when people underestimated her. James didn't know she had skills of her own and she dabbled on her own as well.

The man put up his hand causing both James and Sirius to freeze them. Lily felt a wave of fear knowing they wouldn't be able to help her if things got bad.

"Are you a virgin, little girl?" the disgusting man asked as he began to circle her like she was prey and he was the hunter. "If you want, I can show you exactly how a man gives it to a woman. I can make you into a woman. That little boy over here wouldn't compare to me."

He drew closer until he was right behind her. He grabbed her hips and pressed himself against her. She gasped feeling _him_. The man was even more disgusting than she realized the fact he was turned on by the prospect of raping a girl. Lily turned around and shoved him away.

The man just snarled as he grabbed her arm forcing her to him. His tongue licked up her cheek. Lily attempted to struggle against him, but he was physically stronger than her. His hands groped her body roughly. He shoved her backwards against the wall. Oh bloody hell, she thought to herself. He was actually going to rape her. She looked to the side to see the little ones staring at her. She looked at James and Sirius.

When the man grabbed her hair and roughly forced her around by her hair until she was facing the wall. He shoved her against the wall feeling down the length of her body with his dirty hands. She let him tug at her from behind as he reached around and grabbed at the fastener of her jeans. She held her breath as she visualized his wand and the spell she had in mind.

She heard the man shout out in surprise and she knew it had worked. She looked over her shoulder watching the man look after his wand shooting across the street. She took no time in taking advantage of his distraction as she forced herself back around to face the man in the damn mask.

"Did you really think I'm that easy?" she hissed as she kneed him in between the v of his legs. The man keeled over in obvious pain. "You despicable, crude, arrogant, loathsome excuse of wizard! Do you really get off on raping women?"

She blasted him backwards with wandless magic and watched as he too smacked against the wall. It must have done some damage, because both James and Sirius was freed from the man's spell. They both fell to the ground in exhaustion. James looked up from the ground at Lily. Sirius did as well. They both looked at each other.

She looked at the First Years.

"C'mon," she said urging the First Years over. They were quick to rush over. "I want you to run until you can't anymore down this street, do you hear me?"

The First Years nodded and took off down the street. Lily looked to the First Year who had endured the dark curse was still curled up in a ball crying on the ground. She watched as Aurors began to pop up everywhere. She felt numb when the Aurors asked how all of them were. One of them took the First Year to have him checked out.

She looked to James. His eyes looked down at her with those haunted eyes of his. She frowned not knowing how to take the look in his eyes. She walked up to him with him still focusing those pained eyes. He shook his head as he stepped away.

"I-I can't," he whispered. "This isn't going to work, Lily."

She stopped frozen. Her eyes widened at that. What did he mean that? She looked over at Sirius who didn't look at all surprised about James's actions. Instead, he patted James's shoulder then drew Lily into a huge bear hug.

"You have no idea how much you scared the life out of me," Sirius whispered in her ear. "I can't imagine how James is feeling."

Before she could respond to that, Sirius let her go and walked off to give them some privacy.

"Excuse me?" Lily asked James.

"You heard me, Lily. I-I can't just... You have no idea how... and I couldn't do a bloody thing to save you. Do you know what that feels like?" James shook his head as he continued to look into her eyes. "You could've got raped and I couldn't have stopped it. I would've watched you just-"

"Don't you think I get it?" she gasped. "I watched you walk out of Three Broomsticks, James? Do you think I don't get how it feels? I didn't know if I'd ever see you again?"

"Lily-"

"No, you think it was hard for you! Did you think it was any easier for me to just let you go and do your thing?"

"Lily, you blood hell almost got raped! He threatened to kill you! Does that ring a bloody bell in your head of yours?" James shuddered at the memory. He shook his head again. "No, I can't do this," he said firmly. "If I can't be there to protect you and today it shows that I can't always be there, it's best for you to be out of harm's way then. I'm planning to be an Auror, Lily. Do you know what that means? I will most likely deal with this every day? Do you really think that's even fair to you to ask that of you to feel that fear every time I leave for a mission?"

Lily went quiet for a moment. She bowed her head. Tears filled her eyes as she felt her entire world fell apart. She sniffled as she attempted to keep her tears at bay. She looked up at him and looked him directly into the eyes.

"I get it, James. You want to protect me. Keep me safe, right?" she whispered. She grabbed his arm forcing him down and closer to her. "Well, I have some news for you. Like you, I'm planning to become an Auror. I will be placing myself in harm's way all the time just like you. So maybe, you're right. It is better this way since both of us will be going on missions and will most likely be away from each other all the time-"

"No, Lily," James said grasping her arms in both of his hands. "You're not going to become an Auror. You're going to live a long life. I'm not breaking up with you, because I want, Lily. I'm breaking up with you, because I don't want you to get killed."

"You have no right to tell me what I can and can't do!" Lily broke away from him furiously. "Well, James, it seems that you really don't have a say in that matter. I am going to be joining the fight whether you like it or not. There's one thing that irks me about this entire situation. I'm willing to watch you to walk off into Merlin knows what, but you can't offer me the same respect?"

"It has nothing to do with bloody respect!" James shouted.

"Really? I think it does! You really are that bloody arrogant, aren't you? You think you're better than me and that I'll fail. I think I did pretty well back there! James Potter, you are nothing more than-"

He kissed her to silence her Lily presumed. She didn't care she shoved him away shaking her head.

"No," she rasped. "No, you don't get that right anymore."

"Lily, I'm doing this for you own good."

"No, James. You're not. You're doing this, because you're afraid of losing me just as I'm afraid of losing you. Well, I'd rather die knowing that I fought for the one thing that means the most – that love and goodness prevails over evil intentions and evil doings."

"Lily-"

"I'm sick of this conversation. We can go in circles all day, but one things remains the same. You, James Potter, are a hypocrite! You say you'd lay yourself down on the line for love, for the triumph over evil, and for all things good yet you shy away from just that. What exactly are you fighting for when you refuse to partake in that you fight for so dearly? So, yes, James, you are a bloody hypocrite and _I_ don't associate with hypocrites!"

Hurt and enraged, Lily shoved him away. She watched him stumble backwards. He didn't even attempt to deny it. He didn't even reach out for her, fight for her... No, he just let her walk away. Lily kept walking further away from James and she knew deep down inside he wasn't going to be chasing after this time. Apparently, James Potter was officially done chasing after her. She eyed Sirius who was a little bit away who gave her a weak smile. She saw pity reflecting in them. No! She didn't want any pity.

Lily didn't even bother acknowledging Sirius. She just stormed away. If James didn't want her in his life anymore so be it, but she wasn't going to sulk around waiting for him to realize he was an idiot. She kept walking down the street where she knew her best friend was with the rest of the First Years. When she knew she was out of view from James and Sirius, she broke down into tears.

* * *

**Love it? Hate it? Feedback is always appreciated. I apologize for the sporadic lengths between posting. I'm also working on my original work as well while keeping up with this fanfiction story. **


	11. Chapter Ten

**INSPIRED BY THE FOLLOWING SONGS: Blind by Lifehouse, Fix A Heart by Demi Lovato, Shadowboxer by Fiona Apple, and Droplets by Colbie Caillat and Jason Reeves**

* * *

THE WAY THE COOKIE CRUMBLES  
Chapter Ten

When Lily told Mariana that James and her broke up, Mariana had immediately eased up on her anger when Lily showed back up to inform her that the Aurors had indeed arrived. They didn't have enough time to discuss what had happened. They had the First Years to tend to and bring back to the castle.

Lily was certain that when they all arrived back at the castle that there would be so much to do. To be honest, she was looking forward to just keeping busy. She didn't want to stop and think about what just had happened. How did everything go wrong so fast? She sighed as both she and Mariana walked with the First Years throughout Hogsmeade to take the trail back to the castle. When she had finally made it back to the Head's common room with Mariana by her side, they walked into a familiar scene with the Marauders comforting James.

James looked up at her. This time though, he didn't get up and wasn't quick to explain anything. No, there would be no fighting for her this time. He just turned his head and looked at the fire dancing in the fireplace as it crackled merrily. Both Lily and Mariana made it up to Lily's bedroom where she promptly burst into tears again. She jumped unto her bed and curled herself around her pillow.

She felt the bed sink and she knew Mariana was sitting on the side of her bed. Her best friend rubbed her back as she continued to cry into her pillow. She couldn't believe it was over. It began before it truly started and her heart was breaking. How can her heart be breaking this badly over a relationship that hardly lasted a week? She shook her head as her sobs racked her body.

"It's okay, Lil. Just get it out," Mariana soothed.

Once she felt drained off life and tears, she rolled over and looked at Mariana. It had probably been hours and Mariana had stayed by her side. Mariana glanced down at Lily as well.

"It's been a long day," Lily whispered. "I really don't want to talk about. Not right now. It hurts too much."

"That's fine."

"It's late though. You can stay here tonight if you'd like."

"Sure."

Mariana settled down next to Lily on the bed. They curled up on their sides facing each other. They kept staring into each other's eyes not saying a word, but there was so much to say. There was so much of that day that needed to be confessed, but it would have to wait.

Sleep weighed upon both them. Lily blinked struggling to stay awake.

"Mariana?"

Mariana opened her eyes to look at Lily.

"I really did love him," she whispered brokenheartedly. "I wish I had the chance to tell him that."

"I know, Lil. I know."

A few tears escaped as Lily shut her eyes and gave in against the heaviness of sleep. The exhaustion eclipsing her mind causing her body to take over with the necessity of rest and recovery.

The next morning, Lily didn't even get out of bed. Mariana had to sneak up a plate of food for her. She had barely spoken all day when she finally had enough of wallowing in her tears and pain. She sat up in the bed looking her best friend in the eyes. She bit her lip almost regretting the question she knew she was going to ask.

"Did you see James today?"

"Yes." Mariana nodded her head. "He looked terrible, Lily. He's taking it pretty badly."

"Good. I hope it hurts."

"Okay, seriously? What happened?"

Lily sighed as she quickly filled her in on what happened after she left to find those three First Years. She told her everything from the attack on the First Years to the man mauling her with his intent to rape and kill her. She ended her story in tears. Mariana had stayed silent the entire time.

"Wow," Mariana whispered. She shook her head. "That's a lot to digest, honey. The guy probably is overwhelmed with everything that happened. I mean look at it through his eyes. His girlfriend almost got raped and killed right before him and there was absolutely no way he could save her."

"I get that, Mariana."

"But I also see where you're coming from," Mariana told her. "You can't chicken out on life and let fear rule you. That's not right."

"Exactly!"

"I don't think he'll last, y'know? He has loved you for so long and was waiting forever to be with you. He'll wise up."

"But I don't want to wait around forever, Mariana. What if he figures it out, because it's just too late."

Mariana tapped her chin as she was in deep thought. A smirk twisted her lips. "I need to know how far you're willing to go to get him back."

"Anything."

"Exactly what I wanted to hear. You fight fire with fire. He thinks he can break up with you. Well, we show him what exactly he is missing," Mariana told her with a shrug. "This is going to absolutely kill you. You need to offer him friendship and civility. Show him you're the bigger person."

Lily frowned at Mariana's plan. She opened her mouth to speak, but Mariana shook her head. Lily remained silent as she raised an eyebrow in question.

"Show him what he wants. He wants you to move on without him. Well, show him exactly what it's like to be left behind. You need to date somebody."

"What? James was my first boyfriend." Lily shook her head. "I-I don't do the dating scene, Mariana. Besides, nobody even likes me."

"That's actually laughable that you think that. There are plenty of guys that have been after you. I don't mean get into another relationship. I mean flirt with other guys, give other guys your attention... maybe go on a date to Hogsmeade if he still hasn't come around by the next visit."

Lily sighed as she looked Mariana. "I suppose I'll need to do this anyway even if it doesn't work," she said. "I'll need to move on."

"Yeah," Mariana said slowly. "Worse case scenario, you're setting yourself up to move on. Who knows? Maybe, you'll fall for someone else."

"It's better than being alone."

Mariana nodded at that.

"Okay," Lily agreed. "Why not? What do I really have to lose? I've already lost him."

"True. Now, what to do with that hair..."

Lily raised her eyebrows as Mariana began to take inventory of her appearance. She seemed to be taking mental notes as she looked her over. Lily frowned when Mariana smiled again. She jumped to her feet and she opened Lily's drawers rummaging around for something. When Mariana revealed a box, Lily groaned realizing she was going to get dolled up.

"Aw, c'mon! Make-up is not evil."

"Says you."

* * *

Lily had implemented Mariana's plan. Day One had gone well. James hadn't expected her to bounce back that quickly. With her new look and style, she wondered if James even noticed. Other than the first day, he had completely ignored her and avoided only conversing with when he absolutely had to. She was gaining more attention though from admirers. She was coming out of shell more and she was beginning to enjoy it. She wasn't a big fan of the make-up and she wasn't entirely comfortable in her clothes, but she played the part well.

She wanted nothing more to throttle Cate when she gave her smug look when she saw James chatting with her. She cried on Mariana's shoulder as she grew paranoid wondering if he was sleeping around with her now. Maybe, that was why he broke up with her. He pretended like it didn't bother him that she was a virgin, but inside, he burned.

The next morning, she surprised herself and Mariana as she unbuttoned the top buttons of her blouse as most girls did. It revealed some cleavage. Yes, maybe, she was desperate, but she figured she was going down a dark spiral anyway. When she walked downstairs to the common room clad in slightly shorter miniskirt and her slightly opened blouse with a loosened tie peaking out of her blouse. She had rolled up her sleeves of her blouse. Instead of tidily stuffing her blouse in her miniskirt, she let it hang out. She knew it was almost a casual and slightly messy look for her.

She almost tripped down some of the steps when she realized the Marauders were standing in the Common Room. James looked up and his eyes widened. His mouth dropped open in shock. Sirius raised an eyebrow when he caught sight of her. He whistled his approval.

"Wow, Lily," he said shaking his head. "You're getting more beautiful every day."

"Ah, well, you know me?" she teased naturally slipping into flirting with Sirius. "How could I possibly resist a compliment like that?"

Sirius opened his mouth to speak, but instead, a different voice spoke up.

"I do know you, Lily," James said. "And _this_ is not you."

"Oh, wow! You actually acknowledged that I exist," Lily bit out. "I'm surprised you even knew my name too."

"This isn't you. You know damn well that it isn't," he said gesturing to her outfit. "The Lily Evans I know doesn't flaunt her body like some cat in heat."

Her cheeks burned at that remark.

"James, that was out of line," Remus whispered to him.

"That was a bit cruel," Sirius added.

"I think you look pretty," Peter said to Lily.

Lily smirked. "It's okay guys," she said with a shrug. She turned to face James as her eyes flashed. "Well, Sweetheart, the Lily Evans that _you_ supposedly knew has been dead and buried. Didn't serve me well did it to be drooling after a guy that breaks up with me on a whim? A little desperate, I think."

"Desperate?" James snorted glaring at Lily. "What does _this_ look like?" He pointed at her outfit. "If anything, this is desperate. Do you seriously think this will do anything? You playing these games?"

"You think I'm playing games?"

"What else what you call this? The Lily that I respected held herself above this pettiness. She never had dress like this to get anyone's attention. She just demanded it by being who she was."

"Oh, look, who's talking about respect? I didn't even know you actually knew what respect means." She sighed as she crossed her arms over her chest. She watched as all the guys eyed a specific part of her anatomy. She quickly put her arms down at that. "Potter, what offends you? That I've finally moved on to better pastures? Because as I recall, you broke up with me-"

"Not because I wanted to!"

"Like that matters! You still broke up with me!" she shouted angrily. They both stood in front of one another locked into a staring contest.

"So you think you're over me, is that it?" he abruptly questioned. Lily frowned at that raising her eyebrows. "As I recall, you were having dreams about me that left you all hot and bothered."

Lily glared at James. She surveyed their company who had the decency to look at uncomfortable at the public argument. She whipped her head back to James who was still daring her to deny it.

A cruel remark and idea popped into her mind. Before she could take it back or even stop the words from tumbling out of her mouth, Lily just blurted it out. "Well, now I don't need dreams to get me all hot and bothered," she snapped. "I'm more than satisfied in that department."

The look of pain that swept across his face made Lily realize she had indeed took it a step too far. James backed away looking down at his feet. He took a deep breath as he raked a hand over his messy locks. He looked at her miserably.

"Don't worry. I _don't_ regret it."

What the bloody hell was wrong with her? When Lily turned on heel and started walking out towards the entrance of the common room was around the time she realized she just royally screwed up any chances of him ever wanting her back. She kept those tears in until she made it out of the common room. James Potter was probably never going to speak to her again. It's time to accept the fact it's over and move on for good.

* * *

Lily was impatiently sitting in her seat. She dreaded tonight, because tonight was her rounds with James. He had been giving her the cold shoulder since that incident and that was almost a week ago. Maybe, Remus would take his rounds like he did last time for James. James didn't even show up for their weekly meeting either.

She sighed she had made a huge mess of thing. Even though Mariana insisted that she hadn't and that everything was going according to plan, she wondered if maybe there was a reason why things never got up off the ground with James. Everything had happened so fast. When she saw him again talking to Cate at breakfast, she decided maybe she didn't regret her actions. It was mighty hypocritical to accuse her of being desperate if he was giving into his frustration with the bloody blond.

"Lily?"

She frowned realizing her name was being called. She blushed when she realized Dylan was trying to get her attention.

"Oh, sorry," she chuckled. "I must've been in la la land."

"It's okay. I didn't mean to disturb you. I just wanted to ask if you could tutor me. If I don't get some decent marks, I won't pass this year."

Right then, James and Sirius decided to walk through the door of the classroom followed by Remus and Peter. The look on James darkened as he regarded the exchange between herself and Dylan. She blinked imagining she saw that streak of possessive jealousy when he quickly turned away and started to laugh at what Sirius was saying. Maybe, she had imagined it.

"Tutoring, you say?" Lily asked. Dylan nodded. "Sure. Meet me at the library after dinner? We can start tonight if you'd like."

Dylan had a huge grin on his face. "Thank you so much!" he gasped. "I'll see you later on."

Lily smiled at that. She was glad she could make somebody's day by helping them out. She frowned when she noticed the tension in James's body. His eyes looked at her searching her eyes. She was holding her breath. It almost felt like he was looking at her through x-ray vision.

* * *

Lily was sad to admit that she didn't know that much about Dylan over her years at Hogwarts even though they were in the same year. She sighed realizing how not running in the same circles could cause people pass each other by – not necessarily romantically speaking but friendship-wise. He had a sweet sense of humor. He was bubbly and easy to talk to. He did have a bit of trouble wrapping around certain theories and wand movements.

She felt good when she came back later than she expected. She had thoroughly enjoyed Dylan's company. It was pretty natural to talk to him. When she got to her room, she quickly dumped her bookbag on her bed. She looked at the clock realizing she didn't have that much time to relax.

She noticed her cat, Sylvie, curled up on her bed. She smoothed her hand down her cat's light orange and dark orange stripped body. Sylvie yawned and stretching out her limbs. Lily continued petting her as she pressed herself affectionately against her body.

She went over to her bathroom and checked her reflection. She sighed as she reapplied her lipgloss before heading back downstairs. She stopped short when she realized James was leaning his arm against the mantle of the fireplace staring into the flames of the fireplace. She almost turned back around and headed back upstairs when James turned to face her.

"You ready?"

She raised her eyebrows at that. He sounded incredibly calm.

"Uh, sure."

"Good. We should get to it."

She walked down the remainder of the steps cautiously. James was acting strange. He was actually being cordial and civil. There was no tension in his body. He seemed absolutely relaxed. A heartbreaking thought came to mind, did he get laid? Is that why he was acting like she was just another girl?

She sighed. She knew it would eventually happen. It was inevitable. They weren't together anymore. They didn't belong to one another. They weren't in a relationship. James could do whatever he wanted with whomever he wanted.

"James," she called. James met her eyes. "I think we should talk, okay?"

"Okay."

"_This_," she said gesturing between them. "This needs to stop. We're both mature people. We should be able to act civil to one another. There's a reason why Dumbledore made us Heads."

"I absolutely agree."

Oh, yes! He definitely got laid. Lily bit her lip at his quick agreement. She should be happy that the glacial phase between them had passed, but it just made her even more depressed. Each day, she drifted even further from him and what they had. It was beginning to fade away into obscurity, at least from him. She still dreamed of him waking up all hot and bothered.

She gave him a bright smile. It was a real one. James looked like he flinched a little, but it may have been her imagination.

"Okay, then," she said. "I guess let get this done. I'm certain we have other things we need to get done."

She walked out of the common room with James in tow. They did their rounds engaging in polite conversation – the kind where one would resort to bringing up the weather. She was sad that it had gotten that pathetic, but she knew that whatever closeness James and her once had was indeed gone.

Her heart was breaking with this polite civility. She wanted these rounds to be over. She was blabbing away about something. She didn't even realize what she was talking about – oh yes, she was talking about her tutoring session with Dylan. She hadn't meant to bring him up, but she had spent hours tutoring him. She didn't have anything else to really offer the conversation. With James just responding with 'mh-hms' and 'uh-huhs', Lily was certain he was just letting her prattle on without listening to her.

When they were on the verge of passing by that same classroom he had pulled her into that one night when she had embarrassingly explained to him that she had a dream about him, she almost wanted to cry. She was so caught up in her memories and whatever she was saying about Dylan that she didn't notice James abruptly stand in front of her until she ran right into him.

"Oh, oops, I'm-"

"Okay, that's it," James gasped in frustration. He shook his head as he grabbed her arm and once again tugged her inside of the empty classroom. "You've spent about thirty minutes talking about this Dylan guy."

"I'm sorry-"

Lily gasped when James plunged his hand into her hair and yanked her roughly against him as he kissed her. A fire burned within her flared into life and he was stoking it back to it's original height and going even higher and uncontrollable. He backed her against the professor's desk. He pressed his body against hers. He grasped her hips and smoothly sat her down on the edge of the desk and wrapped her legs around his waist.

He continued to kiss her. There was no tenderness to them – no tender kisses this time and no tender touch. His touch was bold and marking her with his every move. Her heart was racing as he pressed her body more into his while he curled his arm around her. His hand grasped a bunch of her hair and tugged down. Her head was tipped back giving him full access to her neck. She gasped as he found a sweet spot at on neck then let out a half groan and half moan. She felt him smile against her skin as he kissed that spot. She tensed against him feeling sensation prickling against the surface of her skin.

She grabbed unto him and scratched her nails down his back. He sank his teeth into her skin when she did that. Her eyes popped open at the sensation then rolled back in her head as he darted his tongue out. She squirmed against him as he alternated between licking, sucking, and nibbling her sensitive skin. She flushed when his hand began to reach between them.

She watched as his hand disappeared beneath her skirt and felt the touch of his skin against the skin of her stomach as it drifted lower. She bit her lip as he began to toy with and play with her.

"James!" she gasped when he tested her.

His mouth swooped down and captured hers silencing her. She shivered against his body as he worked his magic. When he hit that part of her that prevented him from going further, she felt him smile then chuckle against her mouth. He began to kiss her even more fiercely as he touched parts of and caressed her that she never knew could make her feel so alive and aware.

She tore her mouth away from him.

"Please, James." she begged him.

His eyes focused on hers as he brought her to the edge. She was sweating and panting as he continued to tease her. She began to tense and felt the excruciating winding up begin to tighten up within while she gripped his shoulders. She bit her lip began to claw at him. He was making he feel too much at once. It almost felt like he was trying to steal her soul.

Panic began to overtake her as she started to shove her hands against his body. He grabbed her chin and drew her into a drugged kiss. It had to be drugged, because it brought her a strange calmness as he continued to bring to the edge of the unknown. Then it happened. She didn't know what exactly happened, but she cried out his name as she felt the release of tension and relief began to flood her system.

When she forced her eyes open, she realized James was already looking into her sweaty face. He had already slipped his hand out from her knickers and out from beneath her skirt. She blushed feeling the dampness between her legs.

"You're a little liar," he whispered to her. "You said you gave it up."

Lily blushed as she opened her mouth to respond, but he shook his head.

"You made me think that..." he trailed off. He sighed. "Lily, what am I going to do with you? You get me so angry at you. You get me so bloody jealousy bringing out a possessive streak in me."

"James," she breathed out. "This can't happen again."

"I-I know."

"But I still want you."

"I know that too."

He sighed resting his forehead against hers.

"James, this is what you wanted. You wanted to break up."

He nodded his eyes squeezing his eyes shut. "I know," he murmured. His eyes opened to gaze into her eyes. "I know I need to let you go. I have to, but you're just so damned beautiful and I can't stop thinking about you."

"We-We can be friends?" she asked hopefully.

If she had to lose him, she didn't want to lose all him. Maybe that's what she was afraid of. Pain gripped her heart realizing that wasn't all that she was frightened of. It had to do with the fact that she would lose him to another girl who was stronger than her and that deserved him that scared her.

She worried her bottom lip. She wasn't strong enough to deal with that and be his friend, but she supposed she would need to be if he did accept her friendship.

"Friends then?" he asked.

She nodded even though her heart was breaking again. Tears filled her eyes and he brought her in close for an embrace.

"Shh, Sweetheart, I didn't want to hurt you like this. Please, don't cry."

She shook her head and pushed him. She felt her walls begin to build up around her. She wanted nothing more to curl up into a ball and cry. She didn't want his friendship. She wanted everything, but she couldn't ask that of somebody if he wasn't willing to give it. She would've given her entire world if he asked her to. She would've married him if he asked. She would've stayed with him if he asked her to, but he didn't and that's what hurt her the most.

"James, but you did hurt me. You keep hurting me." She looked away as she quickly brushed away her tears. "I know eventually you'll find someone much stronger than me. You'll love her deeply. You'll start a family with her. You'll be happy." She bit lip as she paused and glanced into his watery eyes. "You'll be everything to her, I dreamed you'll be to me. I'll have to stand by and watch, because inside, I know it's what you need. She'll be what you need."

"Lily," he whispered hoarsely.

"I can't be your friend, James," she said softly. The truth hurt her more than anything. She couldn't be friends with somebody she was still had deep feeling for. It would make her feel sick inside. It would rip her to shreds. "At least, not now. But I respect your wishes, James, because I love you so much."

A look of shock crossed his face at her words. Lily felt almost like laughing. She had finally said them, but as she suspected, it would make no difference. She jumped off the desk as she began to walk away. She turned to face him for a moment.

"What kills me is that you really made me believe you could actually love me," she said in anguish. "Why did you have to lie to me?"

She began to back away when he approached her. She made a run for the doorway, but he caught her from behind pressing against his body. She felt herself breakdown as he let her turn her around. He captured her mouth with a bittersweet kiss. This was goodbye. She knew it. She felt it in her bones.

When he pulled away, she grabbed him giving him a meaningful look.

"Please, I want you."

He nodded his head and sighed. "Just not in here. You deserve better than in a classroom."

* * *

It was before dawn when Lily awoke in his arms. She didn't want the night to end. She groaned at the soreness as she moved. He had been gentle and incredibly thoughtful, but it still had hurt. She was glad though it had been him – her first love even if that was all he'd ever be.

She forced herself to move and remove those arms from around her naked body. She blushed as she stood nude beside his bed. The chill hit her skin and she craved tunneling back into the warmth of his arms, but that's what a girlfriend would do. She placed a hand over her mouth stifling the urge to dissolve into a mess of tears. She made quick work locating her clothes.

When she was dressed and ready to go, she looked at James. She had given up so much to him – her heart and her body. She took a deep breath watching as the sun began to rise. She quickly took her leave as she carefully closed the door behind her. It was only after she was on the steps that she let the tears begin to fall.

By the time she reached her bed and flung herself on top of it, she burst into tears releasing all the pain as she watched rays of sunlight fill her bedroom. She didn't even bother to attend classes that day sleeping into way into the evening. She just wanted to stay holed up forever. She didn't want to face him and she definitely didn't want to face reality that he would pretend nothing happened between them.


	12. Chapter Eleven

THE WAY THE COOKIE CRUMBLES

Chapter Eleven

It was time to face reality, Lily thought to herself grimly as she got up at her usual time to face the day. She mechanically got ready as she shuffled her feet around. Yesterday, she heard people knocking at her door including James, but she just charmed the door to block out the noise when they became persistent. She had no desire to come out so she didn't.

She had her day to wallow. She couldn't miss another day plus it was a Friday. She could deal with today then it would be the weekend. James would be busy with the upcoming Quidditch game so she would hardly see him due to Quidditch practices. When she made it to the Great Hall, she could feel eyes on her, but she couldn't bring herself to care about the looks of concerns.

She knew she looked horrible today, but she just couldn't help it. She spotted Mariana who seemed incredibly relieved to see her. She sat down next to her best friend who looked like she was bursting to pepper her with questions. She sighed as she eyed her best friend as she grabbed a piece of toast.

"Go ahead," she told her as she broke of chunks off the toast and tossed them in her mouth.

"What in the world happened to you? You missed classes yesterday. You wouldn't even come to the door. What's up? What happened? I told McGonagall you were sick."

Lily sighed as she continued to chew her food before turning to Mariana.

"I slept with James," she told her deciding not to beat around the bush. Mariana's mouth dropped at that news. "Now, don't get all hyped up. We're still not together and he'll most likely pretend it never happened."

"I-I don't understand," Mariana stammered. "Why would he act like it never happened?"

"Because," she murmured, watching the Quidditch team walk in. She bit her lip noticing James before he saw her. He was talking with Sirius and, of course, with Cate. The blond hung off of him and his every bloody word. "Because he still believes that-that we can't be together... that he needs to keep me safe."

"Okay. That's completely mental!" Mariana cried out loudly, drawing unwanted attention.

She blushed when everyone glanced in their direction including the Quidditch team. She raised her eyebrows at Mariana, who had the grace to look embarrassed about her outburst. Lily forced herself not look at James. She knew she didn't want to see his reaction to her. She didn't want to know anything. She wanted to remain blissfully unaware.

"It is what it is," she said as she began to fill her plate with food. "I'm starving!"

"I can imagine," Mariana remarked dryly. "You didn't eat for an entire day."

"Well, I'm eating now," she said seriously, knowing what Mariana was getting to. "I'm fine, Mariana. I'll be fine, you'll see."

"If you say so."

"I will. I'll find a way."

She began to eat her food. She tried to brush away the feeling that eyes were burning into her. She stole a glimpse up the table only to have her eyes focus on James. What she wasn't expecting was that his eyes were already on her. She flushed in humiliation at being caught and she quickly looked away. She looked at her plate and began to feel a little sick inside, but she forced herself to eat the bloody food piled on her plate. _He must think I'm a pig_, she thought to herself viciously. _Not wonder why he preferred the damned blond. She probably keeps up with him in bed and doesn't make him do all the work._

Tears stung the back of her eyelids at the thought of James and Cate sleeping together. Lily shook head angrily at her antics as she stabbed at the food on her plate. Some day, James would fall in love with somebody worthy of him. She was going to have to deal with that fact. Although, she prayed it wouldn't be this year. Merlin, help her! Please, let it not be this year! She just had to get through the school year and everything would be fine.

She glanced at Mariana who was studying her closely. She knew there would many nights she would be crying to her best friend, but she had to keep strong. She needed to keep it together. The last thing she wanted was pity. She didn't want Mariana's pity and she surely did _not_ want James's pity. Only those two, including the Hogwarts faculty, knew of her eating problems and her vulnerability.

"I-I changed my mind," she whispered, pushing her food aside.

Mariana swallowed. "Lily?"

The nervousness that rattled her best friend's voice didn't go unnoticed by Lily.

"Please, Mariana. Don't." She shook her head, getting up from her seat and grabbing her bookbag. "I promise I'll eat later. I just can't, okay? Not-Not right now."

Before Mariana could answer, Lily was already making her way out of the Great Hall. She had some time now before her first class as she quickly figured out what she wanted to do to pass the time. She didn't want to go back to her bedroom. She decided the library sounded like a good idea. She would least likely to be disturbed in the library. She started walking towards the library when she felt somebody grab her arm.

She gasped as she turned around to face whoever it was.

"J-James?" she stammered when she came face to face with him.

"Where have you been?"

"What do you mean?"

"Lily, don't play stupid," he said shaking his head. "Yesterday, you left and then I didn't see you all day. You didn't eat all day yesterday. You didn't even eat that much at breakfast."

"I'm-I'm not hungry," she stammered, looking away as she took a step away. So he had been watching her be a huge pig. Humiliation caused her cheeks to burn. "I'm fine, James."

James gave her the same look Mariana did. She cursed herself. Why did she have to blurt out all those confessions that night to him? Another thing to guilt him with, Evans, well done! She groaned as she gritted her teeth in frustration. She wouldn't cry! No, she wouldn't cry, she told herself.

"You looked like you were hungry in there, Sweetheart," he said. He looked at her body. She squirmed under his scrutiny. "I think you should probably get some food in you."

"James, I'm fine," she said firmly. "Please, just leave me alone."

When she attempted to walk away, he refused to her. He forced her back around to face him. His eyes locked unto hers and she felt her heart begin to shatter. The memories of that night began to swamp her senses. The way his eyes held hers just like this. The way he had pulled her close as he made love to her. Yes, she understood she was fantasizing he had made love to her. To him, it was probably just sex – just some release. She swallowed as she looked away. Why was James making this harder? Why wasn't he ignoring her and avoiding her like he had been doing?

"Lily, what's wrong?"

"Don't! Damn it, Potter!" she cried out. Tears began to leak out. She had been attempting to be strong and keep them in. Another failure, she thought miserably to herself. "I'm trying to make this easy for you. I'm trying to make it so it doesn't have to be awkward. Please, please, stop acting like you give a damn about me."

When she tried to make a break for it again, he was quick to catch her. "Lily, what're you talking about?" he questioned. He forced her to face and cupped her face as he looked into her eyes. "No, seriously, don't run away from me. What're you talking about?"

"I know you slept with me out of pity, okay?" she cried out, wrenching away from him. She had said that louder than she expected when the people in the hallway turned to look at them. "I-I asked. No, I guess I may have... I may have begged you and you took what was offered. That's it. Period"

James jerked back at that. Shock covered his face. Before she could run away again, he grabbed her preventing her from leaving or twisting away.

"Stop, Lily, stop trying to leave," he whispered in her ear as he held her close. "Let me get this straight, you truly thought I was just going to sleep with you and leave you high and dry."

"James-"

"No, listen to me," he said firmly. He once again cupped her face and looked her in the eyes. "Lily, please tell me you wouldn't believe that I would do that to you."

"It's no more than I deserve."

"Damn it!" he hissed shaking head. Lily shrank a bit at the anger that flared into his eyes, but he held her tight. "No, you're not going anywhere. I'm going to make myself quite clear right now at this moment, okay? I didn't sleep with you out of pity. I can't believe you'd ever thought that in the first place."

Lily shook head refusing to believe him as she struggled against him. She didn't want to hear lies. She didn't want to be babied, because she was too weak to handle the truth. Yes, the truth was making her spin out of control, because she needed to learn how to not have these meltdowns. She was trying to deal with it. She would be fine.

"James, please, I just need to be alone," she whispered. The pain was so evident in her voice. "I don't deserve you, okay? I've always known that."

"Lily-"

"You were right," she said softly. "I'm too weak of a person. You need somebody stronger. Somebody who won't have meltdowns-"

"Lily, you are strong! Mariana told me you came back to rescue the First Years. You risked your life to save the innocent."

"No," she told him, shaking her head. "The little boy was struck by an unforgivable."

"Lily, you risked your life to save their lives. You attacked the Death Eater torturing the poor boy. You prevented any further harm happening to them by placing yourself in harm's way. That's not only takes strength, but that takes courage," he said. He sighed taking her face into his hands as he drew closer. He focused on her eyes. "Sweetheart, you need to calm down, okay? We have class in a little bit. Let's just go back to the Common Room take a breather."

Lily swallowed as she considered his words. She should relax her nerves. Her anxiety had been mounting ringing alarm bells in her mind about an inevitable meltdown. She was certain she was going to have a serious meltdown if she wasn't careful. She hadn't had one of those in awhile. She gazed up at James into his concerned eyes. She finally nodded her head in agreement. He gave her a relieved smile before he began to lead her to their Common Room.

* * *

James had been sweet. He had stayed with Lily throughout her entire melodrama and almost meltdown. She didn't want him to witness anything like that. She had a tendency to keep everything bottled up inside her. She rationalized and analyzed to the point she was mentally exhausted with battle herself and that almost aloof, cruel, and logical voice inside of her. The one that seem to be always ready to beat her down to a bloody pulp.

He had walked her to class. She assured he didn't need to be so kind. He didn't say anything, just gave a small but sad smile. Again with the pity, she thought to herself angrily. She was sick and tired of people worrying about her. She wanted him to be happy. She couldn't make him happy. She realized that now. He didn't need somebody to guilt them into have sex with them. That was bloody mental! When she had walked into the classroom, she had quickly took a seat next to Mariana, who had been whispering with Sirius. The moment both James and her walked in, Sirius quickly made his way to his table and sat down.

The day carried on. It was painful, because it seemed to drag on. She was glad she didn't have to tutor Dylan today. They had agreed to twice a week schedule especially if the sessions would be like the first one. She didn't mind helping Dylan. It would give her something to do and keep her busy. Maybe, she'd offer her tutoring services or a study group. That would absolutely help pass her time at school. She was Head Girl after all, shouldn't she be acting like one? Instead of having meltdowns over a guy who didn't want her, she would use her time more productively.

She decided that was what she was going to do. She was going to offer her services either as a tutor or forming a study group. She could hold the study group in the Head's Common Room. That's, of course, if James agreed. If he didn't then she was certain something would give. She would speak to the professors and of course Headmaster Dumbledore about the idea if that was the case.

Wanting a second opinion, she asked Mariana when she came over after classes with the notes from the classes she missed.

"Hey, I was thinking," she said, still in deep thought. Mariana glanced up at her from her piece of parchment. "I was thinking of maybe tutoring students or maybe starting a study group of sorts."

"Like what we do now? Getting our work done?" Mariana questioned seriously thinking about it. She chewed on the top of her sugar quill. "That's a brilliant idea, Lily! Why not?"

"It'll keep me busy..." Lily tore off a piece of her muffin that Mariana had stolen from the kitchens with obvious help from Sirius. When the two of them brought a handful them up, she couldn't help but laugh as they attempted to juggle them. "And I need to keep busy," she said meaningfully as she buttered the muffin piece before popping it in her mouth. "With everything going on, this may keep me sane."

"I know," Mariana said. A relieved smile surfaced on her face. "Trust me, I know. Do you need any help? I don't mind helping."

"Sure, two minds are better than one."

That's when the door opened and James walked in with the Marauders except Peter. Peter had seemed to be disappearing lately, Lily realized as she observed the trio. All three of them spotted them and she watched them approach the table.

"Hey, girls, what're you doing?" Sirius asked curiously.

"In the midst of planning," Mariana told him. She scanned their faces then excitement lit her features. "Hey, do any of you happen to want to start a study group with Lily and myself? Lily had this awesome idea of starting one."

Lily groaned. She was trying to get away from James not see him! She would've kept busy, out of trouble, and out of his hair. She didn't want to invite him into her means of escape from, well, him and these unrequited feelings. She wanted to keep the melodrama down a notch not amp it up to intolerable volumes. She bit her lip as she peered up at the Marauders.

"Study group, huh?" Sirius muttered uncertainly. "What do you mean by study group?"

"Like studying, Sirius. Y'know, take out your books and get your work done. Study together when you have a huge test or quiz is coming up. Proofreading other people's work," Mariana explained then smirked as she shook her head at Sirius. "You, my dear, might benefit from this greatly. You get your work done, hang out with friends and make new friends, and you may not actually be threatened of get kicked off the Quidditch team due to your marks."

"Hmm, I like it," Sirius said. Lily couldn't believe Sirius Black of all people was actually considering joining her study group. "At least then, the professors wouldn't be hounding me all the bloody time."

"I'm in," Remus told them.

Lily stole a look at James, who was indeed staring at her. He nodded his head at the prospect. "I like it. With Quidditch being so crazy, it would be a good idea to set aside a fixed time," he said honestly. His eyebrows arched as he regarded Sirius. "Are you seriously thinking about joining it or are you just saying that?"

"James, I still haven't finished my paper for-"

"You said you had already done it!" Remus gasped, apparently knowing exactly what Sirius was talking about. "That's like a week overdue. I'm surprised she's even considering taking it."

Sirius flushed. "Well, I can't help getting distracted!"

"Yes, apparently, count us all in," James said as he eyed Sirius then shook his head. "Speaking of Quidditch, Sirius, it's almost time."

"I know, O Quidditch Captain of mine, what type of punishment will you be bestowing upon us, we wee slaves, who must do your bloody bidding?" Sirius muttered as he walked off back towards the portrait.

"Careful! I'll get a whip!" James called after him. He gave a small wave before heading off as well. "See you girls later."

With both James and Sirius departing, Remus was left standing there. He looked at Lily and Mariana trying not to look awkward. He obviously didn't have Quidditch to run off to and it didn't seem like he had anywhere to go. He rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet before he finally spoke.

"Do you need help with the planning?"

"Take a seat, Remus," Lily told him with a big smile.

He immediately did as she said. Mariana offered a muffin which he accepted. The three of them quickly began to discuss, plan, and organize. She was in her element here. This is where she thrived. Even if James was seriously considering of joining, Lily guessed it could have been worse. At least if James was in it, there would be no problem using their Common Room as a meeting place.

* * *

By the time they were finished up with the plans, Quidditch practice had already gotten out. It was almost time for dinner. Lily stretched her arms over her head and yawned absolutely satisfied with the progress Remus, Mariana, and herself had made. The Portrait door swung open revealing James, Sirius, and Peter. The three of them walked over to table.

"Working hard still?" Sirius asked leaning over Mariana's shoulder as he looked at the parchment sprawled out across the desk.

"Yes, we were planning the specifics of the study group," Mariana responded.

"Ah, I see! Well, when's the first study group session?" Sirius asked to Lily's surprise.

So he really was interested in it? Lily couldn't help but smile at that.

"Well, we'd like to make throughout the entire week. There will be a specific time. Since you two," she said regarding both James and Sirius. "You two are serious about coming, right?" Both of the Quidditch players nodded. "Well, we decided right after dinner to accommodate your Quidditch practices. We will, of course, accommodate your Quidditch matches as well."

"Sounds good," James assured her. Sirius nodded in agreement.

"Oh, James," she said. "I hope you don't mind, but we're going to use our Common Room, is that okay?"

"That's fine."

She gave him a quick smile before looking down at the pile of parchment. She scooted her chair back as everyone began to erupt into personal conversations. She started gathering the parchment and making certain to organize it accordingly. She only glanced up when she noticed James break away and head upstairs. Her guess was to put away his Quidditch bag. She was so focused on the pieces of parchment that she hadn't noticed that James had come back and was sitting in a chair right next to hers. It was when she sat back down and looked to her side that she jumped.

"Potter, you bloody scared me!"

"Sorry about that," he chuckled. His expression seem to soften into concern. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine."

She looked back down at the stack of parchment that still needed to be sorted when he placed a hand over hers. She swallowed hard as she forced herself to turn her head. When his eyes met hers, she wanted nothing more to just run away. Not this conversation, she thought to herself, anything but this bloody conversation!

"Lily-"

"Don't, James," she whispered. She eyed their friends across the table, who were seemingly occupied with their own conversation. Although, she had a vague feeling, they were all straining to hear their conversation as well. "Thank you, I appreciate your help this morning. Can we just move on?"

"You know, Sweetheart, I've been trying to do that for the past few weeks," James told her honestly. He inched closer. She resisted the urge to counter. "You tried your hardest to prevent that from happening, didn't you?"

She blushed then bit her bottom lip. No, she couldn't attempt to deny that. The only reason she had starting getting dolled up was to show him what he was missing. _Which obviously wasn't much_, that cruel, logical voice within her reminded. She had made such a bloody fool out of herself. It was absolutely ridiculous. When Lily dared to look in his eyes and shook her head, she expected the soft laugh that came from James.

"Denial, won't get us anywhere," he told her. The tone in his voice was laced with sadness and knowledge from misery.

"James, I may have tried..." she trailed off. She gulped as his eyes bore into hers. "But I've come to realize you're right. This-This can never work. I was wrong and... You were right. I'm not-I'm not the type of girl that's good for you."

"Lily, that's absolutely bollocks."

Lily squeezed her hands into fist temporarily forgetting that parchment was in her hand. She sighed as she let the crinkled parchment fall from her grasp. She felt the temptation to just break down crying again. Last week, she would've given anything to hear James talk about resurrecting their relationship from the ashes like a phoenix, but now, she felt so hollow. She looked at James shaking her head. She didn't deserve him. It was probably one of the reasons why she had always been so hostile to him. That beneath her shiny exterior, she was this mess of a person. He didn't need that. He didn't need to clean up after her meltdowns.

"You don't know me, James," she murmured looking away. "Not the way you think you do. Nobody really does. I'm not who you think I am."

He abruptly grabbed the bottom of her chair and shoved her around to face him causing it to scrape against the floor. He shifted the chair pulling her into the v of his legs as close as possible without trapping her legs. He lifted her chin forcing her to look him in the eyes.

"No, Sweetheart, I was wrong. I thought it would just be better off for the both of us," he admitted. He took a deep breath. "I thought if I could keep you safe by not getting you involved in situations, it would save you. It was unfair. I was selfish for acting on my own fears."

"James, please, you don't have to do this," she gasped as tears began to fall. "Just because you took my virginity it doesn't mean you have to become my superhero. I didn't give it up to you to guilt you back into a relationship."

"Is that what you believe? Do you really think I believe that?"

"James, maybe it's better-"

She gasped when he covered her mouth with his. It was short, quick, and gentle.

"Lily, I shouldn't have let you go the first. I was a bloody fool. I'm paying for my stupidity right now. Those walls you have up around yourself is testament to that," he said with a sigh. He nervously raked a hand through his hair. "It breaks my heart to know how much pain I've caused you. It should have never happened in the first place. I don't care how long it takes, I'm going to make you see how beautiful you truly are."

Lily opened her mouth to protest, but he shook his head. The determination shone fiercely in his eyes as he regarded her. She swallowed at the look. She didn't know what to say now. Was there anything she could say to convince him to say otherwise? She looked around anxiously and noticed their friends watching wide-eyed in fascination. She blushed at that.

James drew her attention when he rummaged around in his pockets and took out a ring box. Her heart began to race at that. What in the world was James doing? She wanted to flee. She wanted to run far away and save him from making the biggest mistake of his life. He must have noticed her movements, because he grabbed her arm.

"Easy, Sweetheart, this was my mother's," he said softly. He opened the ring box and revealed a simple ring with a small emerald adorning it. There was script engraving the outside of the hoop. "This is more of a promise ring. My father gave it to my mother promising her that he adored her and would eventually wed her when they were about our age. I guess my mother knew something was up when I met you in First Year and told me there would be a time that I would need this."

"James, please," she begged.

"I know you're scared. I'm sorry I hurt you. I broke your trust," he whispered. He licked his lips. "I-I've known for a long time you were somebody so rare. Somebody incredibly special. I know _this_ seems so fast. We barely dated and here I am offering you a promise ring with the intent of marrying you, but I'm willing to wait for you however long you need. I want this to be a symbol that no matter we _will_ stick by each other thick and thin. No matter how hard it gets. I want you. I've always wanted you." He paused squeezing his eyes shut. "I need you in my life, Lily. Please, don't shut me out."

Lily nibbled on her bottom lip. She looked at James then at the ring. She let his words sink into her shocked mind. She gulped glancing once again at their friends wearing smiles on their faces. She took breath and turned back once again to James. She searched his face and his eyes. Was he being sincere? Did he really want to be with her?

That sardonic side of her whispered that he was doing it because he felt like he had to, that he would never love her, that he'd regret this, and that he'd eventually resent her. Before she could stop herself, she blurted out a response.

"On one condition... that if you find somebody else, you'll let this go. You'll break _this_ off."

He yanked her into an embrace and held her tightly against him. Lily melted against him letting herself be comforted by his warmth and presence. He pulled back and quickly pushed the promise ring on her wedding ring finger. She was surprised it fit her perfectly. He gave her a quick kiss.

"You mean so much to me," he murmured. "I hope you know that."

* * *

Later on, after they all went to Great Hall for dinner, it seemed as if James and her were big news. Everyone was gossiping about the promise ring that was secured on her wedding finger. The majority of the gossiping tongues spoke highly of them, but there were some that were quite cruel mirroring her own secret fears. They whispered about how it was sad that Lily had to resort to drastic measures as guilt-tripping James into giving her ring by having sex with him. Apparently, people had heard her outburst in the hallway and spread it around.

She tried not to let it bother her, but she couldn't help but hear those words circling maliciously around her mind. Cate gave her a dark look as she marched pass her. She chewed her bottom lip. Maybe, it would a bad idea after all? What was she thinking? James only took out the promise ring after he had took her virginity. Perhaps, there was merit to that. He had all been willing to walk away from her that night until she offered up her virginity.

Of course, Lily was all smiles on the outside. She had excused herself when the group returned to the Common Room. She walked upstairs into her bedroom. Some girl she hardly knew had passed her a note when none of her friends were looking except Mariana and maybe Sirius. She opened the note and burst into tears.

**_You're pretty pathetic if you think whoring yourself out to get a ring on your finger will get him to stay. Don't be surprised when he leaves you for someone much better than the likes of you. Why you would ever think James Potter would want a whore like you? You're nothing but a despicable excuse of a girl who spreads her legs to get a guy's attention..._**

The note fell from her fingertips as she looked down at the ring he had given her. It was beautiful. How could something this beautiful bring about so much anger and rage? There was a knock on the door and Mariana poked her head in.

"Lily, hey, what's taking so..." Mariana broke off when she saw her and rushed over. "Lily, what's wrong? What happened?"

Lily pointed at the note that had fallen to the ground after she had read it. Mariana frowned and picked the note off the ground. Lily watched her best friend read it then hissed angrily. She shook her head at it before turning to face her.

"Lily, that's absolute bullshit!" Mariana told her, pressing the note into her hand. "You seriously don't believe this, do you?"

"Mariana, he was saying goodbye! He didn't want to be in a relationship with me!" Lily cried out, losing grip on reality and of control. Everything was finally coming to the surface. She grabbed her bookbag that was on her bed and flung it across the room. The contents crashed against the floor with loud thuds. "_He_ gave into me, because I offered him my virginity! He feels honor bound now! That's why he's doing this! He really doesn't want me!"

"Lily!"

"He wasn't supposed to feel bloody guilty! He was supposed to ignore me and avoid me!"

The door opened. Most likely hearing the commotion going on, the Marauders walked into her bedroom just as Mariana tried to grab Lily. Lily strode passed her into the bathroom. She was breathing hard. Her heartbeat was racing so fast and so hard that it hurt. She looked at her reflection in the bathroom mirror and shook her head in disgust. She grabbed her hairbrush and threw it at the mirror. The mirror shattered, spraying pieces all over the bathroom.

"Lily, stop! Just stop!" James gasped, snatching Lily and dragging her out the bathroom.

Lily struggled against him, but James yanked her into into his arms. Lily fought against him for a few moment before she sagged against him finally. She felt the heaviness in her body. The exhaustion over the entire ordeal take a toll on her. She let James comfort her and shield her from herself. He kept murmuring into her hair that everything was okay. She finally felt her sanity slide back into place as her breathing begun to even out.

"Okay, what the bloody hell just happened?" Sirius questioned, shaking his head.

"Lily was given this," Mariana responded.

Lily shifted her body so she faced her friends, but she still remained wrapped up firmly in James's arms. She blushed when Mariana handed off the note to Sirius. He read it then froze for a moment before his hand clenched into a fist. She had only seen Sirius angry a few times and it was usually a rarity. The absolute fury that twisted his face and radiated off of his body caused Lily's eyes to widen. He let out a loud curse before shaking his head and glaring down at what was written.

"James, you're going to want to read this," Sirius said. "It'll explain everything."

She figured James nodded his head by the movements his body made. Sirius walked over to hand it to James. Before Sirius fully handed it over, he looked directly into his best friend's eyes.

"You're not going to like it," Sirius warned, letting go of it.

Lily chewed her bottom lip as James read the piece of parchment. She felt his body tense against hers, the hitch in his breath, and then the rumble of a low growl.


	13. Chapter Twelve

The Way The Cookie Crumbles  
Chapter Twelve

"I need to speak with Lily alone," James said. His voice was a bit strained, Lily noticed, as if he was trying to keep his temper under control. "We'll be down in a second, okay?"

Their friends were quick to nod in understanding and comply with what he wanted. When all of them filed out of the room, Mariana shut the door behind her. Lily glanced up at James. His hazel eyes were glaring at the note before they slid over to her. She tried to swallow, but she couldn't when his eyes bore into hers as intensely as they were.

"Lily," he whispered. She licked her lips nervously. She attempted to try to move out of his arms, but he tightened his grip. "Do you believe this?"

"James, please," she murmured, bowing her head. "I-I don't want to talk about this right now."

He growled as he tore away from her. He stood a little away from her. Lily watched him frozen her fear and apprehension. She waited a few moments before she sighed and walked over to survey the damage in the bathroom. She groaned at the sight. She knew it was going to be bad, but the actual sight of shattered glass in the sink and all over the floor of her bathroom floor caused her heart to break even more. Is that what her heart looked like?

She hadn't noticed any movement until she felt arms wrap around her. Knowing it was James, she let herself melt against him. She felt him drop a kiss on her neck. She then watched him extend his arm with his hand grasping the wand. He pointed at the bathroom and muttered something under his breath. Wide-eyed, she watched as the shattered pieces seemed to lift up into the air momentarily before coming together to form her bathroom mirror.

James let her go as he walked into the bathroom and plucked the hairbrush from the floor. He sighed as he placed it by the sink before turning back to face her. Lily glanced at the fixed bathroom then at James.

When he opened his mouth to say something, she cut in before a word passed through his lips. "Potter, you cleaned up the mess?" she asked softly. "Why did you do that?"

James frowned at that. "Lily, it needed to be fixed. I couldn't let it stay like that," he said. "You could've gotten hurt."

"But what if it couldn't get fixed? What if it took much longer to fix?" Lily questioned. "You-You can't always play superhero, James. Did you think I couldn't do it?"

"No, that's not it at all!" he gasped, shaking his head. "Sometimes, you need a little help. It doesn't make you weak to ask for help, Lily. You looked devastated by the mess-"

"So you just cleaned it up?"

"Damn it, Lily!" he cried out frustrated. "If I could find a way to make things easier for you so it hurts a little less, I would do it in a heartbeat. I don't like seeing you unhappy. So yes, I fixed it up! I don't see what the problem is! You would've eventually picked it up. Why is such a problem if I-"

"Because you shouldn't have to!" she shouted. "You shouldn't have dealt with all this in the first place."

"I know I didn't! Bloody hell, Lily, I lifted my hand to pick the pieces of mirror off the bloody floor, because I wanted you to be safe so you wouldn't have to deal with the mess." James threw up his hands, shaking his head at the entire situation. "This is ridiculous. Why is this such a huge problem?"

"What if this isn't the only mess, huh? What if I breakdown again? Have a meltdown and destroy everything?" she argued, getting equally riled up. "What then, James? Are you going to clean up after me then and the next time and the time after that?"

"If it makes you bloody safe, I'll clean up every bloody mess you ever make! If it means that eventually you will some day give me a real smile that lights up your eyes," he told her. "I don't care how long it takes either. If it means that I have to wait forever, I'll wait forever. It's worth every damn mess you make for that one smile-"

Tears were escaping down her cheeks as Lily yanked James into an intense, emotional kiss interrupting him effectively. He jerked slightly in surprise before she felt him return the kiss with equal passion. When she pulled away, her eyes waited until his hazel eyes opened to focus on her.

"Wh-What was that for?" he asked in a breathless whisper.

"For being you," she said simply.

He raised his eyebrows at her response. "This was never about the bathroom, was it?" he chuckled. He took a deep breath when Lily shook her head. "So are we good now?" She nodded. "We'll talk about the note later, okay? Maybe, it'll better when both of us have cooled down."

Lily thought was a good idea with all that was going on at the moment. "Shall we?" she asked offering her hand. "Our friends are waiting."

She watched him nod his head as he took her hand. They both rushed downstairs.

* * *

The next morning, Lily slept into mid-morning. She groggily blinked and began to move only to realize the weight of an arm was wrapped around her. Her eyes popped open and she realized she was still in the common room.

Sirius and Mariana were sleeping on the floor by the fireplace. Remus was sleeping in the armchair and Peter had fallen asleep leaning his back against the armchair on the floor. Lily's eyes landed on James. He was sitting on the sofa already awake reading a book with his arm curled around her. Lily had to do a second glance in case she had just imagined James reading a book.

"What're you doing?" she asked in a whisper, not wishing to wake anyone else.

"Homework," he said honestly without breaking away his gaze from the book. "Weekends I usually try to catch up on my studies. With Quidditch, it's been hard to balance both."

"Oh, so that's why you agreed to the study group." Lily smiled when he marked the page and shut the book. "It does coincide with Quidditch."

"It's perfect," he admitted. "We'll all be able to still hang out and get our work done. I might even get some free time if all goes according to plan."

"And you won't have to hound Sirius on getting his act together-"

"Oy, Miss Redhead, I so heard that!" Sirius grumbled. Lily chuckled when Sirius sat up causing Mariana to fall off him. Sirius's eyes widened realizing belatedly what he had done. "Sorry, Mariana."

"Black, be thankful I find you cute," Mariana muttered as she sat up as well. She gave him a dark look before glancing over at Lily and James. "Good morning. What time is it?"

"Time to eat!" Sirius answered, getting to his feet and stretching his arms over his head.

Lily opened her mouth to agree, but her stomach answered with a loud rumble. She blushed as all of them eyed her in surprised disbelief. She noticed both Remus and Peter stirring, which caused her face to go a deeper shade of red. Apparently, her stomach was acting as an alarm clock.

"Excuse me," she mumbled.

Everyone burst out laughing. James chuckled, pulling her closer to his side as he planted a kiss on her forehead. Once everyone awoke, they all agreed to meet up at the Great Hall. The others were going back to the Gryffindore dormitories to get dressed.

Up in her bedroom, Lily looked around. She noticed the note sitting on the top of her dresser. She sighed as she walked over and opened drawers. She decided upon her usual weekend comfy casual attire - baggy sweatpants and a nice green sweater. She found her hairbrush in the bathroom where James had placed it and she tried not to remember last night's dramatic events.

She quickly twisted her hair back in a messy bun with a clip. As she placed the hairbrush back where James had placed it, she took a deep, shaky breath as unwanted memories rushed to the surface. She licked her lips and looked at her reflection. She shook her head as she walked back out into her bedroom.

She took the note off of her dresser and sat down on the bed as she reread the note. Even though she knew what to expect, the harsh words still stabbed her heart with each sentence conveying a horrid message. A few tears had escaped when she heard a knock on the door.

"Lily?" James called out as he slowly opened the door. When he spotted her on the bed, he gave her a smile until he noticed the note in her hand. "Sweetheart, why are you reading that?"

Lily shrugged as she quickly got to her feet. She brushed away her tears while she walked to the door. Her hand still had the note curled up into her hand. James had stopped her abruptly at the doorway he was standing in. He had leaned her back against the door frame and was gazing down into her watery eyes.

She was trying not to make this into a big deal again, but it hurt. From the moment she walked back in, she had felt the sweep of negativity overwhelm her. He took the note crunched up by her hand and placed into his pocket. He then gave her a sweet kiss before she felt his arm wrap around her shoulders.

"C'mon, Sweetheart," he murmured as they began to walk down the steps.

When they walked into the Great Hall hand in hand, Lily felt the wall of stares smash into her. She nervously scanned the Great Hall noticing the range of emotions radiating off different people. She squeezed closer to James as if he provided her with a shield of protection. His arm automatically went around her before somebody shouted his name.

Both Lily and James turned around to see the rest of the group approach them. She felt a sense of relief flood through her. As they made their way to their usual place of seating, Lily noticed several glares burning into her. She gulped at their intensity. She felt a hand touch her elbow and she glanced backwards as Mariana glared at the girls showing their obvious dislike of Lily.

She felt a small smile touch her lips as she stole a look up at James. Her heart flopped when she realized he had seen the entire exchange between herself, Mariana, and those girls. When James met her eyes finally realizing she was looking at him, she watched as a tense smile crossed his face then he leaned down to drop a kiss on her mouth. It was short and quick, but she knew he did it to reassure her that he wasn't going anywhere.

They all took their seats with both Mariana and James sitting on either side of her. Sirius, Remus, and Peter sat across from them. She felt safe in the protection her friends provided even though there was still plenty of dark looks being sent her way.

How Lily managed to get through breakfast was nothing beyond a miracle. Everyone agreed to meet up at the Head's common room to start their first study group session. Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Mariana were going to stop at the kitchens to grab snacks.

Lily and James walked back to their common room. They got the place ready. Instead of using the table, James and her transfigured and charmed the area near the fireplace. They widened the coffee table and enlarged the pillows on the sofa and arm rest so they could be sat upon.

After they satisfied with the results, they heard a knock on the common room door. James went to let them in as Lily decided to go upstairs to grab her bookbag. When she walked into her room, she screamed at the sight. Her entire room had been ransacked with horrible words written across her walls in blood.

Not only that, there was a huge dark closet that hadn't been in there placed by her bedroom. Her eyes widened as the closet doors slowly opened. The little boy that had been placed under the Cruciatus curse stumbled and lost his footing until he fell. Lily watched in horror as the Death Eater from that horrible day shot out the curse striking the boy. The boy's body arched off the ground then the boy's body began to morph into Mariana then to James then to Sirius and to Remus. The Death Eater began to laugh.

Lily gasped taking out her wand only to have the Death Eater blast her backwards causing her to be hurled across her bedroom and slam into the wall. From her crumpled heap on the floor, she watched in horror as the Death Eater began to approach her. Her mouth dropped open when the Death Eater began to morph into James. Her heart constricted as Cate materialized as well.

James smirked at her before turning to Cate and taking her into his arms as they made out in front of her. The couple broke apart and pointed to her bed. She gasped turning away as an image of Cate straddling James nude manifested. She watched the same note James had taken from her this morning slip to her feet. Her hands shook as she took it and turned it over.

_He'll never marry a whore that spreads her legs. You'll never be good enough..._

Lily watched the note fly out of her grasp enlarging as it hovered in mid-air. The words were bold and large. She watched as other words began to form. It was almost like they were taken from her fears.

_Why would James want a girl who throws up what she eats? Shame it didn't work. You still are fat and James doesn't go out with fat girls like you..._

Lily watched as the couple manifested beneath the note. James was clad in wedding robes and Cate was decked out in a beautiful wedding gown. They were facing each other as they were obviously in the midst of the ceremony. Then the couple morphed into her as her own image stood before her.

"You should die," her form told her. "Do everyone a favor and just wipe out your existence. Your own sister hates you. You create conflict and chaos. Your family is a mess, because you are a freak! Your friends will figure out how weak you truly are and James will never love you. They will turn their back on you and you'll be left all alone." Lily watched as her form walked right in front of her offering a familiar pocket knife. "Go ahead! Take it! Finish what you were too weak to start!"

Lily cried out when her scars on her wrists beneath her bracelets and watch began to bleed. Rivulets ran down her skin.

Then there was multiple streaks of light that struck her manifested form. Lily glanced to the side and watched her friends battle whatever it was. She watched they all forced it back to retreat into the closet. Both James, Sirius, and Peter pressed themselves against the closet as Mariana sent a powerful charm securing the closet as Remus transfigured a chain and securely fastened it upon the closet.

Paralyzed, Lily watched them as they all approached her. They kept asking her questions. But why wasn't she answering them? Why couldn't she speak or move? She heard James shout to get Madam Pomfrey and alert Dumbledore. She watched as Sirius and Remus rush off.

Mariana had grabbed her hand and was whispering that it was going to be okay. James was kneeling in front of her. Peter was pacing in front of her. Dumbledore came inside with Professor McGonagall on his heels. Madam Pomfrey was quick to show up as well.

Everyone parted as Madam Pomfrey sat down in front of her. "Give her some time," she said. "She is in shock."

Madam Pomfrey quickly unfastened her bracelets and watch. Lily blinked hastily as her eyes were trained on Madam Pomfrey as she mopped up her blood. She watched as she quickly cleaned up her cuts, sewed them up, smothered the oozing cuts with cream, and bandaged them. Lily heard her mention dark magic prevents her from healing them with magic, but the process of healing would be slow when it came to the wounds.

Madam Pomfrey looked back at Lily. She came up closer as she placed her hands on her face. She looked straight into her eyes.

"Lily," she said. "Come back, dear. You need to snap out of this. Come back to my voice and focus."

Lily did as she asked. Then everything began to rush back to her. She let out a scream and she began to cry. There was a collective sigh of relief that breathed into the group. Mariana rushed over to her sobbing as she tugged her into an embrace. She returned the comfort while watching Madam Pomfrey get to her feet and turn to James. When he nodded, she gave him a roll of bandages and jar of cream.

"James, I think she would be more comfortable resting in familiar company," Madam Pomfrey told him. "I would take her to your room. Let her rest before pressing her for details."

James agreed as he walked over to Lily and Mariana. Tears had caused the skin around his eyes to get slightly puffy. He knelt down in front.

"C'mon, Sweetheart."

Lily let both Mariana and James help her to her feet. James then swept her off her feet. He told everyone he would be right back before he carried to his bedroom. He settled her into his bed and tugged the covers out from under her body. He then pulled them around her. He placed a kiss on her cheek before aiming his wand at the ceiling. Lily watched as a universe of stars appeared swirling upon his ceiling.

"I'll be right back, Sweetheart."

Lily nodded, feeling the exhaustion seep into her bones. She felt him give her another kiss before he headed out and she succumbed to the lull of sleep.

* * *

When Lily awoke, it was dark out. It must be in the evening. She heard conversations going on downstairs. She looked up at the ceiling a smiled at the twinkling stars. She heard the door open and she glanced over. She watched James walk in with two plates of food.

He placed a plate on his nightstand. He stopped when he realized she was awake.

"You're up," he murmured. She nodded in response. He sat down beside her. "How're you feeling?"

"Sore," she croaked as she gingerly lifted her arms. She looked at her wrists.

"Madam Pomfrey couldn't heal them, because they were ripped open by dark magic," he told her. "I'll need to apply the medicine she told me that would help speed up the healing process." He licked his lips as he nervously looked over his bandages. "Lily, when did you..."

"Try to commit suicide?" Lily offered. He nodded. "Last summer. My sister Petunia was getting married and I wasn't invited to the wedding. There was a huge fight. I-I hated that I was the cause of it. Petunia said she'd always hate me for being a freak and now for ruining her wedding."

"Bloody hell." James sucked in a breath. He shook his head at that. That's not right."

"I'm okay now."

"I hope so, Sweetheart."

She placed a hand on his wrist. He stilled his movements as he looked into her eyes.

"James, thank you," she whispered.

"Any time." He leaned over and gave her a quick kiss. He then grabbed her plate from the nightstand and handed it to her. "Eat up, Sweetheart. No more talk of painful things. We'll have more than enough time to discuss everything tomorrow, okay?"

Lily nodded as she began to eat. When they polished off their food, he stacked the plates and put them to the side. He then went to the bathroom to clean his hands. He came back and took care of her wounds. He peeled back the soiled bandages, cleaned them, put the cream on with a cotton swab, and rolled fresh bandage around her wrists.

She watched as he disposed of everything in his bathroom. When he came back, he handed her corked bottle.

"It's a sleeping draught," he told. "Madam Pomfrey wants to make certain you get enough rest."

She nodded as she uncorked the bottle and drank it down. She placed the empty bottle on the nightstand. She looked to James and chuckled.

"I guess you were serious," she said. "Y'know cleaning up my messes and meltdowns?"

"Always, Sweetheart," he told her gravely. He leaned down and gave her a quick, chaste kiss. "I'm going to let you sleep. If you need me," he began as he placed a button that he had made for the students for the first Hogsmeade trip on the nightstand. He showed her the mirror. "You know what to do."

With that, she watched as he walked to his door and opened it. He was about to close it again when he decided to leave it open as he took off down the stairs. She inhaled taking in his scent as the sleeping draught began to take affect.


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**The Way The Cookie Crumbles **

**Chapter Thirteen**

"That was a boggart?" Lily questioned as her eyes widened slightly. She glanced at her friends. "That-That was no mere boggart."

"Fully aware of that, Red," Sirius told her. "We attempted the regular spells, but nothing came of it. It was focused primarily on you."

"Lily, it was deeply rooted in dark magic." Everyone turned to Remus as he spoke. "Boggarts usually don't have that type of power. That was absolutely the work of dark magic."

"We suspect it was a Slytherin," Mariana speculated as she patted her hand. "Headmaster Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall, and Professor Slughorn searched your room for anymore enchantments. Thankfully, nothing came out of it."

Lily shivered at the thought of her bedroom. Images of yesterday rushed into her mind. She instinctively squeezed James's hand. She blushed when he glanced sideways at her sudden gesture. His concern shone in his hazel eyes, but she pretended that she hadn't reacted at all.

"I'm starting to think people don't want me to date you, Mister Potter," she teased, with a slight smile.

"Well, tough, they need get over it and move on," he grumbled, pulling her into a protective embrace.

They were all seated in the common room. It was unchanged and still charmed to how Lily and James had it for the study group before that horrible incident yesterday. Lily was leaning against James on the sofa. Remus was sitting in the armchair while Mariana, Sirius, and Peter sat on the enlarged cushions and pillows. They had all been working dilligently on their studies when she had decided to join them downstairs.

Madam Pomfrey had just visited her, deeming her well enough to move around. Her wrists were still healing, but they weren't progressively bleeding through her bandages anymore. Madam Pomfrey recommended that she not overdue it and just rest, meaning no head girl duties to tend to. However, she did say that her wounds would be healed enough to attend classes tomorrow, but she emphasized to get as much rest as possible.

"Are you okay?"

Lily looked over at Mariana and smiled. She nodded her head, trying not to think of the yesterday's events. She sighed as she snuggled up closer against James. She loved the smell, the warmth of his body, and his closeness. All these things she associated with feeling protected and safe.

"I'm just glad I already took care of everything before the weekend," she said softly. She looked down at her bandages, noticing the growing dot of blood pooling. "Bloody hell," she murmured in frustration, drawing James's attention. "Why won't these wounds heal?"

James placed his sheets of parchment aside on top of his opened textbooks. She swallowed when he carefully inspected the soiled bandage.

"C'mon, Sweetheart," he murmured as he helped her up from the sofa. "We'll be right back."

James ushered Lily upstairs into his room where the bandages and medicine were. He quickly cleaned her slowly healing wounds and rewrapped her wrist with fresh bandage after applying the cream to her puckering wounds. Once he was done, she watched him walk into the bathroom to most likelu dispose of the old bandages.

Lily took the time to idly inspect his handiwork. How in the world did James know how to take care of others so well? She sighed, waiting for him to return. When he did, he walked over to her and sat down next to her on his bed.

"Sweetheart, how're you feeling honestly?"

His question caused Lily to bow her head and nervously worry her bottom lip. She glanced up at James then took a deep breath.

"I'm still shaken up," she admitted. "I can't believe all that happened just in a few days. I-I didn't think people were that cruel. I could understand the dirty looks and even that note, but that whole sicking a boggart tampered with black magic on me just blows my mind."

James nodded. "Very Slytherin tactic. I seriously didn't think anyone from Slytherin carried a torch for me," he said. "After Sirius and I tormented all the Slytherins, I didn't think that was even possible."

"James, you're a pureblood," she said slowly. "I can see why Slytherins would get mad."

"But why wouldn't they just target me?"

"Because you're not the mudblood, right?"

Lily sighed, remembering that term flung at her by the one person she thought would never say it. Sev had gone down the wrong path. She would've defended him with her life. They had met way before Hogwarts. When he was sorted into Slytherin, he began to slowly change. Their friendship that seemed so strong was strained then it began to fray. In the beginning, she normally would go up against James and Sirius when they targeted him.

Sixth year had already been a tough year as it was then Sev flung her friendship and loyalty back in her face. Maybe she shouldn't have tried to talk to him when he was surrounded by other Slytherins, but he shouldn't have sank so low. He taunted her and called her unthinkable names. Later, he tried to take it back, but she wouldn't have it. He not only humiliated her, but he also betrayed her trust. Ever since then, she had ignored him and he ignored her as well.

"That's sick and twisted."

"But it is the unfortunate truth," Lily whispered, avoiding his eyes when James openly observed her.

"That's true," he admitted then sighed. He took her hand. "I hope you know that it isn't true."

"Tainted blood. Watered down blood. How does anyone decide who is better and who is worth it?" she asked, looking at James now. Her eyes reflected her confusion and pain. "If someone can attack me with so much malice, is there any shred of truth in their claims?"

"Okay, one," Jame said. His eyes narrowed slightly with fierce determination. "Being pureblood or being halfblood or whatever precentage blood doesn't make you better or worse. What it comes down to is how you use it. It's how you apply yourself. It's how you work at it to become the witch or wizard you are."

"James-"

"Two," he interrupted. "Lily, two, they have no right to claim a bloody thing. If they truly think you aren't worth everything you've earned then they aren't worth being acknowledged or known." When Lily opened her mouth to protest, but he shook his head as he continued. "Honestly, you are incredibly talented and gifted. Trust me, I've been on the receiving end more than once. I personally know what you're capable of firsthand. Whatever you do is never let them get to you. If you let that self-doubt slip in your mind, they've won. They don't know you. If they had, they would never breathe a word against you."

"James, it's not that easy."

James sighed, raking a hand through his hair. Lily watched as emotions flicker across his face. She couldn't help but remember the emotions that rushed across his face during a particular moment of time. She blushed, wondering why of all things during this point in time that memory pressed into her mind. They were sitting on the very bed he deflowered her on. She squirmed when James happened to look at her and noticed her blushing. He raised an eyebrow in question.

"Don't-Don't ask," she stammered quickly.

She patted his hand awkwardly. The heat in her cheeks burned more when sparks of pleasure burst through her at the contact of his skin against hers. She scooted away from him quickly attempting to clear her mind.

"Lily-" he began. His voice was laced with humor.

"You're right," she blurted out. "You're right. It's just sometimes I get caught up overanalyzing everything thinking that if a person can believe something so strong that there has to logically be merit to their claim."

"Well, wouldn't that depend on their state of mind to begin with, Sweetheart?" James asked. Lily just stared at him with a startled look. "What? If a seed of an irrational thought is already planted in the mind of an individual, wouldn't that bypass any merit to rational claims? No matter how logical or rational his or her reactions may seem, it all originates from the root of it all - the mind. If the mind is already corrupt then their claim is flawed since actions take their cue from the mind... Usually..." He growled, shaking his head. "And bloodly hell Lily, why are you looking at me like I have two heads-"

She grabbed him and silenced him with a kiss. If she had been slightly turned on before, Lily was definitely bothered now. She proceeded to kiss him passionately as she drew closer to him even if he wasn't responding at the moment. Then she felt him melt against her returning her kiss. She crawled on top of him and straddled him. Abruptly, she stopped, leaping off of him.

She quickly straightened out her clothes. She eyed a slightly panting James, who was sitting on his bed with his clothes skewed, his eyes glazed over, and his lips red and bruised. He swallowed hard as his eyes met hers.

"What-What was that all about?"

"You're full of surprises, Potter," she told him. A small smile lifted the corners of her mouth. "I knew you had it in you, but you don't show it often. It's a shame you don't actually."

"Lily, what're you-"

"Don't take this the wrong way," she told him. "When you show me you have a brain and know how to use it, it does things to me."

"You pounced on me, because I-"

"Because I wanted to praise you for your intelligence and wisdom," she clarified, shrugging her shoulders. She walked over to him and dropped a kiss on his mouth. "Plus as I said, it does things to me."

"Intelligence turns you on?" he asked slowly in confusion.

"No, not really intelligence. Wisdom does and maturity. You're wise beyond your years, Potter. I've always known that, but you didn't show it," she whispered, looking into his eyes. "Potter, I hate to say it, but you're quite a catch. Now that you've got it all together, it's a surprising twist."

"And why is that?"

"Because I looked into your eyes when I was younger and saw the potential," she said. He still looked confused. "This was exactly what I had been afraid of... That you'd become the man I needed and wanted, but you could never be mine. It made me hate you in a way."

His features softened as his hands skimmed her hips before gently rocking her forward unto him. Once she was settled on his lap straddling him once again, Lily steadied herself by grabbing him to keep herself steady.

"Sweetheart," he mumured, before swooping into kiss her. "I'm not going anywhere. Well, except maybe to take a cold shower right now." Lily blushed all too aware of his dilemma. "I'll be down in a moment, okay? They're probably wondering what happened."

Lily nodded in agreement. He steadied her as she got off him. She walked to the door and opened it. She paused, looking over shoulder. She looked him up and down.

"Mm, it's too bad."

James frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I could've used a shower too."

She winked at him before rushing out of the room and closing the door to him calling out to her. She grinned as she took off downstairs aware that their friends would most likely question her and pry about their whereabouts. She was actually looking forward to Sirius's ribbing.

* * *

Lily wasn't looking forward to classes. Madam Pomfrey deemed her well enough to attend classes, but she made it clear not to overdue it. It had been a long weekend. She hadn't ventured out of the Head's common room. She had agreed to meet with Headmaster Dumbledore after her last class to discuss what had happened. He had given her the weekend to recover.

It was the first time Lily stepped in her bedroom since that horrible experience. She wasn't alone when she entered her bedroom. James had accompanied her. She had changed into her school uniform in her bathroom. She was in the process of stumbling out of her bathroom and quickly yanking on her robes. She almost fell tripping on her feet.

"Whoa. Easy there, Sweetheart," James chuckled, pushing off from the bedpost.

She blushed, slowly surveying her bedroom. Everything was cleaned up. There was no traces of disarray or blood. There wasn't an enormous closet. She swallowed as the memories flooded her. Tears filled here eyes and she quickly reached for her bookbag. She didn't need want to make a scene. She just wanted to leave so she did. She rushed downstairs with James after her.

He caught her in the common room. He captured her elbow and gave her a little tug causing her to spin around to face him. She didn't want him to see the tears that were already escaping down her cheeks.

"Lily," he murmured. She let him wrap her his tight embrace. "It's okay, Sweetheart. Just let it out."

"I shouldn't be afraid of my own bedroom."

"Well, I think you have every reason to react this way," he assured her. "You went through some pretty traumatic events in that room."

"Why can't everything be normal?" Lily murmured when she felt somewhat calm.

"Normal. What's that? Normal is boring, Sweetheart."

Lily sighed as she drew back. She gave him a small smile that she was certain didn't reach her eyes. She adjusted the strap of her bookbag and righted it on her shoulder. She quickly brushed away the wetness with her hands. She hated to feel weak and vulnerable, but so much had happened that it was hard not to be overwhelmed.

"Well, normal is safe."

"Sweetheart, have you looked at the world we're living in?" James asked gently. "The things we learn about and the things we face. With magic comes awesome power and with awesome power comes drastic extremes... Normalcy isn't something that stays with us." He sighed as he grabbed her hand. "C'mon, we should get some breakfast. It's the morning and we're already in a serious discussion. That's not how to start the day, Miss Evans."

She chuckled as he continued to lead her out of the common room and back into the real world where there were dark glares and scathing remarks. She was nervous when James and her made it to the Great Hall. She swore everyone had went silent when their eyes came across her. Gossip was being spread and she hated to be the center of attention. She tugged at her robes making certain it covered her wounds.

"Does everyone know?" she whispered to James as they made their way to their friends.

"Well, Sirius had ran back into the Great Hall to grab Dumbledore and McGonagall," James admitted. "Remus went to get Madam Pomfrey in the hospital wing. It was bound to gain attention, Sweetheart."

She nodded in understanding. She bit her lip as she felt the burn of eyes upon her. She heard the whispers circulating. She heard a particularly vicious one with someone in Ravenclaw remarking that if she hadn't been such a whore then maybe she wouldn't have been placed in that position in the first place. She swallowed at the harshness of her tone and implication. Did they really think she deserved what had happened to her?

She frowned when James had abruptly froze. His entire body jarred up. She eyed her boyfriend, noticing the fury radiating off of him. Her eyes widened as he regarded the girl in the Ravenclaw section who now had the decency to look ashamed. He had obviously heard her.

"James, it's-it's okay," Lily whispered as she tugged at his hand and urged him to keep walking. His hazel eyes flicked to hers and held hers. "It's okay. I'm-I'm okay."

"Sweetheart, no," he murmured, noticing the tears on her lashes. "No, you're not okay. This is not okay."

"James," she warned.

She watched him give her a sad lopsided smile before chuckling as he shook his heads in disbelief. Her heart began to pound when he squeezed her hand. He mouthed to her that he loved her before he addressed the prying eyes watching their exchange.

"Okay, everyone, listen up!" he called out.

He kissed her hand before he let it go to step up on the bench. It didn't take long at all to have everyone focus on him. How he always managed to gain everyone's full attention baffled her. She scanned the crowd, even the professors looked on. They didn't even bother to stop James either. They just watched and waited. Her eyes went to James who stood above everyone.

"I've heard the rumors lately. I've watched them rip apart someone that I care about deeply," he said, looking around the Great Hall. "Now, I don't know what you may have heard, but I am certain it is completely false. Although, I firmly believe this is a private matter, I can't sit back and watch." He gestured to Lily. "I gave Lily a ring to remind her that I won't be running away out of fear anymore. It's a promise that I'll protect her from any pain and danger that is in my power to do so. So let me just completely wipe away any bloody confusion right now, she is my soulmate in every way. I have always loved her since I first laid eyes on her and I will continue to love her. I will marry her some day." His eyes were on hers when he confessed that. His eyes darkened as he took in everyone in the Great Hall. "You have no idea what she has suffered from hurtful remarks to a boggart tainted with dark magic. To hear all of you sit back and judge her like you have a right to do so, it makes me feel sick inside. If you think I'm going to sit back and watch any word or action taken against Lily, you got another thing coming. Mark my words, you mess with her, I will mess with you. Anyone from this point on who dares to mess with her will have to tend to me, got it?"

There was complete silence that accompanied his impromptu announcement. Lily surveyed the Great Hall nervously. She didn't know what to expect. Her eyes widened when Sirius and Remus exchanged looks before standing up.

"Same goes for me," Sirius said as he got up on the bench. "You mess with her, you mess with me."

Remus nodded. "You mess with her, you mess with me."

Lily watched as Mariana smile up at Sirius proudly before she too got up and pledged the same. She continued to watch in amazement when quite a large number of students ranging between the houses along with the professors stood up and pledged their agreement. Choked up with emotions, she bowed her head and squeezed her eyes shut against the temptation to cry.

"Oh, one more thing," James said, causing her to look up. "If I ever find out who put the bloody boggart in her room, there is nothing that anyone can do to stop me from getting my hands on you."

Lily bit her lip to keep herself from smiling. He jumped down from the bench and swiftly grabbed her hand. She didn't mind that he took the lead and led her to where their friends were. She sat down next to Mariana and James sat beside her. She was still holding on his hand. She squeezed his hand and he squeezed back.

He looked into her eyes. She studied him before placing a kiss on his cheek in appreciation. He smirked as he let go off her hand and placed an arm around her shoulder to pull her towards him. She felt him kiss her temple.

"Sweetheart, I love you," he murmured.

She smiled. "James, I love you too."

He tensed for a moment. It was the first time she had truly said it aside from that emotionally charged night. This felt right to say when he was fighting for her not when he was attempting to let her go. He leaned back and looked into her eyes for a moment. She watched him lick his lips and then he dropped a brief but firm kiss on her mouth.

"Eat up, Sweetheart," he said. She noticed a nice rosy hue appear on his cheekbones. "You are still recovering."

She nodded as she return her gaze to the table. She eyed her friends who gave her a smile. Sirius was in the midst of telling a humorous story. She sighed, realizing no matter what she faced now that she wasn't alone. She reached for a serving spoon to dish out some eggs.

* * *

**Thanks Anastasia for the review to this chapter and following the story! Yes, Lily had told James that she loved him in the classroom during rounds and it had changed the path the relationship was going on. She was fighting for him. This was the first time that she had said she loved him without the looming risk of losing him. I wanted the first time she said it after everything and now that they're together to be opposite of the first - when he is standing up for their relationship and fighting for her. So, I clarified it in the chapter with a tiny edit. :)**


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**Thanks for the reviews! :)**

**-I watched the Vampire Diaries, but I stopped watching right after the season finale when Elena got changed into a vampire. Lol, Klaus would say something like that. I can so see that!**

**-Yes, Lily did tell James that she loved him earlier. I had to edit that in the prior chapter. I had meant this is the first time she said it to James when she wasn't fighting for him, but in fact the opposite with James fighting to defend her honor. Sorry about that! Glad you caught that though!**

***Sorry for the delay in updates. I have taken on an increase in hours at work and I haven't had much time to write. Yes, that makes me a sad little camper. I'm incredibly happy people are liking the story though.***

* * *

**The Way The Cookie Crumbles**  
**Chapter Fourteen**

After classes, James had walked her halfway to Dumbledore's office. He was going to be semi-late from Quidditch practice, but he had told her that he didn't mind. When he gave into her pleas to go insisting she would be fine, she turned the corner to find herself wishing he had continued to walk her to Dumbledore's office. She came face to face with her former best friend Severus Snape.

Her body stiffened at his presence. Her breath caught in her throat and was held in. Ever since that horrible day, she couldn't bring herself to forgive him. No matter how much she wanted to, he had definitely crossed the line. She didn't know if she'd ever forgive him for betraying her trust.

"You're looking well," Sev told her, looking her up and down. "Considering."

"So good of you to notice," she snapped.

"Oh, I've noticed. I noticed a lot of things. I've noticed that you and Potter are conveniently back together after a certain rumor that was in circulation. Lily, I'm sorely disappointed in you. I thought you had more tact and intelligence to not lower yourself to such standards especially for the likes of Potter."

Lily hissed. Her eyes narrowed as she fixed her eyes on the guy in front of her. How had she never noticed his negativity before? Sev had always been cynical and brooding, but his tone was cruel and condescending. His energy had become murky with dark negativity.

"Sev, I don't have to answer to you."

"Clearly," he muttered. He shrugged boredly. "I would be careful if I were you. I don't know how Potter managed to get to you, but I know guys like them. I know their true colors. He will hurt you. When he's through with the thrill of obtaining what he has chased, he will be gone to greener pastures. Did you at least keep the cookies in the cookie jar or was that rumor true?"

Lily flushed. "I don't have time for this."

"Ah, so the rumors were true," Severus drew out slowly, giving her a lopsided smile and a knowing look. "Pity. I had high hopes you wouldn't be that foolish. Well, good luck. Potter's track record with relationships is sadly short-lived. I wager it will be crumbling fairly soon."

Lily bit her tongue when Sev walked past her. She turned slightly watching him disappear around the corner. She sighed, shaking her head. She already had so much to deal with. She didn't need to add her former best friend to her growing tedious list of things to fret about. She just loathed what he had become. He used to care about her and her welfare. She could trust him with her secrets until that day he divulged her secrets and called her an unforgiveable name.

She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. It was time to face things head on. Sure, she was still paranoid about her relationship with James, but she wasn't going to let her anxieties rule her. With that decided, she continued on towards the statue. Sev had obviously been to see Dumbledore, because the staircase was still showing. It was time to get this over with, Lily decided as she began the climb up the steps.

* * *

Marianna, Remus, and Peter were waiting at the Portrait of the Head's common room when Lily rounded the corner. She hurried her pace, breaking into a smile. She was glad to see them after her run-in with Sev and her peculiar meeting with Dumbledore, who was more fascinated by her budding relationship with James than what had happened with the boggart. Not that Dumbledore hadn't asked about the incident, but he kept bringing up James and her relationship.

"Hope you haven't been waiting here long," Lily said as she approached them.

"No, not long," Remus assured her.

"So how was the meeting with Dumbledore?" Mariana asked straight away.

"Odd," she told them. "But when isn't an experience with our headmaster less than odd?"

"Never a dull moment," Mariana chuckled.

Lily quickly spoke the password to the Head's common room and the group waltzed inside. She tossed her bookbag down then settled herself down on the end of the sofa. Her friends followed suit. Mariana and Remus joined her on the sofa and Peter sat in the armchair.

"So what happened? Did Dumbledore tell you what happened? Did they find out who was behind it?" Mariana fired off her questions in quick succession.

Lily chuckled at Mariana's blunt line of questioning. She glanced over at Remus and Peter who were both smiling in amusement as well. She opened her mouth to respond to Mariana when the door to the common room open. They all turned and craned their neck to see both James and Sirius come walking in.

She raised her eyebrows and her mouth dropped open at the sight. James had a bandage wrapped securely around his head. There was light bruising on the side of his face that spread to his cheekbone and down his jaw. A tint of bruising was starting to swell about his eye. He also had a split lip. His own wrist was bandaged up as well. Sirius wasn't in any better state. He had a leftover gash that looked like it had been quickly healed by magic. He wore a matching shiner and split lip to James. His cheekbone was swelling and already turning a purplish color. He also had bruising around the bridge of his nose as if it had been broken and was magically reset quickly.

"What in the world happened to you?" Mariana asked, managing to get out the words before Lily.

All thoughts of the peculiar meeting was pushed aside. Both of them hobbled over to the group near the fireplace. Lily watched as James put down his Quidditch bag next to her bookbag. He looked at Sirius and Sirius looked at him exchanging looks. James sighed when Sirius shrugged then nodded.

"I think the Slytherins are already using dirty tactics to win the Quidditch game," James told them honestly. He glanced at Lily. "After I left you, I headed to the Pitch to get the practice started. When I got there, both the Slytherins and the Gryffindores were exchanging heated words out on the field. I tried to put a stop it, Lily. I really did. They were trying to get under our skin and start a fight. Someone brought you up and well-"

"And all hell broke loose," Sirius told her simply.

Lily looked from James to Sirius, inspecting their visible injuries. They looked like they got pretty roughed up. She was opposed to violence on a grand scale, but she couldn't help but hope that the Gryffindore Quidditch team held their own. She bit her bottom lip as James casted her an apologetic look.

"Sweetheart, we all got detention, points taken off our houses, and banned a week from the Pitch," James filled her in. "I know. I'm Heady Boy and I shouldn't-"

"Hush," she murmured, before she got up and placed a small kiss on his mouth. She gave him a smile. "It's fine. You tried to defuse the situation. The Slytherins pushed buttons to get what they want - a brawl. It happens."

"Ah, you should have seen him defend your honor," Sirius chimed in with a huge grin. "Red, he was all about breaking up a potential fight. Then the Slytherins pushed a bit too far with the snide remarks. I swear there was fire in his eyes and steam coming out of his ears. The stupid Slytherin went flying when James clocked him. It was a bloody brilliant-"

"Padfoot, stop," James warned. He glanced nervously at Lily.

"Well, it was bloody brilliant," Sirius grumbled. "Prongs, it was an epic takedown. The guy had the nerve to speak ill of you again," he explained to Lily. "James did try walking away. All of us were following his lead too. Then the bloody Slytherin opened his mouth and James bloody had it. He tackled the bloke."

Lily eyed James suspiciously. "What did he say to set him off?"

"Padfoot," James once again growled out a warning.

"He asked James if he was willing to share you. He said he'd pay him to have his way with you," Sirius blurted out. "The Slytherin was certain that James wasn't enough of a man for you to show you what real shagging is about. He was convinced that he would be able to steal you away with his prowess."

"Bloody delusional ass," James muttered darkly.

"Well, he did hint he was endowed with..." Sirius trailed off, realizing the mixed company. He coughed. "Um, lets say huge family jewels."

Lily's eyes widened at that. She may have slept with one guy only once and she was still fairly inexperienced, but she knew that implication. She blushed. James just shook his head at the memory.

"That boy has quite an imagination. I will give him that, Prongs," Sirius said with a smirk. He winked at Lily. "You would've been thoroughly ravished apparently in ways that James could never accomplish."

James opened his mouth to respond when a thought that Lily was thinking was spoken aloud. "That's bollocks! I absolutely doubt that's even possible," she said. James glanced down at Lily. She blushed even more, realizing belatedly she had said it aloud. "I-I said that aloud, didn't I?"

James smirked, nodding his head. Lily looked around at the group. All of them had small smiles lighting their faces even though they pretended that they weren't paying attention. It was Sirius who was openly looking at Lily and James with a huge grin on his face.

"Well, I-I just don't see how-how that's possible," she stammered, trying to explain herself. "It's just you're-you're James. And he's not. So I-I just don't see how he would believe he could shag me, like better, than you-you can." She groaned, blushing even redder at what she had said. James bit his bottom lip. The bloody sod was trying not to laugh. "You are not helping."

"Sweetheart, I would," he said. "But you've dug yourself so deep. I don't think I'd even help the situation."

"It's okay, Red," Sirius said in a grave tone. He turned to James. "See, Prongs, you have absolutely nothing to worry about if you ever were wondering. Red, over here, loves to be ravished and shagged by you."

That did it. Everyone burst out laughing. Lily sighed, shaking her head in dismay. She couldn't deny it nor would she attempt to. Instead, she hid her face into James's chest as he wrapped his arms around her.

She glanced up at James and Sirius. "Did you at least give the Slytherins their due?"

James and Sirius just smirked at that. Sirius was the one that answered. "Plenty, Red," he told her. He settled on the sofa next to Mariana when Remus slid down to the ground. "They're still recovering under the watchful eye and care of Madam Pomfrey."

* * *

It had been a long evening when everyone left going back to Gryffindore tower, leaving Lily and James cuddling on the sofa. She was not looking forward to heading up to bed and sleeping in her bedroom. She nervously worried her bottom lip. So when James had decided it was late enough, they started climbing the steps towards their bedrooms.

When they reached the first landing, Lily glanced up at the steps leading up to her personal bedroom. She flinched and walked a few steps away only to bump into James. She jumped, turning quickly to face James. She mumbled out an embarrassed apology.

"Jumpy, aren't we?" James chuckled softly. He eyed her then looked up at her bedroom. "Lily, if you-"

"Oh! I forgot something downstairs!" Lily abruptly blurted out, sliding past James and heading downstairs.

"Do you want me to wait?"

Lily spun around almost falling over on the step she was on. James reached out, helping her stabilize. Her face was pale and her eyes were lit with strange desperation.

"No, no." She shook her head. She gave him a fake smile. "Go ahead. I-I think I forgot to do something. So you go get some sleep, alright?"

"Mhm, okay, Sweetheart," James said, arching his eyebrows in disbelief. He smirked as he took a step down. "If you say so." He dropped a kiss on her mouth. "Goodnight. Don't stay up too late."

Lily watched him helplessly as he turned and headed back up to his bedroom. She opened her mouth to call out to him, but she couldn't find her words or courage. It was embarrassing and humiliating to admit she was afraid of her own bedroom. She bit her lip then bowed her head. This was her problem not his. She would have to deal.

"Lily."

Lily looked up to sound of her name. James stood on the landing that led to his bedroom. She swallowed at how beautiful he looked even if he was roughed up. He looked like a vengeful guardian angel ready to protect.

"Yes?"

"If you need me, I'm right here, okay?"

She nodded her head. She watched James give her a genuine smile before he reached for his door. She watched him disappear inside his bedroom and the door close behind him.

She continued to stare at his closed door then sighed. No, she wouldn't run to James every time so he could fix her problems. She didn't want to be that kind of woman - the damsel in distress who can't do a bloody thing for herself. She determinedly marched back downstairs.

* * *

Lily woke up gasping for air as she jolted upright. She quickly looked around, trying to figure out where she was. She was on the sofa in the common room and she was facing the crackling fire. She swallowed, trying to calm herself. It was only a dream. She had to keep reassuring herself that.

She had managed to go upstairs, open her bedroom door a crack, and accioed her pajamas. However, she didn't have the willpower to venture into her room and sleep within it. Now, she was sleeping on the sofa and waking up continuously from bad dreams.

She got up from the sofa and wrapped the blanket around her body. She drew closer to fireplace, relishing the warmth and heat enveloping her shivering body. She listened to the crackling. She frowned when she heard a door open then there were footsteps on the staircase. She glanced towards the staircase to see James appear.

"Lily?"

She blushed. She looked at James. "Hi."

"Are you okay? I heard you scream," he said, moving into the room. He eyed the sofa and noticed the pillow and the obvious signs of use. "Lily, are you sleeping down here?"

"Oh, I-I must've screamed in my sleep," she whispered in disappointment. She purposely didn't address the question if she was sleeping on the sofa. "I'm okay, James. I-I just had a bad dream."

He sighed, walking over to her. He wrapped her up in his arms then froze. Lily couldn't stop herself from shivering. Even though she was warmed up by the fire, she was still shaking. He pulled back slightly looking into her eyes.

"Sweetheart?"

Lily groaned. She was going to have to tell him the truth. She looked away as tears began to form in her eyes. She took a deep breath.

"I-I didn't want to bother you with this. You've already done so much so I just..." she trailed off, trying to keep it together. "I can't be in that room. I just can't. There's just too much... I-I just can't. So I slept on the sofa, okay? I'm fine. I'll be fine." She pulled out of his arms, determined she was going to be strong. "Please, James, go back to sleep. I don't want you to have to deal with another problem of mine."

When she attempted to shuffle back to the sofa, James came up behind her. She cried out in surprise when he swept her up effortlessly in his arms. She was twisted up in the blanket as well so it made it harder her for to struggle against him.

"Sweetheart, you need sleep," he told her gently. "Look, you can be all brave and selfless tomorrow, but you're still recovering from your wounds. Might I add that I forgot to change the bandages tonight so you need to come upstairs anyway."

"James!" she gasped as he carried her upstairs. "Seriously you don't need-"

He kissed her then he deposited her on his bed. Lily watched walk into his bathroom and grab the bandages and cream. She watched him quickly dispose of the soiled bandages and rebandaged her wrist with a fresh one. She opened her mouth to protest after, but he silenced her again with a kiss.

"Tomorrow, we'll grab your stuff together from your room, okay?" he assured her as he helped her under the covers. "Sweetheart, I understand you feel like you have to deal with this alone, but you don't have to."

"James, you've done so much already."

He wrapped his arm around her waist and nestled up against her back. She felt him place a kiss on her temple and draw her closer against him.

"I love you, Lily," he murmured. "There is no limit for what we do for each other. You need me, Sweetheart. There will be a time when I will need you. It's not about being weak or strong. Let me in. Don't shut me out."

"Potter, when did you get so smart?"

"Probably around the time you started coming at me with wordy comebacks," he whispered into her ear. "Had to figure out to one up you somehow."

She chuckled at that as she let her body relax against his. He was right. Right now, she was going through some hard times. She needed his comfort and strength. Some day, he'd need her too. She only hoped she would be able to be a comfort from him as he was for her.


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**The Way The Cookie Crumbles**  
**Chapter Fifteen**

Lily awoke in the warmth of James's arms. She couldn't help the smile that broke across her face as he shifted closer to her. His arms tightened snugly around her. She breathed in his scent. He always smelled of freshly cut grass and the outdoors. She supposed it was because he spent a good amount of time outside playing Quidditch. Her fingers skimmed the lightly bronzed skin of his arm and traced invisible patterns.

She heard him chuckle as he loosened his arm about her waist. She twisted around in his arms to face him. His eyes focused on hers. He smiled before he dropped a kiss on her lips.

"How did you sleep?"

"Much better."

"Glad to hear it," he murmured. He gave her another quick kiss before forcing himself to sit up. "After classes, we'll brave your bedroom and grab your stuff."

Lily eyed James and smiled. He looked as if he was bracing himself for an argument. She sighed, knowing that in the end that she would give in. She was actually excited about the prospect of sharing his room. It just felt oddly right even at this young age.

"Okay," she told him. "We can probably do it before Dylan comes by for his tutoring session. I can ask Mariana if she could help."

"Sure, that's fine. I'll ask the guys too."

She nodded her head as she slid out of bed. She stretched as she turned to face James. She chuckled at his attempt to hide the fact he had been openly staring at her. She leaned down and gave him a quick kiss.

"I'm going to take a shower," she told him.

"Okay, just leave the door unlocked so I can-"

"Brush your teeth and get ready. I know the drill, Potter," she teased him, peaking at him through the small crack between the door and doorframe. She winked at him. "Give me five to get in the shower, okay?"

"Sure thing, Sweetheart. Do you want me to get your clothes from your room?"

"Do you mind?" When James shook his head, Lily smiled at him appreciatively. "That would be bloody brilliant."

When Lily shut the door to the bathroom, she walked over to the shower. She turned the taps to turn the water on. As she was testing the temperature of the water, she froze then suddenly burst out laughing. James and her had a morning routine. When had James become home to her?

She bit her lip as she deemed the water temperature acceptable. She quickly undressed and slipped into the shower. She let the hot stream of water pour unto body and hair. She basked in the liquid heat.

When she heard the door open, she knew James had walked in. She heard him rummaging around and then turn on the faucet to his bathroom sink.

"I put your clothes on top of the hamper and I hung up your towels from your bathroom too so you'll have them when you get out."

Lily couldn't help but smile. James was clearly comfortable having her around and sharing his life with her. To think a year ago, they barely talked to each other cordially. She shook her head. Things change, she mused as she reached for her homemade shampoo and conditioner bottles.

"Thanks!" she called out. She paused before adding on, "Love you."

His reply took a bit since he was brushing his teeth. "Love you too, Lil. I'll see you in a bit."

She heard the door close once again and then she grinned. Oh yes, things absolutely had changed! If anyone told her a year ago that she would be sharing a room with James Potter and that they were in love, she would've laughed at the absurdity of the notion. This was some kind of wonderful.

* * *

"Finally!" Sirius called out as Lily and James exited their common room to be ambushed by their friends. "Took you long enough!"

Remus just rolled his eyes at that. Lily chuckled as she fell in step with both Remus and Mariana when Sirius began to play a hundred questions with James. James, his unwilling victim, attempted to divert his question. When Sirius couldn't be thwarted, James let out a frustrated sigh and called out for help.

"James, I'm not going to divert his attention from you," she told him. "He'll only start after me. Sorry."

"Deserter!"

Lily looked over her shoulder at James giving a playful wink and a smile. In return, James gave her a small smile before an entirely different look crossed his face and he took a leap forward attempting to grab her. Lily groaned when she ran right into something or rather someone, because it pushed her backwards roughly right into James.

When both James and her found their footing, Lily looked forward to see a group of Slytherins laughing at her expense.

"Careful, Potter," one of them warned, leering at Lily. "Your little mudblood can be a bit clumsy."

"Maybe, you should learn to play a bit more nicely," Sirius barked, taking out his wand and pointing it at them.

Lily watched warily as the group of Slytherins quickly aimed their wands at them. She then watched her friends train their wands on the Slytherins as well. She was the only one with a wand not at the ready. She let out a frustrated breath as she stepped out in between her friends and the Slytherins. She attempted to push down a couple of friends's arms, but they only popped back up again wand at the ready.

"Bloody hell, stop!" she gasped. "There's no reason to make a scene."

"Lil, he called you a mudblood."

Lily eyed Mariana and sighed. She knew that was true, but there wasn't any point in causing a fight over an awful name. She looked at all of her friends.

"I've been called a lot of colorful things lately," she whispered. She looked at her feet. "I've had a lot of things done to me that were much worse." She shook her head. She looked at James. "Just put down your wands, please? It isn't going to solve anything. Why can't you just walk away?"

"Sometimes, Sweetheart, you can't always walk away," James said honestly before he looked around at their friends. He sighed then nodded. "Guys put down your wands."

"Prongs, is that a wise idea?" Sirius asked. "Just because you've developed a bloody change of heart doesn't mean they will."

"Padfoot, we already are banned from the Quidditch for a week."

Lily watch Sirius glance backwards at James before he sighed in defeat. When he lowered his wand, Mariana and Remus followe suit. She couldn't help but feel relieved until she realized that the Slytherins still had their wands pointed at them. She frowned at them. They only smirked and leer at them.

"Black, for once, spoke a shred of truth," one of the Slytherins cackled. "What makes you truly think we'd follow your example?"

"Bloody, loathsome, inbred-"

"Sirius, stop," Lily cut in, stepping in front of both James and Sirius. She eyed the Slytherins warily before she decided upon what words to speak. "Headmaster Dumbledore entrusted James and I as Head Boy and Head Girl. I think it would be wise to lower your wands and be on your way."

Lily tried to seem calm, confident, and strong, but she couldn't help feeling like all the Slytherins saw through her facade. She wanted to feel in control of the situation. However, Slytherins weren't ones to bend to anyone's will but their own. She knew how cold and calculating they could be - waiting for the opportune moment to strike whether it was a low blow or not. As much as Lily would've liked to give Slytherins the benefit of the doubt, she didn't trust them. She didn't trust any of them.

One of the Slytherin guys glanced around at his friends amused before he gave his full attention to Lily. He had lowered his wand and was standing casually. However, it was the way he regarded her that she found was more threatening than him pointing his wand at her. The mocking slant of his smirk only made her feel like backing away behind James.

"Miss Head Girl, if I were you, I'd shut your trap and do something useful with it," he said darkly. "Maybe be the little good mudblood you are and service your little boyfriend since we all know you spread your legs quite freely for Potter."

"Shut up, Flint!"

It was the tone that James used that startled Lily. She knew the seriousness in it and the weight of the anger laced in it. Lily gasped when James grabbed her and shoved her behind him. James, Sirius, and Remus all stood in front of her as if they were her protectors. She attempted to push herself ahead of them only to be stopped by Mariana.

"It's going to get bad. Why don't you let the boys handle this?" Mariana whispered, holding her arm.

"But I don't want them to fight-"

"Stop making a scene," a new voice cut through the tension that was dramatically building. Lily eyed Sev leaning against the wall with his arms and ankles crossed. "This is pointless. You fight, they fight. All of you find yourself in detention over your own stupidity."

"So what?" one of the Slytherins snorted in disbelief.

"You'd waste time and effort over this?" Sev gestured to Lily and her group. "They aren't worth it."

"Watch it Snivellus!" Sirius hissed out in warning.

"For Merlin's sake, shut up Black," Sev said dully. "I had every intention of watching them pick you apart like the mangy dogs that you are..." He trailed off as his eyes fell upon Remus. "Or should I say wolf?"

Lily watched in horror as both James and Sirius looked ready to pounce on Sev. Remus quickly caught both of them in his arms. He shook his head muttering something to them. James sighed then nodded. It took a bit to convince Sirius to back down.

"You must have a death wish, Snivellus," Sirius called out, glaring at Sev. "I suggest you change the subject?"

"Okay. How about the full moon?" Sev questioned. His eyes showed no hint of fear when all of them tensed. "Should we talk about that?"

"Severus..." Remus pleaded.

Something must have caused a change of heart in Sev, because Lily watched him slightly flinch. She swore there was a hint of an apology lingering in his eyes for a moment before he completely iced over. Sev arched his eyebrow as he pushed himself off from the wall.

"Like I said," he said to the Slytherins. "Absolute waste of time and effort."

Sev began to walk away down the hallway. Lily watched the group of Slytherins look at each other before they followed suit. They snickered at them as they turned and left them in a wake of awkward silence. It wasn't until moments after the Slytherins had disappeared when Mariana finally broke through the quiet.

"What in the world just happened?" she gasped, drawing everyone's attention. "What was that all about? Dogs? Wolves? Full moons? Has Snape lost his marbles?"

Both James and Sirius eyed Remus who was still looking at the ground. He had this stricken look on his face as if he was lost in deep thoughts. Lily's eyes widened as Sev's implication seemed to take root in her mind. No! It couldn't be true. She hadn't even realized she had gasped until everyone was looking at her in concern.

"Sweetheart, are you alright?" James asked, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Lily's eyes went to Remus who had lifted his gaze to check to see if she was alright. She searched his eyes for a moment before Remus gulped nervously. Dread and guilt filled his eyes before he quickly once again looked away. So it was true... Lily continued to stare at him. Remus was a werewolf.

"Lily!" Mariana cried out, breaking her out of her trance. "Are you okay? You've been standing there, like, all frozen in shock."

Lily quickly gave them a smile as she looked at the group again. She glanced at James and Sirius. How long had they known? She bit her lip. She licked her lips nervously. She stole a glance in Remus's direction before she plastered on a strained smile.

"Never better," she said. "C'mon, we're going to miss breakfast!"

She rushed down the hallway. She hoped nobody would question her strange behavior. James put his arm around her. Everyone caught up with her and fell in step except Remus. Remus hung back a little bit. She looked over her shoulder at him. For a moment, their eyes caught and held before she turned back around. Another question crossed her mind: how in the world did Sev know about Remus and his condition?

* * *

Throughout the entire day, Lily had pondered about Remus and his condition. It all made sense. Out of all the Marauders, Remus seemed to be the only one who seemed to be in the hospital wing due to illness. Yes, James and Sirius had been know to receive an injury here and there due to Quidditch. She frowned as she begun to realize that was actual not true either. Within the last two years, James and Sirius had been to the hospital wing more than usual. She clearly remembered arms in slings, crazy bruises, and scars.

She eyed her boyfriend and Sirius warily. She also glanced at the table ahead of them to where Remus and Peter sat. She looked over Remus. She considered him a very close friend. She had shared secrets with him. He had listened and gave her advice. He was a good friend to her. She sighed as she wondered then how she could be that so unobservant not to notice his secrets. His mysterious absence during the month when she and Remus were Gryffindore prefects of their year. He would disappear for a few days. She never questioned it when he claimed it was a severe stomach ailment.

"Lily, why are you looking at Remus like that?"

She blushed as she glanced at Mariana. She had whispered the question, but she was embarrassed that Mariana had caught her. Her whisper didn't go unheard either. She noticed both James and Sirius glance over her as well as Remus. James slowly eyed Remus questioningly. Remus flushed and looked forward to the front of the classroom.

"Nothing, nothing. Just got lost in thought."

She looked down at her notes, noticing how bare and untouched the pieces of parchment were. She chewed her bottom lip as she glanced at her opened textbook. She looked up front at the professor. Her eyes traveled around the room even to the Slytherin side. Her eyes came across Sev and remained upon him. How did Sev of all of people know about Remus?

She couldn't go to James, Sirius, Peter, or even Remus. All of them would outright deny it. Mariana obviously had no clue. So that left one person to be questioned and that person was her bloody former best friend.

When class ended, she purposely went slow in collect her belongings. James looked back at her waiting for her to accompany him. She shook her head at him and made a gesture to the professor. He nodded his head understanding what she meant. She turned to Mariana.

"I'll see you in a bit, okay? I need to speak to the professor."

"Sure, see you back at your common room?"

"That's fine. If you go now, you can probably catch up to James and them."

"Oh, good idea!"

Lily watched Mariana rush out after the Marauders. She took a deep breath when her eyes rested on Sev. She squared her shoulders. It was now or never. Everyone had pretty much cleared out even the professor was on his way up to his office. She walked over to Sev and stood right in back of him. She didn't know whether to tap him on the shoulder or something. She decided to clear her throat to get his attention.

He straightened momentarily and looked over his shoulder. When he saw her, he fully turned to face her. He didn't even seem surprised to see her.

"Lily," he greeted curtly.

Lily opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out. Instead, the words got caught in her throat. She groaned and closed her mouth. She took a deep breath and tried again. Before she could get a word out, Sev cut in smoothly.

"You're here to ask about my involvement with Remus and his wolfy ways, am I right?" he asked. She felt a bit startled by his observant nature. "I question your sanity, Lily, for going out with James, but I never doubted much of your intelligence."

"I don't know whether to be insulted or not," Lily grumbled. "I'm not here to waste your time-"

"I beg to differ."

Lily choose to ignore his comment. Instead, she just gave him a dark look before continuing. "How do you know about Remus?"

"Headmaster Dumbledore required my assistance," he said simply. "Since Professor Dawesy is busy with teaching Potions and students, they had asked me to assist in preparing a concoction for Remus to help prevent Remus from losing him human side when he transforms."

"Have you had any luck?" Lily asked.

"To a degree, yes, but the potion can only do so much for him. It won't keep him from feeling an excruciating amount of pain. The concoction can only bring back the clarity of his human mind instead of the beast that comes out. We haven't been able to help heal the wounds he retains after transformation."

"Why not do separate potions? A healing draught and that concoction."

"I know the basics of healing, but I don't know all about healing."

"I see," Lily muttered. "Thanks for telling me this. But why would you just give me all this information?"

Sev smirked. His usual gloomy self sliding back into place. For a moment, she had seen the old Sev that used to converse with her. He gathered up his things and faced her again afterwards.

"Difference in affection towards Remus may help find him a semi-cure for his condition during his transformation," Sev said. "I do it for scientific purposes and credit for whatever discoveries I come across. I do not essentially care for his well-being. You, on the other hand, will use your brilliant mind to do it for Remus. Perhaps in the long run, it will be better for you to take over my research and continue this venture. You have the heart to go the distance."

"You would hand over the research?" Lily asked startled.

"As I've said before, this is a waste of time. I have other things that are more important to tend to." He sighed then he took out a small mini-notebook from his pocket. He handed it over before he continued, "Use my research wisely. All you need to do is enlarge it. I will tell them that I passed the reigns off to you. Apparently, you were the second pick after me. The full moon is coming up. Remus will need that concoction."

Lily nodded in understanding. Sev also gave a curt nod before he turned on his heel and began to walk out of the classroom. She watched him as he took his leave. She was about to head out herself when Sev popped his head back in.

"If you have any questions or need help, feel free to ask me," he told her. Lily's eyes widened at that. "Just do so wisely and with discretion."

"Ever the gentleman."

Sev just smirked. "Good luck, Lily."

Once again, he disappeared. Lily stared at the spot he had been in for a few moments before she let out a relieved breath. The talk went better than she had expected. The full moon was in a week and half. How was she going to keep this from James for the time being? She bit her lip. She would find a way. She just had to.


	17. Chapter Sixteen

**The Way The Cookie Crumbles**

**Chapter Sixteen **

It seemed to be a strange thing to be avoiding one's boyfriend considering that they now lived together in his bedroom. Lily hated to keep secrets especially when James clearly went out of his way to make her feel comfortable and protected. She bit her lip, praying that James hadn't noticed her ducking out mysteriously when he was in midst of conversation with the Marauders. Remus had taken to avoiding Lily at all costs. Whenever she was within the same room as him, he would automatically place himself firmly in the company of others.

She didn't have much time left with her research. The full moon was tomorrow night. She had spent a lot of time in the library leafing through books and pouring through Sev's notes. She had been adding ingredients to her notes that would help with the healing process and numbing the pain. She was deep in though when she heard a group of girls plop down at the table on the other side of the bookcase.

She sighed, hearing them chatter away about their classes, their professors, and their lives. She was barely paying attention to them when her boyfriend's name was mentioned. She didn't have any intention of listening in on their conversation, but she couldn't help but listen in instinctively. She expected their unified agreement that James was the type of guy any girl would wish to date. They said he had a tamed bad boy persona. He was intelligent, charming, and fun. All attributes that every girl including Lily believed he had. She couldn't help but smile with pride until their conversation shifted to her.

She knew it would come as an inevitable topic of discussion considering they were talking about James. The usual chatter of the notorious scandal of her giving up her virginity to rope James in was being debated. She sunk lower in her seat and let her hair fall in front of her face. She wanted to slip off her seat and hide underneath her seat until the unexpected happened.

"I think she's really pretty," one of the girls commented, silencing the others bashing her. "I don't believe one moment that she would use such a tactic. She's way too compassionate and well, honest for that."

"What would you know?" another girl asked snidely. "Oh! That's right. You, like, kiss the ground she walks on, right?"

"Look, you can say whatever you want about her. I just think you all are just jealous, because James wants to be with her. She's really nice. A few years ago when I was a first year, she helped me out when a few Slytherins in her year were bullying me. The Slytherins weren't going to back off either. They seemed relentless. We were so outnumbered and things could've got real bad too, but she stayed with me. She refused to back off and back down. Thankfully Dumbledore came around the corner and the Slytherins scattered, but not without Lily issuing them detention and points. So yes, if that means I kiss the ground she walks on so be it. Would you guys have stuck around if you knew we were outnumbered by Slytherins, huh? I bet you would've turned tail and ran."

Lily bit her lip to keep herself from laughing when all the other girls attempted to insist they would've stayed by her side, but then,they all seemed to fade off with their denials. She glanced over through the gaps in between the bookcase. She noticed the girl who had spoken up for her was looking at her. It came back to Lily quickly who the girl was. She had grown up since then. The girl gave her a wink and Lily gave her an appreciative smile in return.

Thankfully, the topic changed. The girls continued on with their gossip and Lily dug into her research. She was so absorbed into her research that she hadn't realized that both James and Sirius had tracked her down. When she noticed movement in front, she realized she should've taken note of that the table of girls had gone strangely quiet. She looked up and jumped when she saw the both of them hovering over her.

"You've been here this entire time?" Sirius asked, looking about at the walls and shelves lined with books.

"Yes," Lily said slowly as she attempted to cover up her research.

"You couldn't do this stuff back in the common room?"

Lily swallowed, noticing the confusion and hurt. She forced herself to look at James and squeezed her eyes shut at the canvas of emotions washing over his face. She took a deep breath then once again peered up at him while she shoved her notes of research in the bookbag. She eyed Sirius warily when his eyes scanned the title of one of the books that she had read. She took note of the surprise as his eyebrows shot up. Before he could question her, James stepped in front of her when she sprang up from the table.

"Lily?" he whispered, effectively stilling her movements by placing a hand on her arm.

She shifted her focus back to James. Sirius cleared his throat, effectively drawing their attention.

"I just realized," Sirius stated awkwardly. "I have somewhere I need to be... yes, I forgot about... um, yes. I will see you two later? Great Hall? Supper - tonight... right? Okay, bye."

Both Lily and James frowned, watching Sirius bow out in an obvious attempt to give them some privacy. Sirius turned quickly and left without waiting for a response. They waited until Sirius has completely took his leave and left the library to look at each other. They searched each other's eyes before they burst out in laughter. They were quickly shushed by the overly zealous and overbearing librarian. James just smirked before placing an arm around her shoulder.

He leaned down to whisper in her ear. "Since you've been avoiding me like the plague, care to take a walk before supper? Say no and I will lift you over my shoulder and steal you away to an unknown territory anyway."

"And why would I ever turn down an offer like that?"

"You know, I was thinking exactly the same thing."

She chuckled when he gave her a wink and offered his arm. She accepted his arm, linking their arms together. She tried not to gloat too much when the girls at the next table over gawked at them in awe. The girl that she had aided just smirked and shook her head at her friends obvious envy. She glanced over at James then smiled to herself while he guided her out of the library.

* * *

The conversation was light surprisingly when they took a walk around the castle. Lily was certain that he would bring up her noticeable absence, but he hadn't. Instead, they just walked about. They really didn't talk much either. It was more about just enjoying each other's company. He didn't even say anything when she had disappeared after dinner. A part of her should've felt relief rather question it. An uneasy discomfort washed over her as she sat up in the astronomy tower mixing different potions under candlelight.

What if he had grown tired of her already? Lily bit her lip at the prospect. She took a deep breath and decided that whatever would happen would happen. If he had, what could she really do? Force him to stay? No, of course not, she thought to herself with a sigh. He hadn't touched her or pursued her since that infamous night of her deflowering. She had been the one to always attempt to pursue, but he always managed to dodge her or distract her. She licked her bottom lip then shook her head. She had other things she needed to attend to, she realized when Sev walked through the door and joining her. He was carrying a corked flask with bubbling thick muck. The smell was enough to distract her thoroughly from her thoughts.

"Remus has to drink that?" she gasped.

Sev nodded. "Both your boyfriend, Sirius, and Remus give me the same look when I supply this."

"Well, it is bloody grotesque."

"True enough. However, it does work. It keeps Remus sane."

Lily eyed the flask and watched as it bubbled. She groaned, shaking her head at it before she offered her hand. He understood what she was silently asking for and he promptly gave her the concoction. She gagged as the stench became unbearable. Her hands shook when she dared to uncork the flask. She placed a hand over her mouth and noise to keep from smelling it. She quickly grabbed a small vial of healing potion that she made from scratch. She combined two healing potions. She only hoped that they would work well with the wolfbane draft Sev had made.

She looked over at Sev before she poured her healing potion in the wolfbane draft. She watched it bubble dangerously as the two potions mixed. However, it didn't bubble over. After a few moments, it stabilized. A smile crossed her face at the hopeful possibility that this may work.

"I guess we will know tomorrow."

She watched Sev as he gave her curt nod then a slight bow before he turned around. Her eyes followed him until he disappeared out the door. Her eyes went to the flask that she was still holding in her hand. She quickly corked the flask and picked herself up off the ground. She looked up at the pale fullness of the moon. Tomorrow, Remus would find out she knew about his predicament. She only hoped that he wouldn't refuse her help.

* * *

"So, how was your nightly stroll?"

His tone was casual when Lily walked through the door. She blushed when his eyes traveled down the length of her body as if he was taking inventory of her appearance. There was suspicion in his eyes while he regarded her. She frowned, wondering why he seemed tense. She raised an eyebrow to the way he grasped the duvet and tore it slightly off the bed. He was already in his pajamas and ready for bed.

"It was... enlightening."

He eyed her with a look. "I'm certain that it was."

"Yes, Mariana and I had a great walk," she blurted out the lie before she could stop herself. He gave her another look as if he didn't believe her. "Yes, we-we had a lot to talk about. Girl stuff."

"Oh, I'm certain you did," he muttered darkly.

He got into bed and faced away from her. She opened her mouth to say something or anything. She decided against it. She closed her mouth then sighed. She nervously swept a hand through her hair before she headed towards the bathroom. She could feel the wall between them grow. There was nothing that she could do to stop it. She probably shouldn't have lied, but she couldn't let him know until the night of the full moon.

Her eyes drifted over his body. Once again, those anxious thoughts entered her mind and poisoned her heart. When she managed to get into the bathroom, she took a deep breath to calm herself down. She looked down at the beautiful ring on her finger. Maybe, he did regret it now. Was he having second thoughts?


	18. Chapter Seventeen

**The Way The Cookie Crumbles**  
**Chapter Seventeen**

When Lily awoke the next morning, James was already gone. She quickly checked the time and realized it was already halfway through breakfast. She leaped out of bed. She rushed to put on her school uniform and robes. She did a quick check over her appearance in the bathroom mirror. She cringed at her reflection - dark circles and bags under her eyes, pale and tired countenance, and hair dull and mussed.

She sighed, pausing a moment to take in the fatigue overcoming her features. She shook her head. Tonight, she thought to herself, tonight the secrets would stop. She would be able to stop hiding from James and her friends. Shaking out of her thoughts, she quickly splashed some cold water on her face and yanked a brush through her red locks.

When she made it to the Great Hall, James was leaving with the rest of the Marauders in tow. She expected a good morning kiss, a smile, or some form of acknowledgment. However, James continued to pass by her as if he hadn't seen her.

"J-James?" Even to her ears, her voice sounded uncertain and pleading. She hated how strained, soft, and fragile she sounded.

James finally turned to his head and eyed her. "Oh, are you talking to me now? Not busy ignoring me and avoiding me?"

Lily flushed in humiliation. She bowed her head to shield her eyes, which were quickly forming tears within them. She licked her lips nervously. She heard the rest of the Marauders looking on whisper in hushed tones as they witnessed the tense exchange.

"James, please-"

"I don't have time to deal with this now," he cut in, interrupting her before she could finish her train of thought. He gestured to his Quidditch robes. "I have responsibilities and loyalities that I'm tied to. Right now, I only have time for classes and Quidditch."

"Wh-What is that s-supposed to mean?" She cringed at her stammering. She felt tongue-tied and strung up as warning bells sounded clear as day in her mind.

"It means that the tide may change." James regarded her coolly when she dared to sneak a peek at him. "All of us won't be in Hogwarts much longer. It is our last year. With a threat of dark forces looming, I think it is safe to assume that we shouldn't waste time over people who aren't willing to waste time on you."

"James, I know I haven't been around much-"

"No, you haven't," he agreed, stepping closer to her. "Honestly, I don't have time to chase after you. I've been chasing after you for years. I've wasted so much time trying to get closer to you, break you down, and show you that I've changed." There was so much hurt in his eyes that Lily had to swallow back the ache in her throat. She wanted him to stop the inevitable train wreck that they were heading down. He sighed, shaking his head in obvious defeat and exhaustion. "Yet in the end, it doesn't matter. You will do what you do and want what you want."

Lily shook her head. "James, stop. Please, just stop."

"Why? The truth is what it is, Sweetheart-"

"You don't understand, James!" She attempted to grab his arm, but he pulled back as if he couldn't stand her touch. Her heart broke. "James," she whispered brokenly. He looked pained for a moment before he turned around and began to walk away. The Marauders looked from her to James in shock before they followed James's lead. "I can explain everything. Please, James! Don't you trust me at all?"

Jame turned to her. Anger radiating off of him. The three words that he barked at her stabbed her heart with each word. "No, I don't!"

Lily jumped back at the fierce eyes glaring down at her. He groaned, taking a step away from her. He shook his head as he glanced around. They noticed the growing amount of eyes focused on them. She watched squeeze his eyes shut. She assumed he was trying to get control of himself.

"This isn't a place to hash this out," he muttered. He raked a hand through his messy locks. "We will discuss this later."

As he was about to turn from her, Lily stepped in front of him. "Discuss what exactly?"

His eyes focused on hers. "How everything will be settled... Living arrangement, schedule changes... And whatnot. I'll still be civil, of course-"

"So you are breaking up with me?"

Lily began to slowly back away from James. Tears were falling down her cheeks. James frowned at her. His eyes searched her face and her eyes.

"How do you do that?" he whispered, shaking his head in frustration. "Play your cards so well. Bollocks, Lily. I'm not the one who is the wrong here. Don't you dare pull that victim card on me." He looked her straight in her eyes. "I know, Lily. I know everything, okay?"

"You-You know?" she stammered. So he knew about her research and tampering with potion-making for Remus's welfare? Then, why was he breaking up with her over something like that? "I don't understand why you're-"

"Who were you actually with last night, Sweetheart?" James hissed, glaring at her. "Don't even bother to lie to me. Mariana was with us last night worrying about you and your whereabouts. Tell me, Lil, I want to hear it from your mouth. Who did you meet up with?"

"Wait, so this is about Sev? James, what is your obsession with hating Sev so much-"

"So now you admit it." He shook his head in disgust. "So, how did it start? I wasn't good enough for you, hm? You went to Snape of all people?"

"Well, yes. He was the only person I could go to. He was only trying to help me-"

"Save it, Lily."

With that, he turned away from her and walked away. The Marauder gaped at her in shock. Their shock wore off into glares. Sirius opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He shook his head and muttered under his breath something foul that caught her by surprise. Remus sighed, shaking his head. The disappointment clearly seen within his eyes as he turned away from her. Peter just trailed after them until Sirius abruptly turned around and walked right up to her.

"What kills me is that I thought you were way better than this," he hissed venomously. "I actually believed that you wouldn't ever do such a bloody thing like this. I told James that too. Bloody hell, Evans, we would've laid our own lives on the line for you. How could just be such a-"

"I only did what I thought was necessary."

Lily inched her chin up a fraction defensively. Apparently, they had all taken offense to her knowing about Remus's predicament. All she had wanted to do was help a friend. What? She couldn't lay her own life on the line for a friend... Only they could? They were all such hypocrites.

"You are such a bloody-"

"Sirius, let's go," she heard Remus mutter as he ushered Sirius away.

When his eyes met hers, Lily felt absolutely helpless and confused. All she tried to do was help out Remus. How could this have happened? James Potter had once again broken up with her, because he didn't think she could be strong and handle what came at her.

Well, she would show them. All of them. Tears stung as they ran down her cheeks. Humiliation burned her through as the murmur of voices brought her back down to earth. She didn't care what anyone thought of her anymore. She had been called a slut, a whore... a conniving backstabbing trollop that apparently didn't deserve to breathe in the same room as James-bloody-Potter.

Anger filled her hollowed and shattered heart. She didn't need them, she declared to herself. Well, they obviously want nothing to do with you, that dark criticizing voice within her taunted. She squared her shoulders. No matter what they thought, she would be there tonight to deliver the bloody potion. After that, all of them could rot for all she cared.

* * *

When her anger faded, Lily was devastated. In class, everyone stayed clear away from her. She heard the gossipy tongues whispering around her. Mariana was looking at her strangely, but she remained quiet and by her side. She witnessed the end of a heated exchange between Mariana and Sirius. Sirius had stormed off at her untimely arrival. Mariana only offered her a sad smile.

Mariana walked with her silently around the courtyard. Everyone else was heading to the Pitch for the Quidditch game. The game was in full swing. From where they stood in the courtyard of the castle, they saw the players hovering above the Pitch - faceless figures dressed in robes. Gryffindor won. They watched people wander back to the courtyard. Her heart clenched at the sight of James and Cate. He had his arm around her shoulder and was whispering in her ear.

"If you didn't want it to be this way, why did you do it?"

It was the first time Mariana had spoken. Lily glanced over at Mariana, who was looking at her closely as if she was trying to decide something. Before she could respond, Mariana sighed and shook her head. She muttered an excuse and left Lily alone to her thoughts. Lily watched James draw Cate in for a kiss.

* * *

Lily was late to the meeting in Dumbledore's office. She had foolishly wished that James would appear in the Head's common room at some point during the evening. He never showed up and she cried. She fell asleep on the sofa overlooking the fire.

She saw Sev pacing in the corridor in front of Dumbledore's office. She heard Dumbledore inside speaking with the Marauders. When Sev saw her, a look of relief washed over his face. It was soon replaced by a sour look.

"You're late."

"Well aware," she whispered. She showed him the potion.

"Good. C'mon, let us get this over with."

She nodded in agreement. Her heart pounded and raced. She licked her lips nervously when Sev went before her. She soon followed after him, letting his body block herself from view. Dumbledore greeted them, causing the Marauders to look over at them.

"Good of you to join us, Severus," he trailed off. His eyes twinkled as he leaned to the side. "Ah, there you are Lily. Severus told me that you've taken over his research. I can't wait to see what type of progress you have made."

She blushed as all eyes burned into her. "Yes, I have. I'm interested to see if my efforts have paid off." Her traitorous eyes wandered to James and the rest of the Marauders, who were all looking at her in shocked horror. "Sev and I put in long hours of research and potion-making to come up with this new potion." She looked at Remus. "I know this will make you a test guinea pig, but I was afraid that if I told you what I was up to that you would deny me and my assistance."

"L-Lily-"

She didn't let Remus continue out of fear he'd turn her away. "I-I put a healing component in the potion. I can't prevent the pain of your transformation, but I found a way to put a slight numbing affect. If I did this correctly, you will still have discomfort, but hopefully not severe pain. The other part will help heal you during the transformation and your shift back." She nervously ventured forward and offered the potion to Remus. "No more scars. Less time in the hospital wing."

Remus stared at the potion she was holding out to him. She breathed a sigh of relief when he shakily accepted it. He murmured a 'thank you'. She couldn't but smile. Her eyes shifted to James, who was looking at her curiously. His eyes didn't hold any cruelty. Thank Merlin, she thought to herself, as she looked at the rest of the Marauders.

"I-I made all of you healing potions as well," she told them. Her hands, much like Remus, shook as she found the vials in her pockets. She held them up for them to see. "These will help heal you as well when you are in animagus form. It will give you renewed energy. Instead of feeling exhaustion and waiting for yourself to get back to normal, it will lessen those days into maybe two days tops."

When she handed out the vials to the rest of the Marauders, she couldn't help but linger on James. His hazel eyes bore into hers. She saw shame in them, which only puzzled her. He felt shame now? Maybe, she had proven that she made a great asset - that she was actually worth something.

The encouraging thought sparked hope in her until that critical voice inside her reminded her that everyone thought he was better off without her. He had already moved on so quickly to Cate, hadn't he? Out of spite, yes... But he had indeed moved on. So easy to forget, that ruthless voice reminded. She flinched and quickly moved away from James. She walked back to where Sev was and looked down at her feet.

"Wonderful," Dumbledore said. "Keep me posted with the results."

With that, the meeting felt over and anti-climatic. She had risked everything for this. She followed Sev closely, who was the first to leave. She knew the Marauders were close behind. She just wanted to put this all behind her. She had gotten a few steps ahead when Sirius stopped both herself and Sev in their tracks with his booming voice.

"So, let me get this straight," he had called out. His voice echoed eerily in the vacant hallway. "You two aren't shagging?"

Wide-eyed, Lily whirled around. "What?!"

"Excuse me?" Sev's eyebrows rose to his hairline.

"Bloodly hell," Sirius gasped, shaking his head. He glanced over at James, whose eyes were definitely fixed on Lily. "Well, this got bloodly awkward."


End file.
